To think entertaining kids is way easier outside the house?

[Teatimeted]

It's been lovely weather here since Friday afternoon so we've barely spent any time in the house - done a few parks, wildlife zoo type place, Gruffalo hunting (basically a walk in the woods) picnics etc...

On the phone to DM tonight who asks what we've been up to so tell her. I then get ten minutes of "you spoil him, kids have got to learn to entertain themselves, if he got used to playing with toys you wouldn't need a cleaner, what's the point in all his toys if you take him out all weekend, we never did that, you had to entertain yourself"

For info - DS is 2.5, me and DH both work full time (me four days) and we find it really hard to control him indoors. I love being able to take him
places and do fun things - and I won't lie, when I see him charging about outside, I feel relieved because I know he'll sleep well that night.

He just has boundless energy and can't/won't sit drawing or colouring or crafting.

AIBU to keep him outside (with us, engaging, not on our phones, not with one eye on the washing up) for as much time as possible? Or should I be trying to encourage him to enjoy 'quieter' and more 'independent' activities??

@Zone4flaneur
It is harmful because it restricts the range of options for both boys and girls. It is equally damaging to boys who do not conform to these stereotypes
Not necessarily, it depends on how these differences are managed.

There are more differences between individuals than at population level. No study has ever found any 'fundamental' difference because it just doesn't exist- there is an interaction between brain and environment and that environment is heavily gendered. 'Boyish' behaviour (and 'girlish') is culturally determined. Of course boys' and girls' birthday parties seem different - those children have been raised in an environment that heavily polices their behaviour. There are a number of very famous studies where the type of play people engage with very young babies is different depending on whether the baby is dressed in pink or blue; adults also consistently underestimate 'girl' babies physical abilities (the physical abilities of a baby they are told is a girl compared to those who they are told is a boy
No study has definitively proven that many of the observable differences between males and females are solely a result of socialisation or gender stereotypes. It is a biological fact that boys are exposed to more testosterone in the womb and have increased levels during the first six months of their lives. They also have been observed to have a more physical rough and tumble style of play than girls at a population level. Interestingly girls with congenital adrenal hyperplasia are exposed to similar levels of testosterone in the womb as boys and exhibit similar play behaviour to boys. Does this prove that every single behavioural trend is biologically driven and socialisation plays no role? Of course not, but I don't understand why you would start with a hypothesis that girls and boys are fundamentally the same and that the observable differences at a population level that many will recognise are driven by socialisation. You are entitled to hold that opinion (and it is just an opinion) but you are not entitled to belittle or shame others that do not share your view.

Where has anyone been belittled or shamed?

Anyway, for anyone who is interested in the complex relationship between testosterone and the brain, have a read of Testosterone Rex by Cordelia Fine (it won the Royal Society book award so I think we can vouch for the science...). The gendered brain by Gina Rippon is also excellent.

Things have rather moved on since I first studied neuroscience 20 years ago and the evolutionary psychologists were over the corridor citing research on fruit flies as 'proof' women were more nurturing...

I hope OP comes back and that this thread is still somehow useful to her.

Sorry OP for derailing your thread, I can appreciate that the posts about sex differences haven't been wholly relevant to your initial question, however I am absolutely fed up of posters getting shouted down for expressing a completely valid and credible opinion.

@Zone4flaneur
"Where has anyone been belittled or shamed?*
Various posters in this thread have claimed that suggesting there are differences between male and female play behaviour is sexist and perpetuates damaging gender stereotypes, that the opinion that girls may like to play more quietly is "shit" and that talk of boys and girls being totally different is "crap". Do you think that someone told that their opinion is inherently sexist, shit and crap won't feel belittled and ashamed?

Regarding your reference to Testosterone Rex then I would refer you to the following critique www.google.com/amp/s/whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2017/09/28/a-new-critique-of-cordelia-fines-testosterone-rex/amp/ which highlights a lot of issues that some of the scientific community have with the book.

Regardless my point isn't about whether it is biology or sociology (or a combination of both!) that creates the observable differences between the sexes but that we are still to find a definitive answer. For as long as this remains the case then I think it's abhorrent that people attempt to shout down and basically insult alternative views. I do honestly think that MN is becoming a bit of an echo chamber on this issue and there a large group of posters that think that it has been definitively proven that there are no meaningful inherent differences between the sexes and that anyone that says otherwise is misogynistic or an idiot.