Mother in law strange behaviour?

[bellarosa81]

My mother in law is having one of my children today and overnight. Lovely!

My husband came home from Work and Said that they had spoken on his way home.

According to her my son’s shoes don’t fit properly so she Will go into town tomorrow to buy new ones.

Now they are new shoes so i explained they are a little hard and need to be Worn in but he has Worn them a few days and no conplaints so far from him or nursery.

She has a history of buying my children clothes and wanting to show her style through them!

She never contacted me to tell me what she thought though. I asked my husband:
had she not have mentioned it would he have noticed they were ill fitting .

He didnt know. 😉

Is this strange?

[Deelish75]

• they’re

[jellyfish70]

cornish I would have been mortified that you felt my child's shoes were tatty, so much so that you bought new ones without checking with me.

[CarolDanvers]

I don't think you're being controlling by the way OP. I totally get where you're coming from but it's not worth getting stressed about.

[choli]

Why would one parent 'not have a clue' about their child's needs?
Because the other parent considers herself the boss parent.

[clairemcnam]

Come on lots of shoe shops are shit about measuring kids feet and fitting shoes.
If the shoes need "wearing in" they are not suitable.

[jellyfish70]

Because many men leave all that stuff to the wife. FACT!

[AvocadoLovingMamaOfOne]

YABU!!

[PositiveVibez]

She's probably scared of mentioning it to you so has just made up an excuse.

She is having your child day AND overnight. Yes. 'lucky you' as you said.

What a twat. Granny waning to buy her grandson new shoes. How very dare she

There's someone with control issues around here and it ain't your MIL!

[Apileofballyhoo]

I don't think he should have hard shoes that need wearing in at any age especially at his age.

But it's hard to tell if your MIL is at fault or not. I'd be happy for someone to buy DS shoes provided they were soft and light and wide for little feet comfortable and well fitting. My MIL has many difficulties but she'd always ask about clothes possibly to make a point about her choices meeting my disapproval although I am easy going, gracious and grateful about gifts.

[Coffeeisnecessary]

I get what you are saying op, my MIL is always implying our 2 ds are scruffy and buys them way too many clothes as she likes them to look a certain way, they have too many clothes and it bothers me! I think it is a control thing. However we have a terrible relationship so if this is the only issue then I think I'd not worry too much and appreciate the night off without giving it another thought!

[Crazycat16]

Is she likely to throw the shoes you bought out? That would annoy me.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

In another thread you said your mil doesn’t live in the same country as you. So how can she spend all of this time with your dcs?

From this thread and others, you sound very highly strung. Why are you sweating the small stuff?

[Geminijes]

Your comment that his present shoes are a little hard and need to be worn in is concerning. Children's shoes shouldn't have to be worn in or need 'softening up'.

Are you sure that his shoes do fit him correctly?

[Drasticaction]

Op I hear you.

Many really lucky mn just don't have this experience!

If you generally get on well with her etc just donate the shoes to charity shops or pop them in Xmas box for Africa etc.


If it's part of wider control behaviour then have a think about her seeing him so much.


A sweet kind respectful granny doing this....so what.

A manipulative undermining granny who has form for this, who is rude to mum etc... not on.

People cannot believe some people can turn something this innocent into a minefield of passive agressive behaviour. Believe me they can.

[lotusbell]

Still time to give her a ring and say " I really appreciate your offer but DS really doesn't need new shoes yet as I've just bought him his current pair". Then if she ignores you and goes ahead, then you either have a spare pair for him to play in or you could donate them. I get why you are annoyed, OP but if shes looking to wind you, you need to try and rise above it!

[jellyfish70]

YANBU

[BertrandRussell]

“People cannot believe some people can turn something this innocent into a minefield of passive agressive behaviour. Believe me they can.”

Yes they can, can’t they?

[fedup21]

When you said this is not a gift, do you mean that she will be expecting you to pay her back?

[BertrandRussell]

And nursery age children’s shoes should not need wearing in.

[piscis]

My Mil was trying to show her style through the clothes she (used to) buy for DD. Old-fashioned style kind of clothes that I don't particularly like and I think it's not very practical! After many hints from me (like for example "oh I love Zara's clothes") Finally she has started to buy stuff that I like much more. But yes, she was trying to decide what style of clothes my daughter would wear (she buys a considerable amount of clothes for her) but I was having none of it and I was que clear saying that that dress wouldn't be worn many times as not practical for playing...

But I think it is controlling behaviour, I didn't like it and my Mil has a problem with boundaries, I think it's the case with yours too tbh

[ladymariner]

jellyfish why on earth would your dm/mil have to 'check with you' before buying their gc a pair of shoes? Are you this controlling about everything else in your life?

[jellyfish70]

My cousin has a MIL that de-robes her DC on arrival and dresses them in the clothing that she has bought and likes. Is that ok with you all that think this is ok?

[Haffiana]

Oh, you again. Back asking MN to validate your obvious serious issues.

No. You are the one that has the problem, not the whole rest of the world.

[jellyfish70]

lady It's not the buying of extra shoes, it's the intonation that I have sent my child out in Ill fitting shoes that I would object to.

[Scrumptiousbears]

We have had new shoes fitted by both Clarke's and John Lewis and both times they were incorrect and had to be taken back within days. Maybe MiL is correct?