To expect STBXH to buy

[Thelonewolf]

Properly fitting school shoes for the children!
My eldest son needed new school shoes as he’d worn his out, I feel very strongly that school shoes should be fitted by a qualified shoe fitter and he’s known this for years DS1 is 8! As it was his weekend I asked if he could pick some up as he needed replacements ASAP!
However he bought them off the shelf- I’ve checked the shoes I feel they don’t fit properly- he has wide feet and high insteps.
I expressed my disappointment as he knows it’s something I feel very strongly about and he’s thrown his teddies out of the pram. “How dare I force my parenting style on him?” and is now refusing to communicate at all!

Did his old shoes become unwearable between stbxh's weekend and the weekend before?

Surely at 8yo your DS could have told his dad the shoes didn't fit?

What qualification do you think a shoe fitter should have? You do know that the staff in Clarks etc are just sales assistants?

Yabu. You have your opinion on what shoes to buy, your sons father has his. I don't think you get to dictate. (Even though I think you're right re properly fitting school shoes)!

@NoBaggyPants
We are actually trained properly and not "just sale assistants" as you so kindly describe us

@PleaseGoToSleeep What qualifications do you have? And my apologies, Clarks sales assistants are k
"team members". What qualifications do "team members" have?

Well it's a bit stupid spending money on shoes and not taking a few minutes to check they fit. Did DS tell Dad they weren't comfortable?
PA moan at you getting him to pay for them and expecting him to buy expensive Clarks?

Used to work for clarks. I was most certainly trained to do so

Why do they need a qualification in order to be properly trained?

Note that OP says "I feel they don't fit properly" - not that her DS has said they're uncomfortable. Honestly if it was that essential that he has a specific kind of shoe she should have done it herself if she knows the father doesn't agree it's necessary.

Mmh I would say YABU to insist he can’t buy off the shelf just because you «feel strongly about it»

My ex was the same. He would not pay any maintenance for 4 little children , the argument being that he did not know that the money would go to the children. Just an excuse. Anyway I asked him then to buy them shoes as they were needed. Like the OP I was fussy about which shoes and preferred to go to a shoe shop that would measure and fit the growing feet.
No. The cheapest shoes possible, came home, off the shelf.
I was furious. So, in my opinion, YANBU

To date school shoes have always been bought in an independent shoe shop, registered with the society of shoe fitters - with qualified shoe fitters!
Throwing his teddies out of the pram and refusing to communicate “unless they are in danger” is a bit extreme though because I prefer their school shoes to be fitted properly.

Is this really the hill you want to die on?

@churchthecat
Yes sort of agree.
Some things are just not worth the hassle. And I think your strict rules are a bit I mean they’re right to a certain extent. But much bigger shit is going to happen in the long term.

You’re not in the slightest bit unreasonable. The reason my son and I (both high insteps) have immaculate feet is because we had properly fitted shoes as children.

Anyway, lesson learned, never trust him to buy them again - which, I suspect, is why he’s done it.

Your ex is entitled to make different parenting choices and if you feel strongly about this you need to take him to the independent shoe shop yourself.

You do know that the staff in Clarks etc are just sales assistants?

Sneery at 'just sales assistants'

www.clarks.co.uk/in-store-services

Clarks trained shoe fitters understand the way in which children's feet develop, and the importance of finding the right fit. So, when you come to Clarks, we'll make sure your child walks away with the best shoes for their feet. We not only measure your child's feet, but see how different designs feel on their feet, and carry out a six-point fit check.

All our store staff receive expert training when they join the company, and attend monthly sessions so they can refresh their knowledge. We also have a retail intranet in place, so that they can continue to learn.

To date school shoes have always been bought in an independent shoe shop, registered with the society of shoe fitters - with qualified shoe fitters!

Which seems tiny bit excessive to some. Including your ex. You can't tell your ex how to parent (barring abuse or neglect) or really even suggest now you're not together. Is he generally an involved and competent parent?

There is also a society of shoe fitters

www.shoefitters-uk.org/

I think that if you're this particular about his shoes then it puked have been better if you had taken DS yourself.
I suspect there are other frustrations between you both that are making his OTT reaction about the shoes loaded with other emotions as well.

Sounds like your his ex for a reason 😐

I think your being a tad OTT and looking for an argument. Is your son actually uncomfortable in the shoes? If so ask for the receipt and take them back, why make a big fuss about it?

Is this really the hill you want to die on?

Absolutely. I can't imagine getting so worked up over this.

He is entitled to parent in a way he sees fit. If you don't like it, take him for some professionally fitted shoes yourself.

@JustTwoMoreSecs I feel strongly about it because poorly fitted shoes can damage feet!

@JustBreathing @churchthecat what rules would those be? And what “bigger shit” is going to happen long term? You seem to know something I don’t from a conversation about shoes?

If you prefer them to be bought at a qualified fitters such as Clarks or a start rite fitter then you go and buy them.

You gave his dad a job, buy school shoes which he did. If it isn't good enough for you then you can replace them.

That should read as would not puked! Daft phone