Motherhood is hard and I'm not enjoying it a whole lot?

[FedUpEffedOff]

On holiday. First full day. DH has been unwell for the two weeks leading up to it but insisted he was well enough to come (unknown virus - doctors have diagnosed gall bladder infection or a virus). DS is 8 months old and has just become mobile (seal crawling) so doesn't ever want to just sit and play. Also isn't very good at sitting up e.g. on a playmat. Just wants to move. We're on holiday in Spain at family friendly AI resort but I'm paranoid about him crawling about on the floors (dirt, dangers, sharp objects etc).
I've done nothing but cry since we got here. I feel like it Same Shit, Different Place. I do have PND and DH has been sympathetic but with him being ill and just wanting to stay indoors (weather has been sunny but chilly) I feel a bit lost and I'm incredibly pissed off that he's still ill, even though I know it's not his fault.
Ive put too much stock in this holiday - it's the only thing I've been looking forward to and I know I'm ruining it by being so sad and negative now.

I don't k ow what I want from this post. Sharing of similar stories or instructions to stop BU and a horrible unsympathetic wife and useless mum.

Deep breaths,of COURSE it's hard with an 8 month old, an ill DH and you having PND,good grief,cut yourself some slack!

Hi

It’s OK. Many of us have been there.

It’s OK to feel like you do. Even without PND (which is a Fucking Dementor) it is a thankless slog. And you are at a difficult stage. It will get easier.

And now you have a shitstorm of illness and tiredness and a baby who is like the bloody Terminator and won’t. Stop. Ever.

I had a silmlar holiday where I think I cried most of each day. I wanted to hide in a cupboard and never get out.

If you can strap the baby in a prom and go for a walk you might feel better. Don’t worry about leaving DH for a few hours. You NEED this time.

Are you on ADs? That was the only thing that got me out of the PND.

Hope you feel a bit better soon

Prom? Ffs. Pram.

Though maybe send him to the prom while you sleep?

Babies are hard work for very little reward for the first 18 months or so. It's not just you!

Sounds like you're having a tough time. Are you getting out or are you just stuck in the room? I'd pop DS in the buggy and go for a nice long walk, grab a coffee/wine while you're out. They can't move if they're strapped in. Any other parents with kids a similar age you could make friends with?

You're a better woman than me! I've refused to go on holiday this year, DS isn't five months at the moment and I said to DH it will just be the same shit different location and I'll get annoyed that we've paid money for that. Next summer when he's toddling and will enjoy the pool etc for more than ten minutes I'll give it a go. You have PND and an ill DH to contend with as well, strap baby in the pram go for a long walk and get an ice cream until he dozes off, then find somewhere relaxing to sit and enjoy a large cold glass of wine

Can you not go swimming? Or strap him in the buggy and see if you can find a little park or any kids club activities going on? Hugs x

And as for the crawling, can you create a safe zone In the Apartment. Clean the area and contain it? We used an empty paddling pool from a nearby ,poundshop. Dumped his toys in it and let him play. Or even just the travel cot as a playpen for a bit to give you a breather. Or is there a softplay? That saved my bacon on that holiday. Don’t worry too much about germs. If he’s mobile and able to pick things up then it won’t do him too much harm if it’s not sterile. I got disproportionately terrified of germs and made myself a whole lot of deeply unecessary work. (And that was with a slightly immunocompromised baby) a normal healthy child will be Fine.

Is five months....

OMG. I think that's all I needed to hear. But no one in my life tells me these things. To be fair, I don't think I tell anyone exactly how I'm feeling.

Yes, I'm on ADs and they are good. I've been trying to be supportive and sympathetic to DH last few weeks but it's very hard.

Thank you all PPs. I'm now having a good old cry behind my oversized sunglasses whilst sitting at the pool bar with an AI beer whilst I let DH put baby down for a nap and have his own nap.

I just don't know who I am anymore. I've completely lost all sense of identity.

Yes, like most things that are done well, it is hard work. Could you go for walks with the baby in a buggy, take the baby swimming, find some swings?
Holidays with tiny ones aren’t always an improvement. They tend to be worse/more cramped accommodation and less familiar environment.

I feel you . I did so many holiday/mini breaks with my son before he was 1 and wanted to "make the most of maternity leave". I pretty much hated them all. Could see everyone else having a lovely relaxing time which only served to highlight the relentless slog of parenting a baby. Uggghhhh.

My only tip...don't feel bad about feeling bad. Try and find one thing a day that you couldn't do at home so at least, you know...you'll have tried some nice food or gone for a swim. Don't pressure yourself to enjoy it or be happy. You're just doing your best!

The identity comes back slowly albeit in a modified form.
Joys and rewards come at odd moments but become increasingly frequent.

Oh god I absolutely hated the baby stage. Hated it with a passion. It was boring, hard work, relentless and no one thanked me! It used to fill me with rage if dh got ill. You are normal. I wouldn’t have dared go anywhere within a mile radius of my house for the crippling anxiety I had over my baby so you are doing better than I was. The fact you dragged yourself and baby on holiday in my eyes is a massive achievement.
My DC is now a toddler (20months) and it’s a million times easier.
Just hang in there for a few more months

I had this vision of DS in little rompers and hats, loving life while DH and I gazed on adoringly.

In reality, I've purchased rubber gloves from the local supermercado for all the bottle washing and because it's so windy, DS was out for a walk in the pram with a blanket over him.

Got the blow up padding pool for the room and it's been brilliant actually, little play nest.
I'm going to take him in swimming this afternoon after nap. The sun is stronger now and the wind has died down a bit.

Thank you all. Xxxxx

Oh I feel you! Babies are hard work and to me it really was same shit, different day for ages. And I still feel like that sometimes and my son is 2,5 years old. We went on holiday when he was about 16 months and I was really looking forward to it thinking it would be lovely and relaxing, but it was mainly tantrums and sleepless nights but now in an unfamiliar environment. 😅 It will get easier as they grow but when they are very little days are a bit samey and you can't do what you want. Hang in there! I'm sure you'll get another holiday soon!

1Bobbin.....

Hahahah!!!! That's exactly why I booked this holiday. To make the most of being on Mat leave!!!!! LOLOLOL now

Crying helps, better out than in.

I had a similar holiday, I’d have enjoyed burning the money it cost more!!

It won’t always be like this, you’re doing great.

Get a drink with an umbrella in it & enjoy reading other people’s problems on here while they nap x

Just wanted to add my best wishes really and agree with all the above. I would imagine pnd and poorly dh combination is quite a handful. I promise you it will get better

I think it's normal to feel like you've lost yourself and are just a parent now. I feel a bit like that. I think returning to work will help and DH and i try to give each other an evening a week off parenting

I could have written this post. We went away friday night for the weekend. The kids were demented. We ended up leaving early and taking them home last night cutting our weekend short. We promised ourselves - never again. There's just no enjoyment in it while they are this small .

I'm afraid holidays with little ones aren't really holiday for some time, it's a fact of life. You should try not to worry too much about DC moving around, but I know that's easier said than done as it's not my child and I don't have PND.

Do not feel bad for not enjoying it - tbh, most parents do not 'enjoy' most of parenthood, but the good moments do make it all worthwhile. So it's not like everyone else is totally loving it and you're a failed parent who must be doing it wrong because you are not permanently joyfull.

Glad the paddling pool's been a help - sometimes these little things can make quite a difference.

Really can't thank you all enough. Seriously.
It hasn't helped that we had to try three different rooms yesterday before I was happy!! The first one was shit, the second one was okay but we realised that the 3 of us in a hotel room wasn’t going to work re naps so I had to pay more to upgrade to a one bed apt in another block.

Yeah it's all normal

For a bit of light relief - here is a pic of our first room 'balcony' (circled)