To have told 6yo the truth.

[malm275]

Sorry it's a party/invite kind of thread....

DD is celebrating her 6th birthday next week. Every party that she has had so far has been a massive family/friends event with at least 30+ children to cater for. This year things are a bit tighter financially so dd is having a small cinema party with 6 invited guests from school and a couple from out of school that we are particularly close to. Dd is delighted and so excited. And we are massively relieved I'm getting whinged at left,right and centre by the 'uninvited' but that's a different thread
The one thing I asked dh to do this week was give the school invitations directly to parents and not give them to the teacher to hand out. Which he promptly did. Again, another thread Wouldn't necessarily be a huge problem but there is a girl at school, who will call herself dd's best friend, but actually is mean, pushy and very dominating over my daughter. And many other children School are aware and I have been trying to give my daughter the tools to deal with this kind of behaviour.
Long story short, she has been awful to dd this week about not being invited (she has never been invited to any of dd's parties anyway). Dd has left school in tears every day because this girl has been pressuring her each day for an invite, I know that I'm not bu to leave her out, dd doesn't want her there and I have given dd the option to just add her to the list, which was thankfully met with a very firm no, so I said we would just have to ride this one out and that dd didn't have to feel bad about her right decision. I floated the idea of inviting girl round for a play date to see if we could do some kind of relationship building but dd was unsure and I don't blame her, I don't really want this girl invading dd's safe space at home.
So anyway, this girl came out of school on Friday and asked me very loudly 'can I come to dd's party'. I replied 'no, sorry not this time'.
She asked why and I said 'because you are not very kind to dd'
Girl then burst into tears and ran off to her mum who gave me a filthy look as did half of the playground I went to go and talk to her but she walked off before I got there and I wasn't going to chase after her. I've always dealt with school with these matters they have asked me not to approach mum as they like to deal with things and have never even spoken to this girls mum as we are not normally on the playground for the same pick ups.
It's been on my mind all weekend. Girl obviously has some issues (not SEND as far as I know- but obviously I would never like to assume) and I try to be understanding of this but felt like I just wanted her to be told the truth about her behaviour for once and realise a consequence. Should I have just sugared the pill, said that it was a little party and not everyone could have an invite? That I couldn't afford it?
I work in a school and think that I am just getting so wound up with the constant pandering around some children and parents there that maybe I took out my frustration on this little girl.

This is why we are all saying that men should not have little girls on sleepovers over on your other thread.......

I don't have another thread @Irulez

And I'm finding your posts quite bizarre and a bit disturbing. Please stop tagging me. I don't want to engage with you further.

@Irulez I have just read the previous posts, thank you. I still find it hard to think that other posters feel it’s ok to criticise and tell off a 6 year old child, without knowing any background. Even if it is a fictional thing. I only know I couldn’t

Rather pick on my 6 year old?

I think YWNBU. Why should this child, who has made your dd so unhappy, be invited just because she makes a fuss? Good on you OP. It might end up being a lesson the little madam learns from.

Wait I maybe disagreed with @DecomposingComposers but I never thought this, nor do I know. If the site had proof they would act. If not she has my full support regardless of opinions. I’d rather had someone to debate with than throw them under a bus with no proof

Both threads are desperately trying to attack mothers and little girls.

I strongly suspect it's one man with a few id's, or a cohort of brothers who is trying to denigrate women and girls.

@Alicewond

Thank you.

I can assure you that I am not a man, nor am I the OP if this or the other thread.

This has become quite bizarre.

Given that you're up at 3.22 am defending him, I suspect you're part of the cohort.

I'll leave ye to it.

To the sane mothers/posters, I am willing to bet that no 6 year old was hurt in the making of this shite....

@Irulez I strongly suspect there is life out there on a far away planet, you can’t just make such a statement as fact though on an instinct. If you really believe then pm mumsnet, they can fact check for you

Not at 3am they can't. And I'm quite capable of reading between lines and fact checking myself.

But OP did kindly tell the child ‘sorry not this time’ the child was the one who thought she could badger OP into caving in.

I’m not sure how else OP could have dealt with it. The child was directly demanding an invitation from OP, her mother was clearly aware and not stopping her. So OP told the girl why she wasn’t invited.

And seriously, it’s totally up to OP if she wanted to throw a smaller party and do something her DD would enjoy, rather than throw a larger party with ‘sandwiches and jelly’ in order to appease her DD’s bully.

I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking a child in my class to invite me to their party if I’d not been invited at that age, and can’t imagine my dc would either, never mind pursuing the parents of classmates demanding and invite.

@DecomposingComposers well we are agreeing at last 😂. Have reported this strange turn of events!

That might be because it didn't happen............

@Alicewond

Thank you. How bizarre.

Back to the op - I hope someone at school actually works with this little girl because she'll end up with no friends. That's not down to the OP but clearly her parents aren't helping so hopefully school will do something.

I can understand how you felt, and have wanted to say something to a six year old girl too. I think you should apologise to the mum publicly. While her daughter deserved what you said, she is a six years old. I would apologise not because it's the right thing to do, but to stop you being the bad guy in the situation. As you said a few people heard you, and that gossip will spread like wildfire, and it's not going to be that awesome mum stood up to a bully, it's that bitch bullied a child. And while this may not bother you, it may have negative consequences for your daughter. How is your daughter going to feel when she doesn't get any party invitations? Or her friends suddenly can't make it to her party? Have you just destroyed your DDS social life?

Report away, I don't give a shit. I know bullshit when I see it though

Take your head of your arse then honestly if you believe its a false OP, report!!

Pot, kettle black also... aren’t you also posting at 3am

OP, I hope there is no fallout and your dd has a wonderful birthday.

Sometimes being unkind is the only way children learn.

Men are allowed to post on MN ffs!

I'm a man, posting here in HK at 12.42.

YANBU OP.

I dont understand the posts saying that the op told this girl off. She didnt. She stated a reason when asked. At no point did the op tell her off.

Children need to learn and that only happens with clear communication.

You did the right thing. She needs to know that if she's mean to people they won't want to be around her. Clearly her parents aren't teaching her that.

Although it'll knock her a little, it's better for her to learn thsi at 6 years old rather than later in life.

I'm not sure you have behaved correctly. What you said was harsh.

This girl thinks she's dd's best friend. Somaybe you should have taught dd to stand up for herself and make it clear to me his other girl that she's not, her best friend.
You've had the last year? Since September? To do this?
But you haven't. And your dd hasn't.
And then suddenly she's unaware. And finds out she's but invited to her best friends party.
Yeah. I bet she is confused. I bet she did harangue/pressure dd all week for where her party invite was. Understandable.

I think you've had plenty of opportunity to address this. How many discussions did you have with teacher? Did you make a bullying complaint? Did you ask teacher to subtly separate them and encourage a new friendship for dd?

If you've done all those things, and her mum was aware, has been spoken to by teacher, then of course you are not to blame.

men are infiltrating mumsnet!
That has tickled me no end
one man or a cohort of brothers

Honestly irulz, have you been reading the conspiracy thread and got over invested?
There are indeed men posting on mumsnet, it is absolutely fine.