Smacking children "oh everyone does it"

[cantbelieveimhearingthis]

NC for this

So I was on the bus the other day with DD (19 months). Another lady gets on with a pushchair and a little boy, the boy is probably about 2 and a half. Two older ladies then get on and start chatting to the other lady with the pushchair. DD is waving and smiling and the older ladies were commenting on how lovely she was, I said thank you but frankly I'd had a shitty day so just kept my self to myself. They keep talking about children and are clearly trying to get me involved. The other lady with the pushchair and the older ladies get into behaviour and how "naughty" her little boy is. The conversation then turns to the topic of smacking. Older ladies start to agree that nowadays children are too soft and that smacking them does them no harm, but teaches them a lesson. Lady with a pushchair then piped up saying "oh yes when he's naughty I smack him on the bottom, he's got a nappy on so it does him no harm" She then says she threatens her TWO year old with smacking if he doesn't do as he's told. They're now trying to get me involved in the smacking conversation and I'm trying my hardest to be polite. Lady with the pushchair then says "trust me when they start throwing tantrums, smacking is the only thing that works" "everyone does it, they're just too afraid to admit to it". AIBU to be a little bit taken aback by this? I can understand to an extent the older ladies as they were from a different generation. But the other lady blatantly admitting to hitting a two year old?? I thought we had moved past this?

I have 2dc, 16yr old ds and 8yr old dd.

I smacked ds once when he was around 4, out of sheer frustration, it was a light smack but still a smack ( on the bottom ) and have never felt guilt like it. Never again. Thankfully he doesn't remember it and the stupid thing is that I can't remember the actual reason I did it, what he had done etc.

None of my friends smack their children and I would report for sure if I saw a child being hit which makes me sound like a hypocrite I suppose.

One of my neighbours screams at her dc that she has ruined her life, wishes she'd never been born etc and then finally called her the C word. She was 3yrs old at the time and i told her that she was out of order and hhh

Oops sorry- and I've stayed away from her as much as I can. She has such a different persona on social media and is always saying her dc is her world etc.
Words can be just as cruel imo.

People seem to inhabit islands of people who share values, so yes it's not surprising to me that she thinks everyone does it.

I'm in a no-smacking island and didn't hit mine with I think two exceptions.

It's not a great way of disciplining children.

My eldest is 32 and my youngest is 16, I've never smacked any of them. Wasn't typical with my eldest tbh, all my friends without exception smacked occasionally or even more often but with my youngest it was the norm and I think it's seen as socially unacceptable nowadays to smack a child.

I have never smacked my 2 and a half year old. His tantrums are ignored so are rare and short lived. If behaviour is nipped on the bus consistently them smacking should not be needed. The woman on the bus sounded proud of herself

Violence never solves anything.

Smacking is banned in Ireland. It is also banned in Scotland and Wales but for some reason not in England - I think that should be changed.
Smacking IMO is the resort of shit parent.

*nipped in the bud

I would never smack mine. My 17 month old smacks me and other children all the time though, which I found surprising. He's never witnessed anyone being hit and his sister never did it. He just seems to naturally take a swipe at anyone who tries to take something he has or annoys him in anyway.

My son drove me crazy all day yesterday, he couldn’t have been more of a bugger if he tried, I didn’t hit him and I wasn’t tempted to hit him. I did fantasize about taking him to the police station and leaving him there though!

My parents hit a lot, we knew if we did anything wrong we would get the slipper, but usually the crime was fun enough that getting the slipper was worth it.

"Smacking = shite parenting. If one of my team at work makes a mistake or does something wrong - do I hit them? Of course not, so why do adults do this to small children?" Yes @Lucyccfc68 !

I will never smack my ds and to all the parents who say it does no harm - how do you know? There might be internal, psychological harm and it's impossible to detect this sometimes. It's not worth the risk imo.

I don't see how me smacking my ds will make me a good role model for him.

I am perfectly capable of firmly disciplining my child (if she has majorly crossed a line) without resorting to violence. I dont even usually scream and shout. I find a quiet, deadly serious voice works better making it crystal clear that something is not acceptable. To be honest I very rarely have to do that, usually a little word is enough. I do not need my child to fear me to maintain order and I will never agree with violence towards children.

Hmmm th e majority of people I know irl smack their kids, my ex use to say all his friends smack their kids, I've been laughed at by family for not smacking, even my sister says "smack her" if my 2 yo is playing up I know she smacks her son (and she's a teacher)

I’ve never smacked - but I have to say that ds was a brilliant little kid who didn’t tantrum or act out. I don’t think smacking does any good. Yes, a slap can stop someone in their tracks, like old film psychologists. When I studied to be a therapist we were taught that this was one method that used to be used - not now recommended - to snap someone out of a panic or anxiety attack (ie it’s an absolute physical distraction from an emotional state).

But anyway - can you imagine someone 10 foot tall giving you a whallop? That’s what kids see when an adult hits them.

Absolutely disgusting to think it's ok to hit a child. I've never even thought about smacking as a punishment for my two, and they really test your patience sometimes! If a person is too thick to understand that using physical punishment is bullying then they should not become a parent.
"Never did me any harm" well yes it clearly did because now you believe it's ok to control children by bullying them instead of engaging your brain and using other techniques.
The majority of violent youths on the streets at the moment, stabbing each other and others are the ones that got smacked as children. Violence begets violence.

The word "smack" waters down the implications. Try "hit" or "strike" and see how good it sounds, how likely not to harm.

Smacking children isn’t an effective way of disciplining them, I totally agree. However, neither is screaming at children an effective way of disciplining them-I think a parent is out of control when he/she resorts to that, and the effect on the child can be equally as damaging as smacking them.
A few weeks ago someone started a thread about how guilty she felt that, having a very bad morning, she yelled at her children that she would “kill them”. Understandably, she felt terrible about it and started the thread because of how upset she was. I couldn’t believe the number of posters who replied to her telling her not to worry, that they’d said “that and far worse” to their children -as though this is quite a normal thing to happen.
To say that I was shocked at these replies is an understatement. A statement roared in anger at a child is every bit, if not more, damaging to a child than a smack yet these parents seemed to find nothing wrong with making horrible threats to their children?
I have two grown up children of my own (am in my mid fifties) and didn’t smack them (or threaten them) when they were growing up, so I am not being idealistic here.

Bollocks did this happen.

It's either:

1. I am a GREAT parent who would never smack my child and am shocked that anyone would. I've never laid a hand on mine OP and never will but I'm not so sheltered that I'm not aware people of a certain generation did. I got my arse whacked many a time growing up in the 80s. OR

1. Perve who wants "please tell me stories about."

I always think if a child is old enough to understand the reasoning behind smacking, then reason with them rather than hit them, and if they're unable to understand the reasoning behind smacking then they're too young to understand why their carer is hitting them so what's the point.

I can understand a knee jerk response (e.g. firmly tapping their hands away from a hazard, firmly pulling them back if they've ran off almost into a road), but smacking for behaviour or because you feel out of control is horrible.

YANBU. It was acceptable even 20 years ago to hit children but definitely isn’t now.

I was hit and it didn’t teach me a thing, I just resented my Mum even more tbh. I didn’t stop being annoying or whatever because of the threat of a smacked bottom, I was a child so I was naturally a bit annoying as all children are (they don’t always mean to be ).

It’s not illegal in the UK yet but that time is coming, it has been illegal in other countries for some time.

I also find the concept of hitting children really bizarre. If my DP annoys me, I don’t just whack him on the bum to teach him a lesson so why would I do that to my DC? It’s really odd.

Nothing really, just odd that if a child told her he was being smacked she would have to report it, yet she smacks her own. I don’t really have a strong opinion on smacking, it doesn’t bother me I’m not against it. I was smacked by my mum and I don’t feel differently towards her because of it, practically everyone I know does it so it’s the norm to me. I just know I didn’t want to smack mine.

You wouldn't hit an animal for misbehaving, nor your partner or a sibling or your parent or friend. If you did hit an adult, you could be liable for assault and battery. So why does anyone think its OK to strike a child? Totally lazy parenting and, as the numerous studies show, ineffective and damaging.
(Agree with PP who said if you have to react quickly and end up smacking their hands away from something hot then yes, rather a quick smacked hand than a 2nd degree burn)

I remember when teachers could hit pupils. And the parents didn’t go racing to the school to complain (in fact the children would get told off at home for getting it o trouble at school). Not making any point, just remembering!