smacking her kids- intervene?!

[Ilovetakeaways]

Sister has two kids 7 and 9. She is struggling to parent her children, often in the mornings and bedtimes. There is always some altercation. She is living with our father and our other sister at the moment due to renovations at her property.
When I visit I hear her stomping, shouting, youngest screams whilst having tantrums and just terrible disorder. My sister swears, grabs them and god knows what else. I was so shocked and disgusted to hear this going on but didn’t intervene. My sister goes mad if anyone tries to intervene and says it’s undermining her parenting.
I love those children to bits and fear something bad will happen when they move out. My other sister and father are fed up of it and say she’s abusing the children.
I want to discuss this with her and will do so as Those poor children should not be going through this. I know I’m being unreasonable by not saying something to her. Guess I just wanted advice.

Yes you all need to intervene. Sit her down and talk to her about it when she’s calm and not in the midst of it and lashing out at you too.

Hmmmm not sure to be honest. Yelling and sometimes smacking does not constitute abuse.shes obviously struggling being a single mum. I get it being a so gluparebt Ian hard.

But it’s unreasonable smacking in light of the actions the kids are doing. She grabs their faces sometimes if they’re cheeky. It all seems too heavy handed.

Oh FGS why does so much mistreatment of kids go ignored by other adults.

Step up
All of you
When you witness her abusing them (pulling them, smacking etc) them call it out

Tell her it’s wrong and involve SS if Shen isn’t apologetic and bowing to change.

Imagine being those kids and knowing other adults are witnessing it and doing nothing- how would that make you feel.

And tells them not to tell their grandad. It’s disgusting. One day they will tell their teachers and unwanted help will arrive!

gluparebt Ian hard

You what??

@ stiffasaboard yes I agree. I will have to take action. I don’t want the kids hating me when they grow up and saying I ignored it. Gosh I feel terrible

Yelling and sometimes smacking does not constitute abuse

Erm .... yes it does. And if that's how you behave with your children then you are also abusive. Or are you just trying to be provocative Ihatehashtags?

Are they boys or girls, I do think it makes s difference in terms of how easy they are to manage.
Smacking is not illegal, far from ideal but it’s not abuse

I worry sometimes how much SS time must be wasted with this shit, there is a massive shortage of SW - the nursery I worked in we waited 4 weeks for someone to look at a baby being burnt with cigarettes. Do you honestly think they’ll pop around for a chat with someone smacking a toddlers arse ?

I think you have to say something. You know she won't take it well, but she is clearly struggling. Maybe someone bringing this up will be the start of her realising she has lost control.

Boy and a girl. The girl is actually the naughtiest so I’m told but she’s golden when she’s with me so I find it hard to believe when the family tell me stories. She just likes affection and attention which I’m wondering whether this is why she acts up when she doesn’t get it.

Do you ever offer to have the children for her OP?

I agree that you should talk to her when it's calm and the children aren't there but I think she sounds like she's really struggling. Perhaps offering to have them to tea once or twice a week or come over and do bedtime for her might help to defuse the situation?

Definitely think you need to help her within the family, give her a night off etc

@JiltedJohnsJulie I have them when I can but work a hectic full time job. I just can’t be there as often as I would like to.

Err yes they will Inliverpool1 my son went to school and said “mummy smacks me” I don’t and was mortified but I was visited by a sw within 5 days as the school said they had a duty to report it!

Are they boys or girls, I do think it makes s difference in terms of how easy they are to manage.

So are you actually implying it’s more acceptable to smack and yell at a boy ??
OP - you need to do something.

Not that it justifies smacking. But while she’s wrangling to get them out of the door does anyone, you know, help her? Or do you all just sit there looking at each other.

You can babysit for a nights but it makes no difference. She collects them with a miserable attitude. My dad and sister help her so much but she doesn’t see it.

Inliverpool - sorry you feel it's trivial. How would you feel if someone bigger than you was yelling at you and smacking you on a regular basis? You might feel you were being abused?

And someone who yells and smacks in sight/hearing of others probably does worse when there isn't an audience.

You need to speak to her, or if required take it further. Is it during ‘stressful times’ she explodes (morning school run and bedtime) or is it all the time? The latter would suggest an anger problem, the former stress that needs to be dealt with better.

How is she with the rest of the family, especially other kids (yours for example)?

If your sister isn’t open to listening, you need to phone social work yourself and tell them. The kids well-being is more important than your relationship with your sister. Harsh but true. What a horribly difficult situation to be in though. From what you’ve described, social work will most likely help her to improve her parenting. They won’t be swooping in to remove the children, it doesn’t sound bad enough to trigger emergency measures.

I think your all a bit hysterical on here tbh. It is far from idea, not denying that but abuse ? Get a grip

She seems irritable and I get that she has a lot on her plate but it’s no excuse . My child’s a teenager so she interacts differently with her.

Inliverpool1 - the only hysteria seems to be coming from you . Other posters are offering sensible advice and support.