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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law strange behaviour?

154 replies

bellarosa81 · 16/05/2019 17:08

My mother in law is having one of my children today and overnight. Lovely!

My husband came home from Work and Said that they had spoken on his way home.

According to her my son’s shoes don’t fit properly so she Will go into town tomorrow to buy new ones.

Now they are new shoes so i explained they are a little hard and need to be Worn in but he has Worn them a few days and no conplaints so far from him or nursery.

She has a history of buying my children clothes and wanting to show her style through them!

She never contacted me to tell me what she thought though. I asked my husband:
had she not have mentioned it would he have noticed they were ill fitting .

He didnt know. 😉

Is this strange?

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 16/05/2019 17:35

When you said in your second post "not a gift" did you mean that your MIL will be asking you or your husband for the money she is going to spend on the shoes?

nwybhs · 16/05/2019 17:35

Why not Show love With time , attention and affection instead of buying things that are NOT needed.

She is babysitting today AND overnight, surely that counts as the time, attention and affection part. FFS calm down over her buying shoes on top of that!

ReanimatedSGB · 16/05/2019 17:36

Sounds like you are the one with the control issues. Are you this miserable and self-righteous about everything else your family do?

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 16/05/2019 17:36

It’s a control issue.

And it is you being controlling.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/05/2019 17:38

Control!!!

Shoes get donated.

'Oh sorry MIL. His shoes were fine. Sorry your money was wasted, do ask me next time'

Rachelle11 · 16/05/2019 17:38

She is spending time with him and showing him affection. She also wants to buy him gifts. Some people show love that way.
It sounds more like you want to be in control than she does.

SpecterLitt · 16/05/2019 17:39

Oh give over, she evidently does that anyway by having them. Grandparents buying items for grandchildren is normal.

I remember your previous posts, it seems you're the one with control issues and seem to look for things to be offended by even though nothing has been said or done to you that is truly offensive.

mimibunz · 16/05/2019 17:43

do you think she will throw out the ones she doesn’t like?

Ticklingcheese · 16/05/2019 17:45

You are spoilt, people are helping you out, tip toeing because you have opinions. Now be grateful someone loves your dc, and leave it 😀.

BertrandRussell · 16/05/2019 17:47

“If not, get DH to tell her he doesn't want her to buy shoes or see if you can get a credit note without receipt.”

Why on earth should the dh do this?

1Wildheartsease · 16/05/2019 17:47

It isn't your MIL whose behaviour seems strange.

Why would one parent 'not have a clue' about their child's needs?

ladymariner · 16/05/2019 17:49

Get a grip, op, she's buying him a pair of shoes, she thinks his aren't comfortable. You know they are but so what...he's now got a spare pair.

You came on here asking if ywbu, pretty much everyone thinks you are but you still argue....you sound very hard work!

jellyfish70 · 16/05/2019 17:50

Controlling MIL. Would annoy me too OP. Is she having a dig at you for having ill fitting shoes ? I would ring her and speak to her to put her right. She can buy extra shoes but I wouldn't like her thinking badly of me.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 16/05/2019 17:50

I think you're the one with the control issues OP.

Also, I don't think nursery childrens shoes should be hard and needing to be worn in anyway. they should be comfortable at the very start.

Ratatatouille · 16/05/2019 17:51

Agree that it's not "showing love". If she wanted to do something nice for him then she'd either buy something he needs or something he wants. I doubt nursery age DC gives a shiny shite about what's on his feet, so it's about MIL wanting to stamp her style on him. I would find this irritating too because my kids aren't dolls to be dressed up - although admittedly I'd be more pissed off with this coming from MIL than DM, purely because MIL doesn't bother with the kids whereas my mum sees or speaks to them daily, despite living further away.

BlueMerchant · 16/05/2019 17:51

I'd not be happy. MIL is passive aggressively saying OP can't provide suitable shoes for her DS and making a deal of going into town to get him some that fit.
MIL saves the day. Whatever would they do without her!? Good job she noticed. Poor DGs.

IHateUncleJamie · 16/05/2019 17:52

What a bizarre thing to get arsey about. Confused I’d have loved a MIL (or indeed a DM) who happily had my dd overnight and took them out. If she wants to waste her money buying your ds shoes, let her. This seems like a massive non-issue.

cornish009 · 16/05/2019 17:52

Oh dear...is this me?
When I looked after my grandson yesterday we went shopping. I noticed his school shoes were a little tatty and when I saw some in his size in the sale I bought them. My daughter and son in law said "thank you, that saves us a job the weekend". Didn't realise it could be miscontrused as interferring. Whoops!

timeisnotaline · 16/05/2019 17:52

What is controlling about it? If she threw out your child’s other shoes maybe? We get it , you don’t like more shoes than necessary or your mil. But it’s not her fault you have different views on that. She thinks your child is adorable and would look so cute in x , so goes to buy x.

(And nursery age shoes should not need wearing in)

TenPastTen · 16/05/2019 17:53

I get it OP. Ok it's not the most pressing issue in the world but that's not the point.

The point is he doesn't need shoes, she's just disapproving of your shoe choices for him and by buying him new "better" ones she feels she can 1 up you. Especially because she went to your husband instead of to you, when she more than likely knows he wouldn't know/care.

If you haven't encountered a mil or someone close to you like this you won't get it. It's all about the sly

TheVanguardSix · 16/05/2019 17:54

Lighten up, OP and just roll with it. Will anyone die? No.

clairemcnam · 16/05/2019 17:55

No it is not a control issue.
A nursery aged child should not have hard shoes that need wearing in. They can damage delicate young feet. I suspect she knows that. You have insisted you are right, so she is tackling this issue just by buying him new shoes.

Deelish75 · 16/05/2019 17:55

So you believe that his original shoes are fine, she says their not and has chosen to replace them. What is she going to do with the original pair?

CarolDanvers · 16/05/2019 17:55

Well presumably she will get his feet measured and the size will be the same as the ones he already got and she will feel like a twit. Either way he ends up with two pairs of shoes. Let het waste her money. Roll your eyes and move on OP.

SpecterLitt · 16/05/2019 17:55

@cornish009 That sounds lovely and it seems your daughter and son in law did appreciate it, please don't take it as being interfering. This attitude seems to be exclusive to MN where users consistently pick apart anything their in laws do and say it's controlling, usually they're the one with control issues.

I could not live being this uptight and I'm sure your family do not think this way and are appreciative of what you do for your grandchildren.

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