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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call BS!!

96 replies

rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2019 09:06

my OH sleeps through everything! on Sunday night I spent the night in a&e with my 3 yr old ds having a rash investigated I called several times to update him on what was happening re bloods etc ... He slept through the phone!

Last night our youngest woke at 1.15 he has a terrible cough and cold and proceeded to cry and cough for nearly 3 hrs , obviously I got up and did my best to soothe him with calpol and snuffle babe, milk and cuddles etc and he finally went back to sleep at 4.15 in his swing as being upright seemed to help, this meant that I had to stay with him in the lounge (our bedroom is next door) so I sat on the sofa until the 3 yr old woke at 6.30 and then the day begins.

My AIBU is this ... he always says I didn't hear anything! Is this even possible? Is it not in built into us as parents to hear these things especially when your child is in hospital? He always managed with night feeds to wake up etc although admittedly with the youngest not so much!

I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant and I'm exhausted after 2 whole nights of no sleep what so ever this week alone and he is just nonchalant about it all!

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/05/2019 09:11

Honestly if one parent always does it, then you learn to tune it out. I went back to work full time and DH became a SAHD, youngest was 10 months or so. I just stopped hearing the older two unless they came in our room for whatever reason.

That’s not to say he shouldn’t be helping. You are allowed to wake him and say you need his help.

Youngandfree · 15/05/2019 09:12

My question is why are you not waking him if you need a hand?? There is not a hope in hell I would struggle on through the night and let my dh sleep through it all!! You need to wake him if he is not waking... but yes I would call BS too I think!

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2019 09:16

I don't wake him cos frankly he's a moody b**tard if I do and I wouldn't want to inflict that on the youngest nothing major but think ... Huffing and puffing, For gods sake! Within half an hour he just has no patience!! Etc

OP posts:
RaptorWhiskers · 15/05/2019 09:16

He is a twat of the highest order and selfish to boot. You need to kick him out of bed if he doesn’t get up of his own accord.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/05/2019 09:16

DH has slept through a bomb going off. He wakes if he hears DDs at night (bit didn't when they were babies) . If he wasn't expecting the phone, he would sleep through that.

LettuceP · 15/05/2019 09:17

I'm a heavy sleeper and dh is a light sleeper and he's forever moaning at always being the one to get up with the kids if they wake in the night. I just don't hear them. I've told him so many times to just wake me up but he rarely does.

Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2019 09:19

That's my point @Around surely he should have been expecting the phone? I did say I'd call and I know I wouldn't need to telling to listen out for the phone while my ds was in hospital?

Ha ha @Raptor he is a twat indeed !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2019 09:23

Really Lettuce? Honestly I can't get it! it feels almost like it would be impossible to me to sleep through it like it's a genetic thing or something .. god I don't know how to explain it I just know that part of me thinks he must hear something and just thinks ahhh f**k it rabbits got this as usual!

OP posts:
RaptorWhiskers · 15/05/2019 09:23

I don't wake him cos frankly he's a moody btard
I’d still make sure he was awake even if I had no intention of letting him do the childcare. And we’d be having a serious conversation about the need for him to behave like a responsible adult instead of a grumpy child.

birdinatree · 15/05/2019 09:26

My DB never heard my niece as a baby, we sadly lost my SIL when niece was 2 - as soon as he was in sole charge he started waking up at the slightest noise. I reckon it's psychological- if they know someone else is there to take charge they genuinely don't hear it!

LindaLa · 15/05/2019 09:28

I don't wake him cos frankly he's a moody b**tard if I do and I wouldn't want to inflict that on the youngest nothing major but think ... Huffing and puffing, For gods sake! Within half an hour he just has no patience!! Etc

Op, seriously?

He has found a system that works for him...

Cottonwoolmouth · 15/05/2019 09:29

Well I was going to say wake him up but after your updates I just think he is a total knobber

desklamp · 15/05/2019 09:29

This would concern me, tbh. My stbxh is like this - sleeps through everything, apparently. I'd lay money on him just ignoring everyone and letting me get on with it.

His selfishness in this regard was a symptom of a much, much bigger problem....

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/05/2019 09:32

Why were you at A&E when you're very pregnant and not your husband? You need to expect him to actively parent and act accordingly.

Youngandfree · 15/05/2019 09:32

Ah well then he has it all sussed doesn’t he!
“If she wakes me I’ll be a miserable bastard” So I’ll just “sleep through it” and let her do all the donkey work!! Seriously OP...You are enabling this. You need to wake him up and tell him to cheer the fuck up as they are his kids too!!

EggAndButter · 15/05/2019 09:35

I say BS too.

Because I’ve had the same experience with H and a few ‘discussions’ where I told him the only reason he didn’t wake up was because he didn’t feel it was his responsibility sorted things out (plus not jumping and getting up but pushing him out of bed/waking him up).

I would Seriously ask him how on Earth he was looking after his years ingest child if he wasn’t able to hear the phone ringing several times. As you weren’t there (because you were in hospital), who did he expect to get up and see to his youngest child???

I suspect he doesn’t do a lot the rest of the times with his dcs either.

Morgan12 · 15/05/2019 09:35

Honestly don't get why you are being such a martyr though. I'd have woken him up.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 15/05/2019 09:37

I think you do have to wake him, or alternatively agree that you get to sleep at another time depending on work etc.
My OH can be really grumpy when woken up but I just persist and say tag your turn. It’s frustrating but he has got better. Sometimes you just have to persist in the ‘training’ however bloomin’ irritating it is that you should have to point it out to them that you don’t love getting two hours broken sleep Hmm

EggAndButter · 15/05/2019 09:37

And YY to the fact he has trained you well.
Plenty of huffy and puffy, having no patience etc... just to be able to get out of he bits he doesn’t want to do.

Does he do that for the other stuff he finds annoying? Like cooking, housework, washing the clothes etc...

Would he dare doing that at work? I doubt it.....

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/05/2019 09:41

Your husband is happy for you to sit in A&E at 35 weeks with a sick child (who might possible have meningitis?)!?!?!?

While he has a nice snooze?

That is appalling. He is selfish beyond words. You need to tell him to buck up - what's he going to do when you have a newborn to look after too, or will he just sleep through all of that?

Sorry but am furious on your behalf. Angry

Missingstreetlife · 15/05/2019 09:43

Oh no, bugger moody. Shout louder, he'll get the hang of it

IamaBluebird · 15/05/2019 09:45

You'll soon have three little children dependent on you op. Tell your Dh it's time to stop the grumpy behaviour and actually be a dad.

WillLokireturn · 15/05/2019 09:59

My exH did this. Despite promises to do at least one night a week he'd sleep through and tell me to F off if I (rarely) said "wake up, your turn go to DCs or baby". He said he needed his sleep (even on days off) the next morning as an excuse. So many broken promises. I worked too but did 99% child care. Your DH is "training you" (wrongly) that it's not his responsibility. There are many good dad's out there that take turns. I hope you can resolve it.

He is my ex H for a reason, was & still is a terrible parent. I pity his poor new DW (she's moved in with her parents twice and their DC is 18 months). It was easier with 3DC even with DC a baby to live without him. It was harder to be constantly let down, upset that he refused to share parenting, and to clear up after him than it was to be with DCs on my own.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/05/2019 10:02

I get the moody bastard thing, but people can, and do sleep through everything. I’d have made him take ds to a&e so you could sleep or at least rest.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/05/2019 10:03

Why do you keep having kids with this total knob - he is not going to change, it will continue to all fall on you... I am sorry OP