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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)

276 replies

RebeccaWrongDaily · 14/05/2019 23:31

My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

OP posts:
Gigglinghysterically · 15/05/2019 09:06

I'd just find alternative accommodation for the whole 10 days and then tell your DSis after you've booked it. I'd also tell her that the holiday home thing isn't working out for you so no more future freebies for her.

NataliaOsipova · 15/05/2019 09:08

That’s massively insensitive of your sister...

If she’s a “more the merrier” type, she has possibly made the mistake of assuming that everyone feels like she does. For example, I would be quite happy to share a holiday house with my Aunt Susan. I would also be happy to share a holiday house with my friends Chris and Louise. Chris and Louise have met my Aunt Susan several times and got on well with her. But it’s wholly wrong to jump to the conclusion that my Aunt Susan would be happy to share with Chris and Louise....or vice versa. I bet that’s what your sister has done. But it’s pretty thoughtless and a pain for you! I’d look for alternative accommodation in your shoes and be much less accommodating of the sister in future.....

TapasForTwo · 15/05/2019 09:13

Does this other family know that you will be there?

happybunny007 · 15/05/2019 09:17

Your DH is being a twat by suggesting you should retrospectively charge your DSis rent for when she used your holiday home.

BigGapMum · 15/05/2019 09:19

I would contact the other family direct, to try to put them off. If they haven't booked their flights yet they may well prefer to go at another time to have exclusive use of the place (depending on your DS' s offer, of course).

Kittekats · 15/05/2019 09:30

YANBCF at all.

Can you tell your sister that if they come you will have to look at alternative accommodation as their presence would significantly change your holiday and it’s not what you booked? What would she say to that?

Have they definitely booked flights?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/05/2019 09:36

Totally unacceptable - especially as sharing each others' holiday homes has so far been a mutual thing

Sorry to sound mean, but I'm afraid the offer of "yours" perhaps needs to be reconsidered

AngeloMysterioso · 15/05/2019 09:37

I’d be asking your sister to reimburse the money you’ve already paid out (assuming you can’t get a refund) so you can go on holiday somewhere else.

You know, by yourselves.

Toooldtocareanymore · 15/05/2019 09:47

I'd go, you will have a few days without them there, check their flights are actually booked in case they can shorten their time or move dates so less overlap, as you said you know them well enough, and they obviously feel its ok , assuming they knew you'd be there, so I think shooting into alternative accommodation would be expensive to you and probably unnecessary, I don't think it makes any point. As you can see the problem times, so I'd plan a few long trips out of the villa on those days , research area for markets, beaches, waterparks, can you hire boats or tennis courts sports activities suitable for your kids ages, etc. and try get out for the day on a few of the days, just get up in am and leave, don't discuss your plans unless its something you've tickets for already like waterpark, or time slot booked for hiring something, families can get together for evenings. If bickering from other couple starts in front of your kids, then instantly say can I have a word and say you don't want this. no need to put up and shut up, just don't tolerate it. The sex but not a lot you can do other than perhaps let them know you can hear if you do. That usually puts a dampener on things.

as for your sister its obvious she's just relaxed about these things, happy to holiday with others, so in future you know what to say in advance.

Inertia · 15/05/2019 09:48

That's really unreasonable of your sister.Only you'll know her wll enough to judge, but I wonder whether she's double booked on purpose, having offered your services as babysitter (and your children as playmates) so that the other couple have time to work through their marital problems.

You can't dictate what she does with her house, there's no point attempting to insist on anything. I agree with previous suggestions to book other accommodation nearby- staying with this family would not be a holiday.

Think I would draw an end to the arrangement of using one another's holiday houses- if she asks in future, just tell her that this experience has put you off house shares for family.

TeddybearBaby · 15/05/2019 10:07

Is your sister a people pleaser? I am and I know I’d really hate saying no to my friend because I’d already said yes to you. It would feel really uncomfortable for me.

Still think she’s really out of order though and I wouldn’t do it cos both my sisters would be fuming and would let me know it as well 😂. I think I’d probably still go tbh but I think you’re entitled to do whatever you like 💐

BobLemon · 15/05/2019 10:08

It sounds annoying. It’s always hard when you have expectations, and then the situation changes.

But I feel for your sister. Who was just trying to do a nice thing.

No good deed goes unpunished, ay?

BruceAndNosh · 15/05/2019 10:08

Is your sister's place in Mexico?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/05/2019 10:14

Never, ever go on holiday (forced or otherwise) with people that you don't get on with really well AND share parenting styles with. I expect you'll be watching their kids whether you want to or not and potentially be a baby sitting service. Will your kids want smaller ones around all the time?

Check your travel insurance, if you can't get the money back I'd stay somewhere else and stop the holiday home swapping.

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2019 11:12

It is your children who will be me babysitters for toddlers .
Toddlers are always wanting to copy older children, it is totally going to change the children's relaxed break away... Also remove be all breakables if you go ahead with the holiday or your pair could lose things ..

rookiemere · 15/05/2019 11:37

I'm pretty sure holiday insurance doesn't cover other people being in the property Wink.
However it may be possible to change flight dates for a fee rather than cancel- although of course you'd need to trust Dsis not to double book for new dates.

CabbageHippy · 15/05/2019 11:40

I would be furious & if I couldn't get my flights refunded I would be making alternative arrangements in the same country so as not to loose out completely

outvoid · 15/05/2019 11:51

I’d challenge your sister first and if she won’t back down then I’d book somewhere else (if finances permitted) for the week the other family will be there.

Sharing with them sounds like a total nightmare and your sister has been very thoughtless.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 15/05/2019 12:19

Could you change your flight dates?

Stifledlife · 15/05/2019 13:43

Go!
The first week chill, laze around the pool, have leisurely family time.
The next week when the bickering bad parents arrive, go out every day. See the sights. You won't be around to babysit their kids or run interference as the war escalates.
The next week you are back to BBQs around the pool.

..and tell sister to NEVER do that again.

soulrunner · 15/05/2019 13:46

stifked they’re only there 10 days and have other family there for 7 of them.

MintyT · 15/05/2019 13:46

Ask your sister to tell the other Family she has made a mistake and it's Bookec to you
Tell your sister your disappointed with her and you want this holiday with just your family
If she cannot amend this still go.

PamelaX · 15/05/2019 14:05

happybunny007
you are the sister are you?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/05/2019 15:29

Is your sister a people pleaser? I am and I know I’d really hate saying no to my friend because I’d already said yes to you. It would feel really uncomfortable for me.

But you'd still do it, wouldn't you @TeddybearBaby? Because otherwise you'd know you were going to have to tell your DSis and that would be even more uncomfortable.

Antigon · 15/05/2019 15:42

OP you sound too nice. They’ve stayed with their in laws at your place multiple times but now expect you to share with their friends the first time —and only time— you stay at theirs?! They’re CFs extraordinaire !!

Please tell sis that this unacceptable and that they need to reimburse you for the cost of your flights or to pay you £2k for having stayed at your place.

And never let the CFs stay in your place! Take the keys from them!