To think entertaining kids is way easier outside the house?

[Teatimeted]

It's been lovely weather here since Friday afternoon so we've barely spent any time in the house - done a few parks, wildlife zoo type place, Gruffalo hunting (basically a walk in the woods) picnics etc...

On the phone to DM tonight who asks what we've been up to so tell her. I then get ten minutes of "you spoil him, kids have got to learn to entertain themselves, if he got used to playing with toys you wouldn't need a cleaner, what's the point in all his toys if you take him out all weekend, we never did that, you had to entertain yourself"

For info - DS is 2.5, me and DH both work full time (me four days) and we find it really hard to control him indoors. I love being able to take him
places and do fun things - and I won't lie, when I see him charging about outside, I feel relieved because I know he'll sleep well that night.

He just has boundless energy and can't/won't sit drawing or colouring or crafting.

AIBU to keep him outside (with us, engaging, not on our phones, not with one eye on the washing up) for as much time as possible? Or should I be trying to encourage him to enjoy 'quieter' and more 'independent' activities??

You might not like it, but you can't say that boys and girls are similar. There are big differences between a group of boys and a group of girls, a party for girls or a party for boys. I see that all the time.

My mantra when mine were little was 'kids can't climb the walls if you take the walls away' .... if I didn't get out the house, it was pretty miserable, so I'm with you op, get them out as much as possible! It's not a gender thing either, our dd is 8 now and still fairly high octane, so she needs to burn off energy as much as her two brothers ever did, and we still leave the house at least once a day, if not more, to get fresh air and take the dog out for a walk/scoot round the neighborhood.

I look after my DN(2), one day every fortnight. He is constantly on the go and we have quite a small house, it is much much easier to take him out, (not so much the older ones who don't really want to go anywhere.)

A walk to the park, a good play & dig in the sand, find a few sticks and pine cones - bliss. TBH he loves going anywhere, Sainsbury's in the trolley entertains him. I try to send him home shattered.

With all the media coverage of obesity lack of exercise. It does seem going out is a good thing. I belong to a facebook group who put up every event in the area, many free. Our RSPB has a huge sandpit play area, we do have beaches, woodland, parks, all these are free.

What do you do in big towns cities that are free?

Tell your mother to STFU

I’m not jumping on anyone, but I will object to sexism in the form of damaging gender stereotypes on a site mainly populated by women.

Absolutely, OP.

SO much easier outside, particularly with energetic children. When DS was younger he simply had to go out each day regardless of the weather or he wouldn't sleep/get grouchy. Got us some proper waterproofs and thermals and we were set. Some of my best memories of that time were sitting under trees in the drizzle, drinking hot blackcurrant from a thermos with him after epic puddle jumping sessions.

YANBU - my son is 5 and we are still out and about as much as possible!

I will happily play with his toys at home but he gets fed up if we are stuck in all day.
Even in winter we go for walks/to the park.

I like the summer months as it's so easy to get out! Yesterday, he played outside pretty much all day (we have a lot of outdoor space).

How is it damaging mouse? Nobody is saying one is superior to the other, and nobody is saying they force their children to conform one way of the other. They are simply stating their observations.

@MouseTheDog
I’m not jumping on anyone, but I will object to sexism in the form of damaging gender stereotypes on a site mainly populated by women
You can't just assume that any suggestion of difference between the sexes is automatically sexist. That is a very dangerous precedent to set and one that I absolutely do not support.

Posters suggesting that in their (in some cases considerable) experience boys are generally more boistorious or more prone to play that is best suited to outdoors is not sexist. There is nothing inherently superior or inferior about the different behaviour that they have observed and there isn't much suggestion that the behaviour is unique to boys but that it is simply more prevalent in males.

I think it's really important that we distinguish between truly harmful stereotypes and people making neutral observations about difference. The sexes may well be biologically programmed to be different in lots of different ways and we are still seeking definitive answers to explain why there are definite observable trends and the role of socialisation Vs biology. Shutting down discussion and trying to shame people with accusations of sexism isn't particularly helpful.

@arethereanyleftatall
Sorry I cross posted with you but I am pleased to see we are in agreement.

The weather here this weekend has been glorious so we've basically been outside all weekend.

Parks, running around the garden, went to garden centre and got a load of plants for the tubs so kids helped with that, bike riding, eating outdoors etc, the kids love it.

They sleep way better when they've been roaming around outside

This isn't about sex or gender to me, some people are outdoorsy some are not some are sociable and happy to be around noise, activity and other people otters are more introverted and happier with more sedentary pursuits. Taking your child to the woods is not spoiling them! I grew up in a working class family where money was tight, we were always out, walks in the woods, cycling, crabbing, picnics, days in the park it was great and not expensive. DB and I are both very self sufficient and always have been. DB is the same way with my nieces and I am the same with DS, he's only a baby but we spend time outside every single day. There are plenty of freezing cold rainy days where time at home reading, watching films is great, but when the weather is nice I can't stand to be cooped up! I'm sure your DS gets plenty of time to play with toys or do crafts etc in the week or with his childcare provider. If you're both at work all week of course you want to get out and do things at the weekend and but lounge about all weekend leaving him to entertain himself.

Thinking back my DM with three children 7 years between them kept us all with short haircuts, matching jeans, teeshirts, jumpers, would expect us to be out on bikes, scooters, roller skates all day only returning at tea time, we were given sandwiches, squash and allowed to roam. As were our friends. Now and again parents would allow us in their homes to play if the weather was bad. We were not gender stereotyped then. We had tents in the gardens, collected tiddlers in the brooks, our parents had no idea where we were. We cycled 15 miles one day to Didcot power station because it was there in the distance. We played in fields building bales of straw into houses. We were strong and skinny.

And my non working mum used to complain how hard it was to raise us lol.

Fwiw from my very small cohort of 2 I can categorically say that boys need more exercise outside than girls.

Just my tuppence worth.

I see it as damaging in two main ways:

Firstly it others children who don’t conform to their gender stereotypes. This can be damaging to mental health.

Secondly it can discourage children from engaging in the gendered activity. Girls bodies need exercise as much as boys bodies. Boys need to learn to focus and play/work independently as much as girls.

You can't just assume that any suggestion of difference between the sexes is automatically sexist. That is a very dangerous precedent to set and one that I absolutely do not support.

I think you’re assuming what I assume there . I have made no comment on the differences between the sexes. I am more than happy to admit men are physically stronger than women. I support the segregation of sport by sex.

I believe gender stereotypes can be sexist.

Completely agree.

My DS is 3 and a half and so loving.

But wow is he boisterous! He is so happy to be outside, running and playing

It is harmful because it restricts the range of options for both boys and girls. It is equally damaging to boys who do not conform to these stereotypes.

There are more differences between individuals than at population level. No study has ever found any 'fundamental' difference because it just doesn't exist- there is an interaction between brain and environment and that environment is heavily gendered.

'Boyish' behaviour (and 'girlish') is culturally determined. Of course boys' and girls' birthday parties seem different - those children have been raised in an environment that heavily polices their behaviour. There are a number of very famous studies where the type of play people engage with very young babies is different depending on whether the baby is dressed in pink or blue; adults also consistently underestimate 'girl' babies physical abilities (the physical abilities of a baby they are told is a girl compared to those who they are told is a boy).

No one is making this stuff up. You can see it all around you.

I must be in the minority because my son 19 months is more than happy to potter around at home playing. I wouldn't say he's boisterous at all, quite calm really. He loves being outside too, and I find parenting way easier outdoors because he can pick up stones and sticks and explore. We probably spend slightly more time indoors than out I reckon.
My sister's on the other hand, who are 5 and 7 spend every waking moment at home outside. They're constantly in the garden, whatever the weather. They play beautifully indoors but the 5 year old says "what shall I play" every 10 mins (they don't have a TV at home) so theyre outside mostly. When they come to mind all 3 kids spend the day at the park playing and wandering.
Must just depend on the child.

(And yes adult males are in general stronger than adult females. Those differences do not become apparent until puberty).

@MouseTheDog
Firstly it others children who don’t conform to their gender stereotypes. This can be damaging to mental health
I think anyone that bucks the trend may feel slightly othered but pretending a trend doesn't exist won't necessarily help. Children aren't stupid and can recognise when they do not conform to norms in their peer group. Society shouldn't reinforce sex differences but nor should it necessarily look to break them down or ignore them. This could also be damaging to people's mental health as lots of people look for answers as to why they have certain traits or behaviour and differences in biology can sometimes help to explain this in a non-judgemental and informative way.

Secondly it can discourage children from engaging in the gendered activity. Girls bodies need exercise as much as boys bodies. Boys need to learn to focus and play/work independently as much as girls
This can happen but there is no reason that it must. You don't have to deny the existence of differences between the sexes in order to support inclusion and diversity.

I hate staying in all day, unless it's a nice day, in which case I can potter in the garden.

DC like to stay in quite often but their behaviour is generally worse in the house so I bundle them out.

Favourite place are NT type affairs with plenty of space, a playground, stream etc. Managed countryside basically! They get on better outside too.

My DD appears equally boisterous as her big brothers so far (she's only 2). It's the eldest DS who will sit and read quietly for hours.

Again, I have not commented on differences between the sexes except to agree they exist.

I also do not deny that at a population level parents encourage boys to be more active and outdoorsy than girls so certainly that trend can be observed. I just disagree with some posters on the causes.