Motherhood is hard and I'm not enjoying it a whole lot?

[FedUpEffedOff]

On holiday. First full day. DH has been unwell for the two weeks leading up to it but insisted he was well enough to come (unknown virus - doctors have diagnosed gall bladder infection or a virus). DS is 8 months old and has just become mobile (seal crawling) so doesn't ever want to just sit and play. Also isn't very good at sitting up e.g. on a playmat. Just wants to move. We're on holiday in Spain at family friendly AI resort but I'm paranoid about him crawling about on the floors (dirt, dangers, sharp objects etc).
I've done nothing but cry since we got here. I feel like it Same Shit, Different Place. I do have PND and DH has been sympathetic but with him being ill and just wanting to stay indoors (weather has been sunny but chilly) I feel a bit lost and I'm incredibly pissed off that he's still ill, even though I know it's not his fault.
Ive put too much stock in this holiday - it's the only thing I've been looking forward to and I know I'm ruining it by being so sad and negative now.

I don't k ow what I want from this post. Sharing of similar stories or instructions to stop BU and a horrible unsympathetic wife and useless mum.

I can remember our first holiday with ds7 and ds2- it was fab. Everyone told me to take them on holiday when they were little as it would be ‘amazing’ and ‘easy’ and I was missing out on so much. all I could see was the same thing back home but in a different environment- so I refused! So I totally get where you are coming from.

Try and make the most- pool when it’s warm enough, lots of walks, any children’s parks near by, the beach- paddling if the sea isn’t too cold and playing in the sand, any children’s ball parks etc near?.

Most of all give yourself a break. Your dh being poorly is unfortunate, and I’m sure he feels bad, but try and make the most. Lower your expectations a bit. Exdp used to always go on to me that I ‘imagined everything had to be like it was on tv land- perfect and all smiles, and in reality life isn’t like that’. Took me a long time to realise he was right (I would never tell him that though!).

I agree with the ideas of places like butlins
Etc as even though they would normally not be my thing you actually do get a break when they're as it's so geared towards families. My older sister had miserable holiday after miserable holiday as her she refused to not go abroad and more fool her she went along. We stayed local enough for first few holidays which we drove to at nap time so even the car journey was pleasant. We didn't take eldest abroad til she was 2.5 but I can't stress enough what an easy child she was so abroad was fine. Babies are hard hard work, nothing can prepare you for it. Even easier ones it's still fairly relentless at times and that beginning to move phase is a nightmare. Try to get out by yourself for a short walk and coffee just to get a breather. I know your dh isn't well but if he was able to travel he's able to mind the baby for a while.

The baby stage is awful. I have no idea how or why anyone does it twice. It gets way better. Don’t panic. And you’ll have holidays you actually enjoy again.

UK holidays can be really good with small DC. We never really holidayed in the UK until we had kids, but we do at least one UK break every year even now (our kids are 11 and 8) and it's so lovely and easy! TBH I couldn't face Butlin's but Center Parcs, Forest Holidays, Bluestone and cottages up and down the country are all great places for a holiday with young DC. Holiday cottages on farms are fab for babies/toddlers and there are lovely ones all over the country. Check out Baby Friendly Boltholes too - they were my 'go to' for holidays until my kids were over five. All their properties have high chairs, stair gates, baby/toddler crockery and cutlery, fenced gardens and swimming pools, traffic free sites. Caserio del Mirador in Spain always got great MN reviews when it had a travel review site.

Snowy - I too am sucked in by other people's online portrayal of how 'wonderful' everything is! It's exhausting and totally unrealistic and I KNOW that deep down but it doesn't stop the comparison in the heat of the moment. Grrr.

Babies are hard work for very little reward for the first 18 months or so. It's not just you!

This in spades.

Hi OP

I haven't braved a holiday with just my husband and the kids yet. We find them such hard work we always go with one set of in laws so at least there is a better adult to child ratio. And yes it is same shit different place. We've got a 4 year old and an 18 month old and the 4 year old is now at an age where we can do some adult activities again as a family - so we go and visit somewhere nice for us and then go to the park for them. And can go out for nice food etc. It did get a lot easier once they could speak. Saying that we have booked to go abroad soon - booked ages ago and am now not really looking forward to it, I know the 18 month old is going to be a nightmare on the flight (took a short flight recently and she was terrible), she has an attention span of about a minute so we wont be doing any activities for long and meal times are a constant struggle.

Last holiday we went on we did have a nice time but were both glad to get back to work afterwards and into normal routines again

Is there an aquarium nearby? We went three times in a week on our first baby holiday as she loved it so much.

Don't worry too much about cleanliness. As long is there is not visible shit just put him down and let him crack on.

With babies, everything is a phase. This one will soon pass and you'll be into the next thing.

Btw, I didn't have pnd but recognise the feeling of not knowing myself anymore. Going back to work helped enormously (whilst bringing its own set of challenges). I value time being me and then try to make the time with my daughter quality time.

I had a similar holiday when my first baby was 5 months. I had this idea that he would just sleep in the buggy while we had drinks in the sun etc etc. In reality his sleep was TERRIBLE that week so I was exhausted and just wanted the comfort of our own home rather than being in a foreign country. I felt like I had to pretend I was enjoying myself but have since admitted that I didn't enjoy it and won't be doing it again!!

OP I didn't enjoy that age at all. I went to visit family abroad when DS was about that age and it was a nightmare. I was exhausted. But it gets better.

DS is 4 (I know that sounds an age away but he's been like it a while) and I've been on my own with him all weekend. We've had a lovely time - we've been to the stables and he's helped me with all the mucking out and we've had an ice cream and people watched and now we're going to take the dog a walk. He's good company and I'm not a natural mother nurture type if I'm honest.

The first 2 years not so much for me if I'm honest. I was at my niece's first birthday yesterday and she's lovely

• but doing that doesn't want to be held back arching and whinging thing at the mo and I thought 'I don't miss that'.

Holidays with a non-sitting baby are just hell. Cut it short and go home. I have observed that there are babies who sit for significant periods of time, but ds just didn't. Ever. And he was completely normal. We only did camping for many years - pick your site carefully for defensible boundaries, take other adults and it can work brilliantly. Happy open air pottering, on our feet but not exhausting, or chalkenges like lake district hills, was very good and we all went to bed at 930 and slept really well.

I have felt your pain - I have twins but they are 17 yo now. But we've all been there. One thing - do remember to drop your standards! Whereas before you'd have been in and out of breakfast and on to an activity... just take breakfast slow and enjoy it together, then maybe short walk or sit down and watch baby with the book/doze. It doesn't have to be full of amazing things just going slow and enjoying what you can.

TemporaryPermanent Seriously, before we'd moved rooms yesterday I did google flights home.
My DH has said to me today that all I've done since getting here is say I want to go home!
I think with the new room we can persevere. I just need to try and be less negative. I'm hoping that with this thread I can gain a bit of confidence and solidarity that I'm not BU I'm feeling this way. And that will hopefully help loosen me up a bit.

You are all amazing. In combination your posts and stories have helped me so much today.

We found our first holiday with an 8 month old so so hard. She was sick on the flight over, she was really poorly when we got there, she didn’t sleep (normally a great sleeper), I worried about her skin in the sun, the pool was too cold for her, the car seat in the transfer taxi was awful, she was weaning but wouldn’t eat solid food there and I hadn’t brought enough milk. We have agreed not to do a holiday again until she is older. It’s just not worth it.

It’s definitsly not just you, I think it’s fairly standard for a young child to ruin holidays. One day it will be easier and more fun. For now maybe just enjoy the UK.

Hope your break gets better anyway. It will be a funny story one day.

Oh bless you OP. My first holiday abroad with a 10mth old was such a nightmare I never did it again until DC were 12, 14, & 16.

We went to Tunisia in 1986. I didn’t pack enough nappies, didn’t expect her to get diahorrea, a lovely kind stranger offered to look for some for me when he went sight seeing. Came back with a pack costing £20!!
She wouldn’t eat or sleep. Flight awful, she screamed all the four hours.
Don’t put yourself down, you’re doing fine. 💐

Also had awful first few holidays post baby. First genuinely good one was eurocamping when dd was 2.

Have low expectations and take pleasure in small, achievable things - a bit of local cake, reading your book, ten mins walk etc.

It'll get better.

Definitely been in your shoes OP. Please don't despair! 8 months is a difficult time when a baby is trying at more independent movement but is so bad at controlling their limbs that you can't take your eyes off them for a second. Exhausting.
I had terrible PND from when my son was 5 months until he was maybe 10 months...but if I'm being 100% honest I didn't really start to enjoy motherhood until he was 14 months old.
I was just going through the motions like some kind of robot and not really enjoying my day to day life. Things have got easier, he's nearly 2 now and able to play much more independently!! Weirdly, even though I know I was unhappy I look back on the baby months with such fondness. So much so that I'm pregnant with a second!
It will get easier, just keep talking to everybody and don't keep things bottled up. It's ok to not be ok.

Houston - my DH will piss himself when he hears about Eurocamp. He talks about his holidays as a youngster with Eurocamp and I scoff (I don't know if it's a Scottish thing? When I was wee only the really posh kids and the English ones went to Eurocamp with their families). We've been laughing about it but I know he'll like your post! Xxx

My DH and I recently went to Spain with a 6 and 2 year old. We’ve been multiple times but first AI holiday for many years, previously opting for villas. Good god... it was a rat race... rushing for sunbeds at 6am with everybody else, then the onslaught of rushing for breakfast, mini club, lunch, throwing your tea down your neck with cranky children who are nakard after swimming all day and just want to go to bed, then rushing to get a table for the 56th mini disco which the kids insist on going to but won’t bloody join in followed by shite entertainment...finally bedtime... aaannnddd repeat

Quite honestly... I wanted to cry too and We paid 2.5k for the pleasure. It’s such an adjustment having children. I adore my beautiful children but my god... I feel your pain.

We came back and immediately booked a villa.

I've remembered another thing about that first holiday - we alternated childcare by the hour. So one of us entertained the baby while the other read or went for a swim. It didn't feel quite so relentless that way.

@FedUpEffedOff lols. Yeah I went on them a lot as a kid (not that posh but who knows?)

We got a deal with ferry included, cost not much more than butlins. Kiddy pool, play room, bbq, little chalet with balcony, beach nearby and markets full of french food, no need to drive much... might not always go with eurocamp but I think it's my holiday formula for next ten years! Ferry much less stressful than flying too

We also used to do an hour on and an hour off parenting when dd was little and it was the weekend - that way we both got a bit of time to relax. We took our first holiday when dd was nearly one and just walking. We took the grandparents with us, so 4 adults to 1 child, and only went 1.5 hrs up the road. It still felt like hard work!
I remember causing family outrage when I refused to take dd at 3 months old overnight to a wedding. I just couldn’t handle the thought of it.
It gets better. You do get your sleep back eventually.

How about focusing on not having to cook and clean? That aspect of an all inclusive has got to be better than doing it all yourself. Try and reframe how you see this holiday by focusing on what it can do for you, not the things it can't.

It's helpful to know you're not alone! I was feeling bad that DD2 (also 8m) hasn't been abroad yet we'd taken her sister by this age, but delaying until she's over a year and going to an AI we know, I just can't help myself. Taking the grandparents too though this time

Ps my DH got me to cancel a trip to France last summer when I was heavily pregnant and had a tricky 19mo, it's the only time he's ever hinted at divorce!