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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law strange behaviour?

154 replies

bellarosa81 · 16/05/2019 17:08

My mother in law is having one of my children today and overnight. Lovely!

My husband came home from Work and Said that they had spoken on his way home.

According to her my son’s shoes don’t fit properly so she Will go into town tomorrow to buy new ones.

Now they are new shoes so i explained they are a little hard and need to be Worn in but he has Worn them a few days and no conplaints so far from him or nursery.

She has a history of buying my children clothes and wanting to show her style through them!

She never contacted me to tell me what she thought though. I asked my husband:
had she not have mentioned it would he have noticed they were ill fitting .

He didnt know. 😉

Is this strange?

OP posts:
SpecterLitt · 16/05/2019 19:09

@Fiveredbricks I have no idea Fiveredbricks, but jellyfish70 seems to be doing a lot of projecting of his/her own issues with their mother in law. The level of taking offence is unreal considering this isn't their thread.

Truth of the matter is, sometimes the in-law's aren't the problem, the person their son/daughter chooses to marry arrives with a chip on their shoulder and is ready to take find problems no matter what.

Original poster
bellarosa81 · 16/05/2019 19:09

It’s Not..... but what’s the point in trying to explain myself.

OP posts:
jellyfish70 · 16/05/2019 19:09

I am not the OP , my DC are adult/teen! See my only previous thread if you like.
I don't like witnessing bullying on here, that's all.

jellyfish70 · 16/05/2019 19:10

I love my MIL btw.

Original poster
bellarosa81 · 16/05/2019 19:11

Ffs.....

Well apparently i’m the problem .

Thanks and goodnight .

OP posts:
NoSauce · 16/05/2019 19:12

What sort of shoes did you buy OP?
She spoke to her DS about buying new shoes? Are you upset it wasn’t you she asked?

She sounds quite nice really, babysitting and buying new shoes.

Haffiana · 16/05/2019 19:13

A GP deciding to take said GC out to buy replacement shoes BECAUSE the shoes his parents bought him are ill fitting, not fine.

So you being offended is more important than the comfort of your own child?

I think you have made your position perfectly clear now and we can see why you think OP is being reasonable.

SpecterLitt · 16/05/2019 19:13

@jellyfish70 No one here is bullying? Please think carefully before you make such horrid accusations.

Furthermore, no, not many will find issues with such things, evidently by the amount of people that have commented stating so. There are many of us who choose not to nitpick and look for problems in the actions of others. The mother in law in this instant purchased a new pair of shoes because they did not look comfortable and children's shoes should not need to breaking in to. If you want to take that as a criticism of your parenting, then that says a lot about you than the mother in law, because all she has done is act generously without making comments to the OP. Worst case scenario is a a child will have two pairs of shoes, hardly the crime of the century.

BertrandRussell · 16/05/2019 19:14

“A GP deciding to take said GC out to buy replacement shoes BECAUSE the shoes his parents bought him are ill fitting, not fine.”

So best to leave the child in ill fitting shoes. Right.

SpecterLitt · 16/05/2019 19:16

@bellarosa81 Wow, I can now see why your mother in law cannot win. People offered you reasonable advice and perspective's and your answer is a ridiculously dramatic one. Nothing awful has been said to you, yet if we all chimed in and slated your mother in law you would have had no problem. Your issue now is that not everyone agreed with you.. Hmm

NoSauce · 16/05/2019 19:16

There’s obvious a huge issue with the MIL and clothes here. According to your older threads OP, this incidence shouldn’t have come as a surprise surely?

crispysausagerolls · 16/05/2019 19:18

Well I think it’s rude and suggests you don’t know how to parent! Maybe I am also controlling as posters have so politely pointed out, but mother or MIL I would be irritated and tell them I understand how to buy my own child shoes thank you very much!

redspider1 · 16/05/2019 19:19

I think it's all about the communication here. Far better to talk to the OP if the DH was acting as Manuel form Faulty Towers and ' knew nothing' to speak, text the OP and run it by her.
I would feel a little offended if my MIL thought the shies I had bought for my DS were wrong. It's not her decision to make. I wouldn't, however, mind her offering her opinion to which I can answer before she goes ahead and over rules me!

TabbyMumz · 16/05/2019 19:20

I understand totally where you are coming from OP. If this was my MIL, I would think she was being judgemental about the shoes I had bought him and wanted to paint a picture of her being better than me, by doing this through her Son rather than me. My MIL did this with me quite bit...saying she was going to buy first pair of school shoes, then prom shoes.

Alsohuman · 16/05/2019 19:21

She’s not over ruling anyone. She’s buying another pair, not throwing the others away.

jellyfish70 · 16/05/2019 19:21

No of course it's not right for the child to wear ill fitting shoes. But it should have been the parents' decision not the GPs.

TabbyMumz · 16/05/2019 19:22

Ok, fyi king about it, why don't you ring her and say you dh mentioned the phone call and there is no need to buy him shoes, thanks.

TabbyMumz · 16/05/2019 19:22

That should have read thinking about it....

redspider1 · 16/05/2019 19:23

Sh'e not buying extra shoes, she is saying the shoes his mum bought aren;t good enough!

frazzledasarock · 16/05/2019 19:25

Would you have been happy if your MIL had called up and said she wanted to buy your son his first pair of school shoes for nursery?

I guess it depends on your relationship with your MIL.

Mine called me and asked me if she could buy DD her first pie of shoes and then we all went out and she got fitted for a pair we liked.
She’s going to be buying dd her first bike for her birthday. She asked if she could and has been excitedly researching it and is so so so thrilled a thank the possibility of buying it.

Personally I’m happy to let her. It clearly means a lot to her, it’s from a place of love and I’m honestly it bothered.

I don’t think your MIL sounds controlling, just by this post, sounds like she’s a grandma wanting to treat her grandchild.
Also nursery shoes shouldn’t need breaking into.

Alsohuman · 16/05/2019 19:26

She’s saying they don’t fit, nothing to do with them being good enough. It’s not a value judgement.

Chewbecca · 16/05/2019 19:27

I feel for the MiL here, it is such a minefield navigating what DiLs consider right and wrong and controlling.

redspider1 · 16/05/2019 19:30

According to her my son’s shoes don’t fit properly so she Will go into town tomorrow to buy new ones.

If that isn't a judgement on your skills as a parent, I don't know what is!

TabbyMumz · 16/05/2019 19:31

She made a few mistakes.....she told the father she was buying them, rather than ask if she could, or if they would like her to. Also she told the Father, not the Mother, and we all know how we like to be asked.

recklessgran · 16/05/2019 19:32

Oh God. Please tell me that giving DD money for DGC shoes periodically along with beautiful clothes from Monsoon, Joules et al and the odd book order from Amazon is not acceptable behaviour. I would be really heart broken if I thought my DD was offended by this. I do also babysit and like to play with and spend time with DGC. I'm amazed by your reaction OP.