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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told my boyfriend I might be pregnant by text - I have already taken a pregnancy test

91 replies

Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 10:53

I am 38 years old, I have been in a relationship/seeing someone since September last year. Things are pretty difficult with us right now, we both have a lot going on. Both have careers, his is going great - mine is going terribly right now.

I have been on the mini-pill for months. I came off it for a month as I bled for 4 weeks and was anaemic after emergency surgery wherein I went under general anaesthetic twice. It was around this time I think I had a break from the pill.

We had sex but I was going off an app that showed when you are fertile (and we did not have sex on the fertile days).

Anyway, today I took a pregnancy test, just to assure myself that my period was late and there was nothing to be concerned about and two red lines have come up. One is more distinctive than the other, but it is very obviously there.

We aren't even living with each other at the moment. In fact, I am living with my family because I had to go part-time at work due to sickness. I knew I had fertility issues in the past - suspected PCOS (I only got my periods 4 times a year).

I guess my AIBU is I just sent him a text message and eased him into it by saying I am still late. What I haven't told him is that two red lines showed up (if I knew how to add the picture here I would).

What on earth should I do??

I have always been so careful. Around Easter I was really sick and this is when I suspect this might have happened as we weren't having sex for the 4 weeks I was on my period.

This is the worst time for me, I don't know what I am going to do or how I am going to get through this. Lately I have had some right sided pelvic pain and thought that perhaps I was going to need my appendix out.

Has anyone been through something like this? I am very much freaking out.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 13/05/2019 10:55

What on earth should I do??

You need to tell him. Probably not by text though!

How do you feel about it? Other than panicked.

Soubriquet · 13/05/2019 10:57

You need to tell him you’ve taken a test and that it’s positive

You then need to contact your doctor and be referred to the midwife

In the mean time, have a think about what it is you want to do. Don’t let him pressure you into making a decision

Pizzaaddict · 13/05/2019 10:57

Well do you want to continue the pregnancy? What has he said in response to your text?

NoBaggyPants · 13/05/2019 10:57

You weren't that careful were you. Apps are fine for people with regular cycles, not for people just off the pill.

You're going to need to tell him and then work out what you want to do. Do you wish to keep the baby?

Prequelle · 13/05/2019 10:57

I don't think you've been careful going of an app to prevent bringing a child into the world OP but that's neither here nor there now, I think you can now use the text you've sent to gauge his reaction. Has he not texted back yet? How are you feeling about this? What do you want to do?

The right sided pain could be concerning, you should get checked out in case it's an ectopic, rare but a possibility. It could also be a harmless ovarian cyst that usually go on their own (many pregnant women have these especially on the right side).

CentralPerkMug · 13/05/2019 10:58

You need to see a doctor. You know you are pregnant and you are having pelvic pain - you need to confirm it isn't ectopic. Then you can consider your options. It sounds like you mightn't want to continue with the pregnancy? I don't know the process as I live outside of Britain, however hopefully someone can advise on that. You cannot ignore this though, you need to get checked out, consider your options and go from there.

Bobcut · 13/05/2019 11:00

If you have pcos and 4 periods a year and 38 and if you ever wanted children- now is your time- you are really lucky it’s even happened. It could be really hard given this info.

I would tell him ofcourse face to face as soon as you can.

Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:02

@NoBaggyPants
Thank you for that. My cycle was regular before going on the pill, then I bled for 4 weeks and then I didn't have sex on the fertile days. But you're right, it was completely my fault and I feel terrible. This is a terrible time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:05

@Pizzaaddict

He said a combination of things, including:

oh
what do we do
fk
what's done is done

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 13/05/2019 11:07

I really would urge you to listen to the advice about a possible ectopic. It's not worth risking.
All you can do is discuss your options and go from there.

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 13/05/2019 11:09

Ah, you weren't BU to text him that. I've done that with my husband knowing full well I'm pregnant to give him time to adjust to the idea. Just for a day mind, you don't want to leave it weeks before telling him. DH still freaks out when I tell him though for the first couple of days (have had a few pregnancies, not all resulting in live births.)

I would just drop the bombshell and while he's potentially off mulling it over get to the doctor, start your folic acid and think about what you want to do. Tbh if you're 38 and have had fertility issues I wouldn't be surprised if you want to keep it and that's ok! You're allowed to feel happy about this. Does any part of you feel happy about it? Has your partner replied to your text?

Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:09

@Bobcut

I had four periods a year until I lost a lot of weight (I was very sick). Then my periods came back, I was stable for ages. We were using the rhythm method for a while, then I went on the pill which caused so many issues. If my periods were all over the place I wouldn't have used the rhythm method.

I checked with my cousin and she said it was only effective if periods are regular.

I think this happened over Easter, I had an upset stomach and remember I could barely eat brunch.

OP posts:
itscallednickingbentcoppers · 13/05/2019 11:10

Sorry x post...he sounds pretty accepting!

Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:14

@itscallednickingbentcoppers
I am a little happy, but then I felt terrible because he never asked for this and I wondered if perhaps I unconsciously schemed for this to happen and now I am freaking out that I am a bad person.

But I know I don't want this now. My job is very very unstable and I am looking for another job. I am about $60k underpaid right now and if I leave for elsewhere I won't have maternity leave. Which means I am stuck.

He is having a massage right now and said he will text me after. I kept saying sorry. I must have known because I asked him what would happen if I did get pregnant. He said he would hope I stay around. I am in a really vulnerable spot right now.

OP posts:
bigbadbadger · 13/05/2019 11:15

Ring him!

Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:19

@bigbadbadger
He's having a massage right now, I took the test at work. I am going to leave to buy more tests in case this one was faulty.

OP posts:
Prequelle · 13/05/2019 11:20

Sod the massage Jesus Christ 😂

CentralPerkMug · 13/05/2019 11:22

Stop worrying about his reaction and worry about yourself! Are you going to make an urgent GP appointment? If not then you need to present at A&E due to the pelvic pain. You need to work out how YOU feel about things, you say your relationship isn't very stable anyway so I think you need to sort your own head out and worry less about him. Stop saying sorry! He could have used a condom. It takes two to make a baby.

Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:22

@Prequelle
I told him right before he went in so that he would be in a calmed state while he thought about it....

I had already taken the text by then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsoquietlyfreakingout6000 · 13/05/2019 11:23

test not text

OP posts:
Bobcut · 13/05/2019 11:24

I think if you want it you should enjoy it and try to get the courage to get it around your head
Whatever he feels is his feelings
Obviously it would be great if he was on board and I bet he will be
By the sounds of what is done is done now it sounds like he will be

So try to relax and just talk when you see him
And fill out us in lol

Sportsnight · 13/05/2019 11:24

As someone else said if you’re having one sided pain and you’re pregnant you need to be checked out soon by a doctor to check it’s not ectopic.

Weenurse · 13/05/2019 11:26

Good luck 💐

plunkplunkfizz · 13/05/2019 11:26

I wondered if perhaps I unconsciously schemed for this to happen

So were you being careful or were you scheming? Bit much to have a go at someone who identified that you weren’t actually that careful then say maybe you were unconsciously scheming.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/05/2019 11:29

Good luck OP. FWIW, if you have fertility issues no one would judge you for keeping the baby.

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