To request they swap bedrooms?

[Longestlurkerintheworld]

My partners has a primary aged daughter (I'll call her SD even though we arnt married). We have one baby together. House has one equalish sized bedrooms, they're not huge, and one box room. Baby currently has the box room. When baby was born it seemed to make sense she would have the box room until a little older then they would swap. SD originally stayed with us half the week and this had been the case for a while and is actually court ordered (My 'D'P actually fought quite hard to get 50/50). Prior to baby being born SD started staying with us one night a week less, spending an extra night at her mum's because he though this was 'easier'. Over the last 3 months roughly SD has actually only spent one night a week with us, spending the rest of it either with her mum's or DP let's her stay at her grandparents for a night and most of the following day.
This arrangement doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon. Would it be unreasonable to expect them to switch rooms as SD only actually uses it for around 24 to 36 hours each week at most and has done for the last 3 months.
I feel it's ridiculous I'm trying to cram all the baby stuff into a tiny room when there is a much bigger room unused the majority of the week.
I havnt spoken to DP as I know he'll this I am unreasonable, and I am fully prepared to be told I am being by the mumsnet jury.
AIBU?

When you leave move somewhere remote that’s hard to get to without a car. He will give up soon enough when doesn’t have you to make all the effort for him!

*give up

I would just leave it for now
She is probably feeling a bit confused at the moment and now you want to take her room from her. This does not bode well for the future

As you are planning to leave I wouldn't rock the boat over it, I would move your "D"P stuff into her room and free up more space in your bedroom for baby stuff

Longestlurkerintheworld I see you are planning to leave. Please read up on all the things to do. About getting your documents safe, money safe from him, and please do keep a record of how much you do with your dd and how little he does.

Do you want your child to know her half sister long term? That's not a trick question, a genuine one. If so, can you foster a relationship with your step daughter's mum (your partner's ex). So that if/when you split you can continue to see your step daughter/allow her to see your child etc, if you want to do this.

I also think it is very unlikely your current partner will get 50/50 care of the baby is he has failed at 50/50 care of his daughter.

Just make sure you keep all the info you need, and I hope your future is bright.

I don't think YABU.

It makes sense.

However, I seriously think you need to look very closely at why she's gone from 50/50 to barely staying at all now you have a new baby. .......that isn't the actions of a happy child.

Did he fight for 50/50 just to get out of paying maintenance?

This with bells on.

What he paid out in court costs will still be cheaper that CM long term.

My friend ex husband did exactly the same to her four kids. He then went on to work nights so his parents have them..

OP have a real good look at the man he is.

So although I'm not entirely sure the reason for less contact I suspect her mum doesn't help either. She's often telling SD how much she misses her whist she's not with her etc and telling her that if she wasn't staying at her dad's they could do -insert what ever exciting activity SD really wants to do- and she will buy her such and such you, DP, rather than saying actually no you come stay here on those days just says ok really. I suspect after I was unable to pick her for those short periods of time it's kind of spiralled from there and DP can't be arsed challenging it.

I've never really spoke to SDs mum other than briefly picking up and dropping off, never really a conversation though. I suppose it would be nice if they could both stay in contact a bit as SD really does love her little sister I think. Wouldn't really know how to go about facilitating that sort of contact though I guess.

I guess facilitating contact might start by just being friends with your SD's mum. Eventually if you do leave you may find you and her have a lot in common!

Don't leave yourself open to drama or whatever, I would not Facebook friend her etc or introduce her to all my friends etc. I would simply see if you can meet u fr a cuppa sometime, or a a McDonalds or whatever, with or without the kids (preferably with). If she sees you being nice (but not mum) to her dd she may warm to you.

It's your choice but I think if your relationship with your partner really does split up then the friendship/relationship between the kids will be down to him and it sounds like he doesn't really have it in him to make that happen.

up for a cuppa

You're perfectly reasonable and logical to swap. But I'd also look at making a bit more effort with your partners child as they seem to feel a little pushed out right now.

He then went on to work nights so his parents have them.

But doesn't that reduce his contact and raise his maintenance. Did in my case, I kept a diary, shared it with the CSA. For his shared care the DC's had to stay with him. that curtailed his parting

To my knowledge he doesn't, and never had paid maintenance. Never really queried it before as I didn't have kids and didn't really know how CSA worked I suppose.

I questioned the reduced contact a bit last night... It's just easier and SD prefers being with her mum is all I can really get from him.
When SD is with us though she seems pretty happy, isn't upset over missing her mum or anything. Plays happily and enjoys days out with us so I'm not entirely sure not wanting to stay here is the whole story.

Longestlurkerintheworld it sounds like it is all very complicated. As you are not sure if you are staying with your partner I think I would work that out, keep the rooms the same, store baby stuff wherever and see what the future holds. Good luck.