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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)

276 replies

RebeccaWrongDaily · 14/05/2019 23:31

My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 15/05/2019 08:26

I cannot even begin to fathom why your sister thinks this is ok. Unless its Blenheim Palace, you are going to be right on top of each other esp around the pool etc and these are people who you would never choose to holiday with under normal circumstances. Also, as myfavouriteplace right points out, they have pre-schoolers so could go at any time of the year - why does it have to be on your bloody holiday?

Is it definite that they have booked their flights? If not then you can insist on sole use. If not, can theirs or yours be moved? Or I would be looking for a nearby villa or city to decamp to for the week (and possibly look to bill your sister for it!)

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 15/05/2019 08:27

I'd book another villa for that week, then you have the higher ground in any future discussions. Its June and short notice, you might be able to get something else for a decent price and have a totally stress free break, albeit not the on you planned.

QueenKubauOfKish · 15/05/2019 08:29

I'd use the middle week to do some fun stuff like go and visit other places in the country, maybe a bit of glamping or some other kind of adventure. Perfectly reasonable and you don't have to fall out with the other family, just say you have other plans that week.

I wouldn't want to share with them but I wouldn't want to miss out on the house either.

Missingstreetlife · 15/05/2019 08:33

Sausage has it. Is there a good reason they can't go another time?

HelloYouTwo · 15/05/2019 08:37

All the people talking about the middle week, OP had booked only for 10 days, with the travel at each end that would hardly give then any worthwhile time in the villa!

OP you have to challenge your sister on this, that’s totally thoughtless of her. Also what sane people take 2 toddlers to a villa with an in fenced pool?

YoThePussy · 15/05/2019 08:38

Someone with a ukelele who is prepared to use it Grin

Do not lave the other couple to run amok in the villa and go elsewhere for part of the holiday. They will trash the place, sticky toddler fingermarks, food spillages, etc. You will be left doing the clearing up or risk your DSis’ wrath.

I am still scarred from over 10 years ago and a holiday house share. Two of the others there ate everything from the communal food cupboard, and I mean everything. Would get up at dawn for breakfast then eat more when we got up, some days there was no bread left by the time we got up. They played rousing games of ‘RummyCup’ until 2am in the living room. I do not know or ever want to know what the fuck RummyCup is, all I know is I hate it. They used the phone and tried to get us to split the bill although we didn’t use it at all. They left their bedroom area filthy as well. The owner was furious though not with us.

7yo7yo · 15/05/2019 08:42

Look at alternative accommodation around the location and make it clear to your DSis why you’ve done that.
Don’t lend her your holiday home again.

Justheretosee · 15/05/2019 08:44

How many days overlap? Could you hire a car (if not already doing so) for while they are there and use them days for a few day trips,water park etc? And maybe stay two nights in the city/resort close by? A night or two with them might not be the worst but a week is far too long!

FermatsTheorem · 15/05/2019 08:47

Sadly I think you have to do the sums and either bin 2 grand's worth of air fare, or find an extra grand for accommodation (I'm assuming this is the half term when accommodation's going to be pricey).

Then tell your sister what you've had to do, and say from now on all use of each other's holiday homes will have to be on a commercial basis, paying each other the going rate, so you know exactly where you stand.

I agree with PP that the noisy make-up sex scenario is probably you catastrophising. But the thought of two toddlers running around an unfenced pool will mean you cannot relax. And the parents having rows/giving each other the silent treatment won't be conducive to a nice holiday either. Sympathy!

TatianaLarina · 15/05/2019 08:49

Rather than demanding DSIS reschedule, I’d take the moral high ground and rebook the accommodation.

That way you should end up with an apology from her, rather than her spinning it that you are being difficult. (You’re not).

merrymouse · 15/05/2019 08:53

Agree with others - book somewhere else for the period that they are staying.

Presumably the flights are the most expensive part of the holiday anyway?

Alsohuman · 15/05/2019 08:53

Am I the only person who stays in hotels and is surrounded by total strangers and their children all the time? On holidays I pay handsomely for.

OP, this is no different. Treat it like a hotel. Take days out. Be polite to the other family and don’t engage otherwise. It’s a free holiday, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

PamelaX · 15/05/2019 08:56

I would tell my sister I am fuming and I am not sharing

I would be on the phone with the airline to find out how much it would cost to change the booking - you probably can't cancel it, but you might be able to change dates or possibly airport?

I would be on airbnb and similar to find alternate accommodation

How many days are the other couple actually there? If it's a short time, you could be off for that time, if not go somewhere else for the full duration.

If it's a short time, I would book a cleaner when they leave and send the bill to my sister.

I would never let my sister use my house again. I wouldn't even bother play the same trick on her

CoraPirbright · 15/05/2019 08:57

Oh god 10 days!! That had somehow passed me by with all this talk of the middle week! I would be even more furious!! Do you have friends who your sister wouldnt dream of going on holiday with? Ask her how she would feel if she was made to go on holiday with them? I really don’t understand how she thinks this is ok.

Also, I have been on a villa holiday with a couple in crisis. It was Not Fun.

labazsisgoingmad · 15/05/2019 08:57

i suppose her place so she can invite who she likes but seems to be expecting a lot you having to put up with this couple and their kids. would have been nice to run it past you before agreeing letting them book flights etc.

Kaddm · 15/05/2019 08:57

2 random toddlers, arguing parents Angry and a pool. Recipe for disaster.

That isn’t a holiday. Even if the toddlers are your own, it’s just slave labour going on holiday with such tinies.

Go to the villa, move out the day before the toddlers and arguing adults arrive into alternative accommodation. Are you going in half term or for longer/might you be able to get good off season rates somewhere?

merrymouse · 15/05/2019 08:59

Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

No. Your sister should have explained the situation before you booked flights.

ChicCroissant · 15/05/2019 09:00

Do you share cooking, bathroom facilities and leave your room unlocked in a hotel, Alsohuman because I don't think it's quite the same - this is much closer quarters!

From what the OP has said, her sister tends to holiday in a big group so it may not have occurred to her that this is not what everyone else does. I wouldn't like it.

Of the options you've given OP, I would challenge sister first (making it clear that the swap was on the basis of exclusive use and that you wouldn't have taken her up on the offer if you knew this would not be the case) and then try and find some alternative accommodation so you can use the flights. It is her house and she can offer it to her choice of people but not at the same time!

Hope you sort something out, OP.

RaptorWhiskers · 15/05/2019 09:01

I’d be furious. Tell your sister she needs to cancel these people otherwise she’s never using your holiday home again and your relationship will be seriously affected. See if she thinks it’s worth losing her sister over.

Ohyesiam · 15/05/2019 09:01

I’d book somewhere else, and find out from my sister how she gets to me so mellow over what to me would be a stressful situation. I’d like to know her secret!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/05/2019 09:02

I may be missing something but can't you (or they) change the flights? Even Easyjet let you do this, for an admin fee.

eddielizzard · 15/05/2019 09:02

Well since you're there for 10 days and them only 7, you could make yourselves scare all day long. Is that feasible? And only sleep in the house. Not quite the holiday you were envisaging, I'm sure...

thegreatcrestednewt · 15/05/2019 09:02

I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.

Sounds awful. Agree with everyone else! Your sister is VU. She should have clearly told you that she was planning on offering the villa to another family at the same time. That's not a relaxing family holiday!

I'd ask her to tell the other family the villa is no longer available. Otherwise I'd look around for another villa in the same area, so you can use your flights. (Not sure how you stand to lose 2k - that's expensive flights...)
And I wouldn't let her use your villa again!

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2019 09:03

How long is the overlap?
If they leave after you, yes I would move out and book a hotel for a few days... Make sure you film the house, so your sister can see how you left it as CF may trash it....

AngeloMysterioso · 15/05/2019 09:05

Ridiculously unfair of your sister to just unilaterally decide that you should have to share your holiday with another family without speaking to you about it first, regardless of whether or not you know them!

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