Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed people assume this will be my last pregnancy?

94 replies

Denise3011 · 14/05/2019 19:37

I have a DS and I’m expecting a DD.
I know when people are pregnant with a second/third baby of the same gender they get: “oh, never mind, you can try again for a boy/girl”

I seem to be facing the opposite comments daily and it’s really starting to annoy me! (Probably because I’m 38 weeks pregnant & everything annoys me!)

“Oh how lovely, one of each. You won’t need to have any more then”
“Oh perfect, a boy and a girl, that’s you done then”

Am I done? Do I have to be ‘done’ just because I’m lucky enough to have one
of each?!
For the record, I don’t know if I am ‘done’!
But strangers seem to have decided for me!
Work colleagues even had a conversation about me “not needing anymore mat leave” and how “financially, why would I want a 3rd or more”
I know it’s harmless comments, but I’m fat and frustrated!

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 14/05/2019 20:55

Yes YABU to get so wound up with idle chit chat like this, as is the person who says they are 'twats'.

Schnitzelvonkrumb · 14/05/2019 20:55

I had DD first. When i was pregnant with DS we went to a family party about 3 weeks before he was born (i had a suspicion it was a boy but we didn't "know") probably 5 of DHs relatives said "oh it would be lovely if it was a boy " like another DD would be somehow inferior or disappointing. I came away really really wanting another girl just to annoy them especially MIL

SkittishWits · 14/05/2019 21:01

Yeah it's just filler conversation. Something daft people say you have to roll your eyes at.

I've become good at it with b/g twins

'Did you plan a boy and a girl?' Really?
'Are they natural?' They are human, definitely not robots
'Are they identical?' No, that one has a penis (first person that ever asked me this was a health visitor ffs)

There have been loads over the years. DH laughs his head off at my deadpan responses now, but honestly after the 556th time I just can't be arsed now.

Owlettele · 14/05/2019 21:06

Yeah I had this and even on congrats cards. It really annoyed me. Had daughter first and then son. So many people put on their card a boy to complete your family etc. We are 99.9% done I think but I wasn't sure at this point and it's no one else's decision. Pregnancy and birth seem to make people think they don't need a filter on what they say.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/05/2019 21:08

It isn't a new thing, I am 53 yo , the Dr said to my Mum, "Oh another little girl, better luck next time" (My DMum was delighted to have a 2nd daughter )

TeddybearBaby · 14/05/2019 21:11

@ethelfleda I just lol..... pretty accurate though 🙊

kaytee87 · 14/05/2019 21:20

If they're strangers then why are you even telling them the sex of your unborn baby? Just say you don't know and move the conversation along if it annoys you.

Acis · 14/05/2019 21:24

After I’d had DD1 and DS my mother told a family friend in my presence “That’s the lot, we’ve decided.” I muttered something about not remembering that discussion, but she ignored me. I’m not saying that was a deciding factor in our decision to have DC3, but it definitely contributed.

BackToDecember · 14/05/2019 23:01

People are very annoying when you're pregnant. I already had my Mom saying about If my 10 week pregnancy is a boy then we'll be finished.

Despite me saying multiple times in the last 4 years that we want 3 kids regardless of sex. If this baby is also a girl I won't be trying for a boy next time, I'll just be having the 3rd baby we wanted all along.

snop · 14/05/2019 23:17

I have 2 girls and always get asked if I'm going to try for a boy, I would like Another baby but would prefer another girl if I'm honest.

Oohgossip · 14/05/2019 23:20

I’m lucky enough to have a boy and a girl and I’ve had the same comments op. But I’m definitely
Not done and will be having a third

Complainingagain · 15/05/2019 07:21

Oh it's all harmless small talk. Don't overthink it!

Maybebaybe · 15/05/2019 07:27

people don't really care about how many children you have

This. Really, they don't.

Plipplopbop · 15/05/2019 07:28

I hate these assumptions too. I have 2 DS and one DD. So many people say, 'oh you finally got your little girl then'. No, my little girl was a complete surprise, un planned and if she'd have been a boy I'd have been just as happy.
Worst thing was she said it the other day, that I'd tried and tried until I got her.

londonrach · 15/05/2019 07:35

Its just polite conversation people say. No one is interested in your pregnancy apart from you, your family. Better tha n asking about the weather as they not ignoring the fact you are pregnant. Yabu.

formerbabe · 15/05/2019 07:48

Thanks to everything I read on mumsnet, when a lady I knew told me she was expecting her third boy, I congratulated her and said how wonderful...she looked like me as if I was crazy and said had been hoping for a girl

RiftGibbon · 15/05/2019 08:08

It's that whole small talk thing - people honestly don't seem to think about what comes out of their mouths.

DeadWife · 15/05/2019 08:20

I had it too, when having my DS. In my case they were right, I was done and if I he had been another DD as much as I'd have loved her of course, I would have tried for a third as I really did want a son.

That;s just my case not everyone's but agree with PPs, people trying to make polite chitchat just don't think sometimes. For all they know you could have miscarried recently or anything.

ShartGoblin · 15/05/2019 09:20

@Lauren83

That's so nasty . I'm quite shocked that anyone would think that's an acceptable thing to say especially a nurse. I hope she was embarrassed enough to never repeat anything like that again.

Lauren83 · 15/05/2019 09:25

Shart she was pretty old school and didn't seem to think there was an issue with it so hopefully she won't say it to the wrong person next time!

VampirateQueen · 15/05/2019 09:26

I kept getting this all the time whilst pregnant with my DS, I already had my DD, and everyone kept saying "one of each, you won't need to try again" etc. Now my DS is 1.5 years old everyone keep asking when I will have another one.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 15/05/2019 09:32

Mines gone the opposite way now, I’ve just had my third and people assume I’ll keep going .

Kanin · 15/05/2019 09:43

they're boring and thoughtless. I have one child after years of fertility treatments. I can't have any more. I've had plenty of comments about my DD being lonely (in earshot of her), that I'm lazy for having just one, and that I really shouldn't wait and should have another one.

HappyRoots · 15/05/2019 10:20

People are twonks. A woman on the checkout at a supermarket sparked up a conversation with my then-5 year old about how cute she was looking, etc... then said, "I bet you'd love a little brother or sister". I had secondary fertility issues so um NOPE 'fraid not looking likely, but THANKS for planting that seed in my daughter's head random checkout person! But she didn't mean anything - it's just a bit of mindless/thoughtless chat. Although it is perfectly possible to never ask intrusive questions during "small talk" (hate that term - seems to be a blanket excuse for twatty comments you must never mind).

Mamabear12 · 15/05/2019 10:30

I got the same remarks, one of each, now you don't need to try for another....well guess what....I did try for another and we are having a third!!! :)

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread