To be jealous of people with 3 children

[LovingLife0]

I have a 3 and 2 year old and DP and I have recently decided that we won't be having a third child. We have been talking about it for the past year but have made our decision primarily on environmental reasons.

Since making this decision I have become OBSESSED with families with 3+ children. For example I can't stop thinking how Kim Kardashian has 4 children and how many her children will have and all the carbon footprint. I also follow a few 'eco' families on insta who have as many as six children. As you can see I'm irrationally obsessed!! I KNOW everyone is entitled to their own choice and it's none of my business but I guess I'm just jealous!

I suppose I'm looking for advice on how I can move on from our decision to stop at 2 while not being jealous of people who go on to have large families?

Bloody hell thethethethe your a ray of frickin sunshine

I was just like this for many years after dd2. 10 years in fact at which point we had dd3. Very happy now, just wish it hadn't taken so long to convince myself and dh

So you are comparing the calorie intake of a dog with average lifespan of ten years to a child with an average lifespan of 80 years, plus its offspring.

But dogs reproduce too and the population remains pretty much constant so even if the dog is neutered you would still take an average for the number of puppies and grandpuppies an average dog has when calculating a carbon footprint.

Loads of people emotionally speaking would like a 3rd, but their brain says no. Follow the brain. Focus on the 2 dcs you have.

Or adopt or foster. I had an aunt who really wanted a 3rd, but decided to adopt instead. Adopted 2 more. V happy with the decision.

Sorry Thingybob there is not a single scientific paper that supports your assertion. It’s absolutely ridiculous to assert that a dog has a worse environmental impact than a human. The lifespan and lifestyle alone is a pretty basic indicator of that.

I hope you make peace with this. But I have 5. And I know people think it's been easy for me. It really hasn't. I've lost my first at 36 weeks. Very nearly lost my twins at 32 wks. Both times my own life too. I've been sterilised due to probs but it took me a long time to accept I couldnt have more. I'm now at the stage I feel lucky to have the ones I do.

I despair at some of these comments.

Civilisation will not collapse if the population stabilises or even decreases in the western world. It will adapt and can even be a better place to live. We are also not immune from environmental catastrophe. Have a read of the story on the Guardian website about a whole Welsh town that will be given back to the sea in our lifetimes

Well done OP for taking this into consideration when planning your family.

Think of 3 teenagers.....that should be enough to make you stop at 2 lol!

How about instead of having less kids , you have as many as you like but you defy consumerism and live an economic sustainable life with little waste and many renewable resources. Teach them to give back to the environment.. so on...

It’s not their existence it’s the lifestyle choices.

I really wanted a third so got pregnant last year but lost the baby at 16 weeks. I've accepted that #3 isn't going to happen for me bit it's hard. My focus now is my two existing children and being there for them. I hope you find a way to square in your mind this op.

I think that's a really responsible decision, OP, and even if you are struggling with it now (which I understand - I initially wanted a big family, and I have an only child), you will learn to appreciate the benefits of not having a third in time.

I also wanted 3, but had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons. I think you're right, 3 is too many for the world as it is - but I'll always think of the one I couldn't have. We now foster so it's allowed me to offer necessary support and parenting to a wee one who needs it more than another child I won't ever have.

I sometimes think about having a third...

But it's hard enough with the two we have...

Plus I like nice things... holidays etc. I also think about how much more money I'll have to do stuff with mostly for myself if I don't have another child.

Also I think if we did, I would probably be sanctioned... I'm still battling PND... and was seeing a psychiatrist throughout my last pregnancy because I was so unwell. Life feels like it's on the up now as everyone is getting big DD starts school in September... couldn't do newborn stages again tbh.

I'm totally jealous of people with more than one child, never mind those that have three or more.

I know I should be grateful that at least I was able to have one.

I don’t think you’ve thought it through properly, and I think you don’t have the courage of your convictions. Also, your reasoning is ridden with holes.

Have a 3rd child.

We decided to stop at 2. It makes such a difference when you have a three-bedroom house. But I've always wondered about the third child I didn't have. If I'd had 3, I'd still have wondered about the fourth I didn't have. That way lies madness...

Be sure you aren't just wanting another cute baby. Or do what my son did - get two kittens instead of the third child. Much cheaper!

I don't get all the people saying "you having onemore child (or not doing so) is not going to change anything".

Surely if we looked at everything on such an individual level, we'd just stop making any effort to change things?

Why do I bother recycling? My individual plastic waste is hardly going to destroy the planet if I stop doing so.

Why do I avoid driving short trips? My individual car exhaust is not going to accelerate global warming!

etc.

Unlike the PP I think it's good for children to have several siblings, I think there's too much pressure on children in small families. I'd much rather be one of 4DC (as I was) than one of 2DC.

And I'm one of five and I had a very nice childhood but I'm not so silly to think there's only one best way to be brought up. Children in small families manage (and flourish!) just fine, for God's sake.

You can enjoy your family of three kids without being snide about smaller families, you know. Making digs isn't a requirement.

We stopped at 2. which we both wanted and have never regretted it. But I did go through similar feelings to you for a while, I put it down to a sort of grieving and saying goodbye to the third child that's never going to exist. Does that make sense?

I wanted a third (had fertility treatment for them) but was told as I have birth to dd that there was so much damage that having a third would be dangerous/impossible. I think that’s having no choice in the matter made me comes to terms with not having a third, as I know it’s something I’d have wrestled with too. I totally see your point of view. Whatever your decide to do is the the right thing for your nobody else’s decision.

I have three kids. My carbon footprint is tiny plus there’s more of us to help with the recycling. If you want a third kid, have a third kid. If the environmental aspect is important to you find other ways to lower your carbon footprint. Get rid of your car, don’t travel by aeroplane. Raise your kids to care about the world and go out and change it.
I don’t know you of course but chances are there are plenty of things you are currently doing in your life which negatively impact the environment. Choose your sacrifices!

The thing about the carbon footprint is that you can't just take the carbon footprint of one child and multiply by x.

Yes, there will be some increased costs around food and water.

But.

Children can share a room so you don't need one bedroom per child. Clothes can be passed down. (We were RAISED on bags of second-hand clothes. My sister and I had a girl cousin who was just a bit older than us. Getting a bag of her second-hand things was akin to Christmas morning.) My brothers I know for a fact had some outfits that all four of them wore at some point. If those clothes were still in good shape, they got passed down to cousins just a bit younger than us.

You'll probably need about the same size of vehicle for 2 kids as for 3, depending on the type of vehicle.

Books, toys, and games can be shared.

I am one of six children. We weren't poor, but there wasn't a ton of extra money. My parents made do. I joke that, technically, they did receive government funding - because my father worked for the government as a scientist.

Interestingly, to keep the birth rate at replacement level, you need an average of 2.1 children per woman. Two to replace the parents, 0.1 because not everyone makes it to reproductive age or reproduces if they do.

Now, obviously you can't have 0.1 children, but the point is, if every family has only 2 children the population will decline.