Motherhood is hard and I'm not enjoying it a whole lot?

[FedUpEffedOff]

On holiday. First full day. DH has been unwell for the two weeks leading up to it but insisted he was well enough to come (unknown virus - doctors have diagnosed gall bladder infection or a virus). DS is 8 months old and has just become mobile (seal crawling) so doesn't ever want to just sit and play. Also isn't very good at sitting up e.g. on a playmat. Just wants to move. We're on holiday in Spain at family friendly AI resort but I'm paranoid about him crawling about on the floors (dirt, dangers, sharp objects etc).
I've done nothing but cry since we got here. I feel like it Same Shit, Different Place. I do have PND and DH has been sympathetic but with him being ill and just wanting to stay indoors (weather has been sunny but chilly) I feel a bit lost and I'm incredibly pissed off that he's still ill, even though I know it's not his fault.
Ive put too much stock in this holiday - it's the only thing I've been looking forward to and I know I'm ruining it by being so sad and negative now.

I don't k ow what I want from this post. Sharing of similar stories or instructions to stop BU and a horrible unsympathetic wife and useless mum.

The 8m old won't remember a thing about the trip, so don't worry about educational activities or stimulation etc as long as he's fed and happy. Try to do something small for yourself every day, even if its just sitting with a drink quietly or reading for a short while. Don't try to pack too much (or anything) into any given day.

I have 3 children, who behave beautifully in public and are little terrors at home, and the house is a tip, so don't judge yourself based on a family sitting happily in public.

Sending you loads of unmumsnetty hugs.

We went to Mallorca with DD when she had just turned one. We had grandparents, childfree friends and another young family with us, and it was still totally bloody exhausting despite all hands on deck!

DD is now about to turn two - I’m finding this bit SO much easier than the baby (especially crawling!) stage. I found the whole first year pretty relentless and grinding really. I’ve found it’s getting better and better as she hits toddler age (tantrums excepted, but even they aren’t too awful).

Abroad holidays with under 5s are pointless, give me centre parcs any day over a foreign holiday! The plane journey, the constant worry around the pools, the heat etc. I’m not surprised your not enjoying your holiday it’s a nightmare. It will get better when your child is older but maybe stick to UK holidays for a few years.

Have shown this thread to the DH and it's really helped unlock a lot of feelings on both parts. It sounds trite but I feel bested able to convey things on a written forum like this that in the heat of an argument.

It's really helped both of us to see that I'm not unusual in feeling this way

I really felt under pressure to go on the perfect sunshine holiday. And whilst this holiday is/will be lovely, I still need to give myself a break.

I am serious when I say thank you. I expected to be totally flamed for being an uncaring bitch. But you guys have helped me immeasurably. Xxx

Our first holiday with a 5month old DS- to Spain- was absolutely awful. Worse I had in my life. He didn't sleep and refused to be put down anywhere...I hated it, cried a lot and said I'm never going with him again. Only managed center parcs for next 2 years.
Last year - DS 2.5 - we actually enjoyed Eurocamp style holidays in Spain.

It's easier...still exhausting but easier..
This year it's Eurocamp in France and hopefully will be even better..

So OP...hang in there!!!

I think at 8 mo you are still adjusting, still thinking about how holidays used to be.

When ds was 2.5 (sorry) we had an awful holiday abroad. I've described it often on here because it was SO awful. Several things contributed to that, mainly dh being so ill he was literally in bed for all but one day, zero electronic entertainment (24 hour folk festival on one tv channel) a grandmother who'd totally forgotten what small kids were like and disapproved of any small diversion such as ice cream, an open marble staircase and unfenced pool. Ds almost died during the 1 hour of the week that dh looked after him (he went to sleep on a sun lounger) and it was out of season so too cold even to get in the pool anyway.

Be the matriarch. If you need a holiday, leave the child behind and go away. Or just enjoy day trips and easy camping. People don't go to Centre Parcs because it's their dream adult holiday either.

Temporary, seriously, I'm still laughing at your posts!!! Only because I can so relate, you are v funny!

So the rest of the day has been good. I took baby swimming (for 10 mins before his gums started chattering) whilst DH read this thread. It resulted in a nice walk whilst LO napped and a good chat, with a couple of beers in the sunshine.

Isn't it strange, the things that you pay money for in advance of having a baby (NCT etc) but the things that literally NO ONE
Prepares you for?! Xxxx

Oh OP, I feel for you. If it makes you feel any better my mental health improved lots when I went back to work and remembered who I was again. Now on mat leave with DC2 and we go on holiday next week, all sleeping in the same room including sleep resistant DS2....but am actually quite looking forward to it! Same shit but am really looking forward to the change of scenery. There are some really good places that it does feel more like a holiday, our first abroad with DS1 at 14 months was at Mas de Jouas in France...cocktails and amazing food once kids were in bed!

So it's bedtime here guys and I really don't think that I would've survived today without reading your stories and words of reassurance/encouragement. I felt brave enough to share this thread with some NCT mates and they have been really supportive too.

Thanks again. I'm going to try and take each day as it comes now. Will post updates on here of course! Hahaha !

OP I've been there. The first few holidays with my DD were awful and very depressing. I remember being stuck in the hotel room watching The Tooth fairy, a movie staring Dwayne 'the rock's Johnson thinking this is shit!!
The first few days will be harder but you might enjoy it more at the end of the week. My tip would be to maximise what you do at nap time. Either sleep as well, or go for a swim in the sea or read a book.
Also this will be something you look back on and laugh, me and my DH regularly joke about how DD ruined our love of holidays. Try not to fall out with your DH as if you can stick together and see the funny side it will be good for you both.
Best of luck!

Gallbladder pain is worse than labour pains.ive had both and I’d rather give birth any day..hope your dh is ok

Have u a travel cot?

My dh used to say he missed me during the first yr of the children’s lives.
I was so shell shocked at the changes and disruption and constantly felt I was on the back foot.
You need to give yourself time to adjust and let the hormones settle. Having a baby is a big deal and while gallbladder pain is bad, you don’t get handed a newborn, so you win😉

New parents holiday goals
Sun Sea Sand and Sanity 🤣

Yeah - motherhood, that exclusive club you think you know all about. Once you're in it, you can't get out of it! Welcome to the club we all pretend to love until we do OP. You have my utmost sympathy - I have 5 DDs and didn't realise all this until about DD3 so you're well ahead of me OP. Just try to enjoy what you can and believe that you are not alone.

OP thank you for posting this.

I'm not on holiday but I have a 4 month old who is teething and won't be put down but also won't allow you to sit still with him so I'm walking up and down my living room wishing my back didn't ache so much wondering why on earth I thought this was a good idea......

I never expected it to be easy but I also never expected it to be so damn hard either.

It's good to hear other people feel the same!

Holidays only became actual holidays for me once youngest DC was 4. They could both get dressed, feed themselves, go to the loo independently and amuse each other. Eldest was 7 by then. Now they can both swim, sleep well reliably, can read, will watch an entire film, are interested in things... It gets better and better.

The holidays we had before that were definitely worth it and I'd do them all again. But they were hard work. Nappy explosions on a cross channel ferry, frequent night waking in unfamiliar accommodation, broken washing machines in holiday cottages, tantrums on the beach, etc. I wouldn't go back to that stage!

My advice - spend some time together as a family but also parent in shifts. If DH is ill he might only manage an hour at a time playing with the baby in the apartment. Use thus time to have a swim on your own, have a cocktail in peace, etc. If you look carefully, other people with babies will be having a tough time too. Babies and toddlers are cute for a reason - they're hard work! It will get better and easier x

Also, we have tried various combinations of locations and accommodation over the years as a family. We came to the conclusion that all inclusive isn't really our thing. That's not t o say we didn't enjoy our AI holidays - no cooking or cleaning is a great bonus. But our kids aren't fans of tacky entertainment (a lot of kids love it and I quite like it)! They don't like getting involved. Much to my dismay they aren't keen on kids clubs either. Plus my DH is a recovering alcoholic so there's no point for the free bar.

We loved center parcs in the Netherlands but only at the age we took them, 5 plus so we could ride bikes as a family.

Mobile homes in France on a high end campsite worked well. Good accommodation and self catering was OK as we liked the hypermarkets.

Holiday cottages in the UK have been great. Good amount of space, peace and quiet. Pub lunches and easy dinners. Kids will play for hours on beaches on wetsuits. One cottage had a shared pool which was fab.

I'm not saying you did the wrong thing booking an AI hotel, I can definitely see the appeal. But you could always try a different kind of holiday next year.

Hope things improve for you OP x