Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)

[RebeccaWrongDaily]

My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

You're definitely not being cheeky or unreasonable. I would be very upset if our family holiday was ruined like this. I would look for alternative places to stay and tell my sister exactly why - why worry about hurting feelings, she obviously doesn't care about yours.

I'd go, but stay elsewhere the week the friends were visiting. I wouldn't tell your sister in advance. Say you made the decision spontaneously after arriving and seeing a nice hotel/villa when out exploring and that your main motivation was to give the younger family more privacy. Do it sincerely, not in a snide way. If you want to add an extra layer, then throw in DH coming down ill and not wanting to spread it. Everyone wins and no one is offended (outwardly).

If the onus has been put on you to do a handover for keys or whatever, figure out a way to do it and inform the friend before the sister.

1. Book new accom
2. Arrive at sister's
3. After a day or so inform friend of new arrangement
4. Right after, inform sister
5. Enjoy holiday

I'd be furious as that wouldn't be a holiday to me

Your sister’s actions are awful, as are her friends’.

Sounds like you have the funds to pay to stay in alternative accommodation: that’s what I’d do.

Your DH’s idea of retrospective charging for time spent at your holiday home is nasty, and he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on legally.

YANBU
I would be very annoyed and wouldn’t want to go.
Why didn’t she run it past you first.

I'd be absolutely furious! And I wouldn't go. You'd only have a couple of days there without them. I can't believe your sister can't see the problem I think it's more likely that she wanted to be generous and help her friends, and she actually couldn't give a fuck what you'd think about it.

I'd book alternative accommodation for that week AND tell your sister why beforehand

Ridiculous to spare her feelings when she didn't consider yours

She needs to know she was BVU

Yes, definitely tell your sister you’re angry and disappointed.

If it’s a mutual friend I would tell them too.

Well I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. Completely changes your holiday.

I’m not surprised your DH is furious but you can’t retrospectively charge your sister obviously!

I would let her know how disappointed you are though. And I’d book somewhere else to stay. It won’t be a holiday for you otherwise as you will be on edge the whole time.

Or ask if the friends have booked flights yet. If they haven’t maybe your sister could put them off?

I would book alternative accommodation for the whole holiday tbh and just avoid the whole mess. Use your flights, pick up a hire car at the airport, head off somewhere quiet and beautiful, don't give your sister another thought.

Any issues with keys or whatever are up to her to arrange.

And put any holidays in your house on to a formal footing now.

I'd book somewhere else for the time the other family are there and be clear next time you make arrangements that additional 'guests' will not be tolerated.

Can you talk to her again and say absolutely not? If you wanted to share a holiday, you’d have asked them! It sounds horrific, there’s no way I’d be up for that.

Your sister is awful.

Can you check the terms of your travel insurance? Is it possible that you can claim back the 2K because accommodation is no longer available?

Oh and YANBU your sister is mental. Just trying to offer options for you to salvage your holiday.

I would try and book an alternative villa that uses the same airport.

You have to wonder why your sister would ever do this?

I mean there is relaxed and then there is this. I would not be sharing my holiday house this year with her, and would book elsewhere and tell her why.

You can be sure that holidaying with strangers gaming marriage problems is going to be no picnic and throw in the very young, unsupervised children and it’s a recipe for disaster.

Nightmare. I'd probably look up air Bnb's or villas nearby, and if it turns out to be as bad as you think, move on. However it might be ok, which is why I'd stay out at first. I wouldn't be babysitting their kids.
I'd be really pissed off with her too.

First thing would be to try and prevent this other couple from going. Tell you sister that you aren't prepared to share the house, your flights are booked and you really need a break without a bickering couple and their two small DC sharing your space. It doesn't matter if there is 'room' for you all, that's not the point. Your DSis said you could stay, she should have only allowed others to stay at the same time if she'd checked you were okay with that. I'd be utterly furious if my DSis did this to me.

And if that isn't possible - if your DSis isn't prepared to put this other family off, is your place empty? Can you change your flights? Can you afford to lose the ones you've booked? I think I'd rather lose the cost of the airline tickets than have my holiday ruined.

What an odd thing for your sister to do! No matter how big the house is, you’ll spend all your time round the pool with them, so you’ll end up being on top of each other. Evenings will be with them, cooking with them. It’s a totally different holiday.

Where is the villa? I’d try to book something nearby. I would also tell your sister!!

You could suggest she pays for her friends to stay somewhere else? (Only joking)

I will come and stay at your holiday home with ds... I will take his phone away guaranteed we will only need to be there half an hour to prove the point.

I may be a tad grumpy at being woken up by the wails of annoyance at the phone updating this morning

That is so rude of your sister! Even if they didn't have kids and had the happiest marriage I'd still be absolutely raging that my holiday was being interrupted for a week!

You are definitely not the unreasonable ones here.

To echo others, try to book alternative accommodation so you don't lose your flight money.

Stop the reciprocal holiday house sharing.

There's no way I'd share with this family in these circumstances.

Go but be as care free and feckless as them.

Go out for meals, drink by the pool, refuse to play lifeguard etc.

Come back late/when you want. Cool your own food noisily if you like (you’ll be cooking when their little ones are going down) and generally have a lovely time. Ignore them. Don’t chip in to food shopping/tell them your plans etc.