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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed people assume this will be my last pregnancy?

94 replies

Denise3011 · 14/05/2019 19:37

I have a DS and I’m expecting a DD.
I know when people are pregnant with a second/third baby of the same gender they get: “oh, never mind, you can try again for a boy/girl”

I seem to be facing the opposite comments daily and it’s really starting to annoy me! (Probably because I’m 38 weeks pregnant & everything annoys me!)

“Oh how lovely, one of each. You won’t need to have any more then”
“Oh perfect, a boy and a girl, that’s you done then”

Am I done? Do I have to be ‘done’ just because I’m lucky enough to have one
of each?!
For the record, I don’t know if I am ‘done’!
But strangers seem to have decided for me!
Work colleagues even had a conversation about me “not needing anymore mat leave” and how “financially, why would I want a 3rd or more”
I know it’s harmless comments, but I’m fat and frustrated!

OP posts:
kb1992 · 14/05/2019 19:38

I've got a little boy and currently pregnant with a girl and keep getting the same remarks! We probably will be done after this one but it's nobody else's business! People need to learn to keep their comments to themselves

Ullupullu · 14/05/2019 19:40

What would you rather they said? It's an awkward conversation whatever you answered.

iolaus · 14/05/2019 19:41

If someone told me they were having a girl and they had a boy I probably would say 'that's lovely.'

If they told me they were having a boy and they had a boy already I'd probably say 'that's lovely.'

Heck if they told me they were having a monkey I'd probably still reply with that's lovely. - because thats the only appropriate response to someone's forthcoming offspring - that's lovely - and then you stop right there

mbosnz · 14/05/2019 19:42

They could say nothing? Other people's procreational choices are their business?

Mayalready · 14/05/2019 19:42

Tell them next time you will be hoping for a gender neutral dc...

YahBasic · 14/05/2019 19:44

Similar to May, if you get a comment again, say “oh we’re going to try for a third so we get one of each/get a full house” and watch them try and figure out what you mean Grin

NCforThisO6 · 14/05/2019 19:46

Yep I had ds then dd and got aww now you don't need to have anymore!!
Then had another dd and now I get will you try for a boy Hmm

ethelfleda · 14/05/2019 19:47

I think the problem here is that very few people really care about your offspring and whether you’re having a boy or girl and just try and think of something to say to be polite and appear interested. And they then fail massively and piss you off. Better than them saying ‘I don’t give a tiny rat’s ass’

MissSmiley · 14/05/2019 19:49

My aunt said this to me after I had my daughter, already had a son so I went on to have a third pregnancy and got twins!

SunshineCake · 14/05/2019 19:51

Strangers haven't decided for you as they have no say.

I had someone be surprised I was expecting again as already had one of each. Some people are hard of thinking and assume everyone wants one boy and one girl.

SignedUpJust4This · 14/05/2019 19:52

People are twats.

Tunnocks34 · 14/05/2019 19:54

People can speak without thinking when it comes to pregnancy.

We’re having our third currently. Our third boy. Several people have pulled a ‘condolence face’ when I’ve told them it’s a boy. One person has even said ‘what a shame!’

SunshineCake · 14/05/2019 19:54

MissSmiley - you tried for another child because your Aunt assumed you were done with having kids?

Usuallyinthemiddle · 14/05/2019 19:56

They just make conversation. They really don't care and aren't at all invested in how many kids you have. It's rubbish smalltalk but that's all it is.

zsazsajuju · 14/05/2019 19:58

I dunno if I’d I’d say “that’s lovely” if they were having a monkey. I’d be a bit too surprised.

loveonthewall · 14/05/2019 19:59

I think people are just making small talk because truly no one but you and your immediate family are remotely interested in your family plans.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 14/05/2019 20:01

"Heck if they told me they were having a monkey I'd probably still reply with that's lovely. -"

I bet Danny Baker would be relieved if someone told him that.. 😂

Original poster
Denise3011 · 14/05/2019 20:03

It is small talk - I know it’s harmless and just trying to make polite conversation from strangers! I meet new people every day so I’m just tired of general chit chat about my bump!
Work have annoyed me tho - it’s actually presumed I am done, I think if I was to have another, my bosses would be quite annoyed!

OP posts:
WeCameToDance · 14/05/2019 20:04

This really annoyed and upset me in my last pregnancy. I had a boy and found out I was having a girl so one of each. I got told the same, 'ahh, perfect family!' 'No need to go through it again, one of each' etc.
I should have just brushed it off but I kept agreeing with them to shut them up all the while knowing in my heart I wanted one more. As ridiculous as it sounds they made me feel guilty for wanting a third for the sake of wanting another child. Like it was only acceptable if you were trying for the opposite sex and anything else was just greedy. Not to mention the obvious insinuations that having children of the same sex is somehow lesser than chidren of opposite sexes!
I'm over it now and when anybody says anything I tell them I would love another one in the future. People just don't think before they speak!

featherflight · 14/05/2019 20:06

Maybe don’t worry about it and go for a pregnancy massage? You sound stressed.

KindergartenKop · 14/05/2019 20:06

I used to fume when people told me I could (and SIL said I should!) try again for a girl when I was pregnant with ds2.

formerbabe · 14/05/2019 20:07

In the nicest possible way, people don't really care about how many children you have, they are just filling the silence! Don't take it personally.

lilabet2 · 14/05/2019 20:07

YANBU, how silly!

lilabet2 · 14/05/2019 20:08

*How silly of them.. sorry that wasn't clear!

soundsystem · 14/05/2019 20:08

I agree completely!

If you do decide to have a third, people will assume (and sometimes ask!) if it was an accident.

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