Motherhood is hard and I'm not enjoying it a whole lot?

[FedUpEffedOff]

On holiday. First full day. DH has been unwell for the two weeks leading up to it but insisted he was well enough to come (unknown virus - doctors have diagnosed gall bladder infection or a virus). DS is 8 months old and has just become mobile (seal crawling) so doesn't ever want to just sit and play. Also isn't very good at sitting up e.g. on a playmat. Just wants to move. We're on holiday in Spain at family friendly AI resort but I'm paranoid about him crawling about on the floors (dirt, dangers, sharp objects etc).
I've done nothing but cry since we got here. I feel like it Same Shit, Different Place. I do have PND and DH has been sympathetic but with him being ill and just wanting to stay indoors (weather has been sunny but chilly) I feel a bit lost and I'm incredibly pissed off that he's still ill, even though I know it's not his fault.
Ive put too much stock in this holiday - it's the only thing I've been looking forward to and I know I'm ruining it by being so sad and negative now.

I don't k ow what I want from this post. Sharing of similar stories or instructions to stop BU and a horrible unsympathetic wife and useless mum.

Feeling much of the same OP. I've just posted a 'my life is crap' thread myself. Nothing useful to add, but you're not alone (my DD is 8 months too, and the little minx is like a weeping angel, every time I look around she's somewhere different, usually working her way over to climb up my legs and stop me getting anything done).

Oh god I absolutely hated the baby stage. Hated it with a passion. It was boring, hard work, relentless and no one thanked me! It used to fill me with rage if dh got ill. You are normal

This. So much this.

I was actually glad I had bad complications and was advised not to have another. So I can shut down any ‘oh he NEEDS‘ a little brother or sister‘ shite rightaway. I pretended to be a bit sensitive about it. But I’m not. Babies are just so fucking HARD and I cannot do it again.

You are doing so damn well to get away on holiday OP.

YY to apartments. There's a reason why self catering and holiday cottages are so popular with families!

Be kind to yourself. I appreciate DH is ill, but arrange a period each day when you are away from the baby - it's easy to be overwhelmed and touched out at this stage, even without PND.

Look for mini adventures to do. Babies don't need to do a lot and just a look round the shops followed by an investigation of interest rocks on the beach will be enough.

BTW. Butlins self catering next year. Cheap, cheesy and kids love it. You baby will be in the right age group next year. Save centre parcs or similar for when they can ride a bike.

Yep. I second Butlins. Unbeatable with little kids. Absolutely fantastic.

There’s loads of brill activities, but the best bit is there’s an on site nursery and you can Bung them in there , and go for a nap. In the meantime, the amazing staff there will have tired out your little darlings with all the activities, so you can all go back and have ANOTHER nap. Oh my. Bliss.

I remember a week in Portugal OP with a toddler and very boisterous 3 year old and me pregnant with DD3...... DH had done nothing to help pack or prepare and I was exhausted before even leaving home let alone after a whole day travelling to and from the airport, flying, getting a hire car and finding the apartment to find it wasn't remotely child friendly. There was no way of keeping the kids safe as the patio area had no fence and led out to the pool that wasn't fenced either and had an 8 feet deep end for diving. I spent the entire week screaming at DH to grab one of them as I couldn't waddle to get them quickly enough.

We didn't go away for about 3 years after, it took me that long to get over it. We've all been there . My DC are now in their 20s and we really enjoy holidays with them if its any consolation

ROFL!!!! Butlins sounds right up my street!!

I felt exactly like you on our first holiday with a baby. Now they are a bit older I find that I actually enjoy the holidays if I have zero expectations in the first place!

Oh, love :(
My 2 are much older (GCSE stress here atm!) But I well remember ds1s first holiday.
Christ, it nearly broke me.
I wasn't dx with pnd until a few months this later but I so empathise with you!
IT GETS BETTER!
My ds1 is now nearly 16 and 99.9% of the time he is my pride and joy.
Do whatever it takes to get through it xx

DH and I refuse to go on holiday or host anyone who is on their first holiday post new baby. Ours was horrific and we know that it is such a reality check for every new parent that it is quite frankly, depressing instead of relaxing. Its the same hard life just somewhere else and yet more difficult as you dont have all your baby stuff and the place is usually very baby unfriendly.

You will get back to having a nice holiday, you will find your groove and what works for you. Try and look at this holiday as a research trip. You have already discovered that you have to have some living space as well as a bedroom, win for booking next time. Etc

Having a lunch time drink is a good way to have a mini moment of relaxation (the goal is two of these mini moments a day for the holiday equals a win 😊)

Op I had really enjoyed motherhood as it was a long awaited child after many miscarriages and I forced happy thoughts... until baby started moving

That was another level of hard.. needed adjusting and because of all the development at 6-8 months , from food to mobility to sleep regression to communication, possibly getting back your period and possibly many other things... it does get overwhelming and becomes a struggle to stay on top of the baby development..

I did feel like I reached a point where things spiraled out of control. It seemed to slightly fix itself when I went on holiday where I had family and relatives who were excited to see baby.

I was able to get back to mental energy and reclaim my headspace and start planning new ways to arrange baby’s toys, activities and so on so I no longer have to be constantly alert 24/7.

Give it time but you will get there.

Poor you. And hubby. I can (almost) guarantee that it will get better. Babies are such hard work and no-one can really prepare you for it because they are all so different. some are a nightmare and some are a dream. Love the suggestions of Butlins and Centre Parcs. I took my lot camping as a single parent and wonder now how I did it, and you will likely look back with the same sort of feeling. the cliche is true - they are little for so short a time - and that works both ways. Little one will soon be on his feet and not nearly so frustrated with himself and you will wonder where the time went.

It sounds as though you have a better handle on it now and I hope that you enjoy the rest of your holiday as much as possible and your hubby feels better soon. (And you too of course.)

It’s a slog.
A relentless slog. Our first was easy but everything was still hard work. Second was not so easy and not a great sleeper. Make hard work. Third appear to require zero sleep and is a climber. I could honestly s,eps in the hard shoulder of the M25.
But the older two do sleep now and are less “needyL and brings immense amounts of joy. The 18 month old , well I still feel in the middle of tough mudder but he does bring so much love and joy and has created a little tribal trio that I am so proud of. Just wish he would fall asleep before 11pm and wake up after 5am. And not five times in between,
Enough of that, but yes it gets easier not thst your see it at the time.
One DS you will look back on this and have a wry smile on your face.

Enjoy your swim
Enjoy your baby, because they aren’t babies for long. (Thank fuck for that). 🍰🍷🏊🏻‍♀️☕️💐

Sorry the typos indicate my hallucinating through no sleep!

You are so not alone in this. It's completely normal to feel how you do.
It won't always be like this

Get out, move, go somewhere.

Yeah - it’s same shit different place - but something about moving blows the cobwebs away for everyone - and if you’re in Spain you have a decent chance of your baby being entertained by a random grandmother.

How isolated is the resort? Is there a town to explore? A museum? A zoo? A soft play centre?

This is totally normal, our first two holidays when DD was 10 months and 18 months were awful, not a holiday at all, we spent the whole time chasing after her, I did nt sit down once. The first holiday she had started walking two days earlier and the second one I was 6 months pregnant with DS. I refused to go in DS's first year as two under two would not have been fun. If anything it's harder in a new place with lots more dangers to be vigilant to, swimming pools and the like whereas home is usually babyproofed and more relaxing! It does get easier though, ours are 9 and 11 now and we don't see them on holiday now!

Don't be too hard on yourself and remember it does get easier.

My first holiday with the family dd was 1 and we went longhaul to paradise. I had PND and sleep deprivation beforehand and was so much worse after long flight with no sleep plus jet lag, I cried constantly for a few days. Then we discovered kids club/crèche. Couple of hours here & there and started to recover - anything like that there?

Oh god. I remember our first holiday with DS. He was about 3 months. DH just carried on in normal holiday mode, doing what he would normally have done. I just felt trapped with the baby, with the endless monotonous cycle of feeding, nap times, winding etc. It was awful - as people have said - same shit, different place. It does get better as they get older, but if I had my time again, I just wouldn't bother going away until they are about 2. It's just pointless and soul destroying!!

I just want you to know what I just didn’t know or understand when I had mine.

The baby stage, is for some totally shit / unenjoyable and thankless. When people say, “don’t wish it away, it will go so fast and you’ll look back wishing it hadn’t gone so quick”, they are lying.

It’s ok to feel like this. It doesn’t make you a bar person.

It gets easier. So much easier. And fun. And it’s all worth it in the end.

I was the same last year, took a 9 month old to Turkey, had been looking forward to it for ages! Turns out exactly like others have said, same shit different location plus trying to make bottles etc, the only rest you get is if they nap. Then evenings are rubbish as you have to walk for miles with a buggy to get them to sleep and can have a "couple" of drinks, then feel guilty and have to go back to the room as I felt guilty about her sleeping in a buggy for long, complete waste of All inclusive. I don't know what I was expecting but it was shit. We swore we wouldn't bother doing abroad again until she was maybe 3/4 and can actually join in with things. Hope it gets better! Go have a wine and an ice cream x

You've probably had lots of reassurance now (only read your posts) but your OP struck a chord. I remember going to Spain in May when our precious first born was 11 months. Jeez it was hard work. The weather was questionable. She wanted to crawl everywhere. The floors were hard. The pool was unfenced. No rest at all. Even my v laid back DH said 'it's good to be home, isn't it' when we got back - the equivalent of a rant for him!

It will get easier, I promise. I ended up having 3 children and even taking the 3 of them was easier than that first holiday. (And we stayed in Britain after that Spanish trip for a good few years...)

Honestly, just get through it and don't judge yourself in any way. It definitely gets easier as they get older...even if you have more.

I couldn't have hoped for responses like all of these which have truly helped my soul immeasurably.

I love my DS so much - he is such a joy (and I think, probably, quite easy given some other tales). And really, he isn't a huge amount of trouble re naps and feeds. But I just wasn't prepared for how much things - my identity, relationships - would change.

I cried at brekkie this morning in the restaurant because I kept seeing these other families with more than one kid and they looked like they were still enjoying life and having a laugh. I don't recognise my life.

I think part of what is so hard about holidaying with babies is that you remember what holidays were like before i.e. they were relaxing and all about doing what YOU wanted. Feel tired? Have a nap! Fancy a drink? Head down to the bar! Fancy a stroll, some shopping or a dip in the pool? Off you go with just your handbag or your beach bag with a book thrown in the top. Bliss! But then comes parenthood and suddenly holidays aren't relaxing at all. In fact, they're like some dystopian nightmare, because the word 'holiday' simply had nothing to do with the relentless horror of all of you in one hotel room or tiny apartment.

I'm glad you're at the bar having a drink. I'd try and carve out some time just for yourself every day, if you can. I used to do that - DC would nap while DH either napped or played on his iPad and I would go and do whatever I wanted - reading by the pool, walking into town, etc. Just get some time for yourself, it will save your sanity.

We went on holiday to a hot country when dd was 7 months and crawling. It was a bloody disaster, largely because my expectations were just too high. She wouldn't sleep or eat and it was just incredibly stressful. I had pnd and anxiety too. We've decided not to go away this year but the next time we do go I'll lower my expectations a lot. I don't really have any advice but just wanted you to know that the way you're feeling is not uncommon.