Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He dated someone much younger...thoughts?

92 replies

cactuslady101 · 11/05/2019 16:21

Just found out my partner of a few years dated an 18 year old a few years ago. He would have been 27 at the time. Apparently it didn't last very long at all but I know that they slept together. AIBU for feeling weird about this?

OP posts:
ilovemycatmorethanyou · 11/05/2019 16:24

Nine years is a big age difference at 27 and 18, but nothing at 59 and 50. No you’re not BU, it is a bit weird but not illegal or necessarily immoral.

ItsalwaysLTB · 11/05/2019 16:26

How old are you now OP? When I was 17 I went out with a succession of 23/24 year old. All perfectly nice and no pressure to do anything but now I look back (early 40s) and think it was a bit odd. She may have been fairly mature and he immature if that makes sense?

adaline · 11/05/2019 16:26

I don't see a problem with this at all.

CarolsBiggestFan · 11/05/2019 16:29

I can’t articulate why but I’d feel a bit weird about this.

I recently found out some friends of ours got together when she was 14 and he was 22, and it’s certainly opened my eyes to the dynamics of their relationship.

ItsalwaysLTB · 11/05/2019 16:32

Carols that is weird, I also knew a man who aged 16 started going out with a 32 year old. They had a very odd dynamic.

This however I would 50/50 re the weirdness, especially as it didn't last long?

rainbowlovesfroot · 11/05/2019 16:34

I’m YABU.

10 year age gap ?

Their both consensual adults , I assume. Plus, he is with you now.

rainbowlovesfroot · 11/05/2019 16:34

YABU * 😂

User4000000 · 11/05/2019 16:34

Yanbu is a very big age gap at that stage in life.

adaline · 11/05/2019 16:34

Carols there's a big difference between 14 and 18, though.

rainbowlovesfroot · 11/05/2019 16:34

@user4000000 yes, but why is it something to bother her? she wasn’t dating him !

catsoup · 11/05/2019 16:35

When I was 19 I dated a 30 year old man. I don't think that's wierd and now I'm mid 30s I still don't.

It didn't last long purely for the fact that we didn't have much in common and that was due to the age gap. We had a few good dates but it just fizzled out.

CarolsBiggestFan · 11/05/2019 16:37

Yeah absolutely a big difference between 14 and 18, one is illegal for starters.

But there’s still a strange dynamic at that age, ok 18 is legally an adult but I’d imagine there’s be a power/vulnerability/naivety thing going on.

gamerchick · 11/05/2019 16:37

What would you like to happen OP? It happened, there's nothing wrong in it.

ItsalwaysLTB · 11/05/2019 16:39

No power issues if it didn't last long I wouldn't have thought.

NameChangedNoImagination · 11/05/2019 16:39

Tbh I would be disgusted.

SunshineCake · 11/05/2019 16:41

When I was 19 my boyfriend was 35. Funnily enough I ended things with him for the same reason I ended it with my next boyfriend who was a similar age to me. Age wasn't an issue in either case, not the reason it ended. Now married to someone two months younger than me.

TinyMarie · 11/05/2019 16:41

This would bother me and like a PP said, I can really explain why because it's legal and presumably consensual etc. but it just would.

formerbabe · 11/05/2019 16:41

I dated a 26 year old when I was 18. It's a non issue imo...both adults and the age gap isn't so big.

expatinspain · 11/05/2019 16:44

It's really not a big age difference as there are plenty of immature 27 year old blokes around and mature 18 year olds. My DP did the same, but they were both at uni at the time and he was still living with his parents. I think I was a bit 👀 when he told me, as I was imagining myself at 27, but I'd lived independently since I was 18, was married and in a completely different place in my life that he was at the same age.

WanderingAimlessly · 11/05/2019 16:46

When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old and it was fine. Next boyfriend was 7 years older than me and DH is 9 years older than me. So of us just end up with people older/younger than us! Nothing sinister or weird going on!

HotSkunk3033 · 11/05/2019 16:49

I’m 27 and my partner is 41. I was 18 (him 32) when we met. Been together 10 years in January.
Try not to be a dick.

Nephilim1964 · 11/05/2019 16:49

My ex BiL starting going out with his now ex wife when she was 15 and he was 30. I was horrified but nobody else batted an eyelid.

I was made to feel as if I was being judgemental but she was a very quiet girl and definitely not mature for her age. He always made my skin crawl.

An 18 year old going out with a 27 year old isn't quite as bad but I'd still be a bit uncomfortable about it.

Birdie6 · 11/05/2019 16:50

When I first met DH I was 17 and he was 28. Nothing weird about it !

hidinginthenightgarden · 11/05/2019 16:54

I wouldn't have an issue with that at all. I probably would if she had been 16 - maybe 17.
18 is an adult.

ColdTiredFoggy · 11/05/2019 16:55

I would have felt odd about this too - but I think it could very much depend on the people involved.

A 27 year old and an 18 year old. My only ? would be if she was still a school girl/particularly naive 18 year old. And if he was predatory about hunting out a naive school girl. The age gap itself not something I would think too much about.

A very lovely, dear friend of ours went out with a 23 year old when he was 39-40 years old. He hated the age gap but only because he worried what people would think.

But he is a very relaxed/young kind of chap - into kitesurfing/watersports/mountain biking. And so was she. (Though he did have more disposable income at the time to pay for such stuff and is very generous about sharing). She was quite a mature/focussed 23 year old.

The relationship worked nicely for a couple of years. Both were happy. It fizzled out after a couple of years to mutual agreement. It was probably never going to be a lifelong thing. They both had a nice time whilst it lasted. No one hurt.