He dated someone much younger...thoughts?

[cactuslady101]

Just found out my partner of a few years dated an 18 year old a few years ago. He would have been 27 at the time. Apparently it didn't last very long at all but I know that they slept together. AIBU for feeling weird about this?

Yabu, both of them were legal adults and it was before he met you. It may sound a huge difference but as pp have said there are plenty of mature 18 year olds and immature 27 year olds.

At 18 I was seeing a 27 year old, nearly 15 years later we're still together.

I don’t really see anything wrong with 18 and 27 tbh, it’s not really a massive gap. Then me and dh have 15+ years between us so 🤷🏻‍♀️

An 18 year old I more than capable of knowing who they want to shag so what’s the issue here?

It was years ago anyway

I was 18 when I started seeing a guy that age. It was only for a few months as I was going to uni and knew I didn’t want a serious or long term relationship.

I don’t think it’s odd and I’m not sure why it’s an issue, it’s just another ex.

Please don’t let this be an issue for you.

Wouldn't bother me when i was 20 I went out with a 40 year old for 2 years it was a good relationship we ended it because he didnt want anymore children and I knew I did. Met him a few years later (went to his restaurant) and we had a lovely chat good guy good for my self esteem at that time.. I met dh about 2 month after we broke up.

I dated my friends brother when I was 18 and he was 27.

Amazing sex, amazing connection, amazing summer together. It was a time of real self discovery for me. Very fond memories (it was 20 years ago!!)

He met my family, I already knew his family due to my friendship with his sister. No one passed judgement and it ended amicably after about a year. He lives in Oz now so I haven't crossed paths with him in decades but I'm still very good friends with his sister....

Why do you feel weird about it?

I don’t think it’s a particularly eye-opening age gap!

Absolutely no problem. 2 young adults FFS.

I genuinely don’t know why anyone would find it odd, I have has casual things before with similar age gaps.

The 'socially acceptable formula' (introduced to me by my DS) says to halve the older person's age and add 7. If the younger person's age is equal or greater than the formula result, all is ok.
So 27 halved = 13.5, add 7 = 20.5.
Draw your own conclusions.

Really, yes YABU, she was 18 and I'm assuming a consenting adult. It really is not an issue at all IMO.

I don't see the problem with this at all. I think it would be odder to be part of a social circle where every relationship has a +/- 5 year age gap, or whatever it is that you're thinking would be more normal. In the nicest possible way, I think you need to get out a bit more, OP!

She was 18. Not a big deal imo. Intellectually they were both possibly at a similar mid 20's level! 😁

One of my sister's contemporaries from school ended up marrying a guy who had taught her at junior school. Around a 12/13 year age gap. I think they started dating when she was about 18.

I found it creepy then and still do but they are still together 40 odd years later

When I was 18 I had a relationship with a man who was 32. I ended it after about a year, but he had always treated me well and remained a friend. I googled him recently because we lost touch and can't find him at all except for a citation for an award for gallantry (thankfully not posthumous!) in Afghanistan. I wish I could find him, he was kind and funny and I'd love to know if he is happy.
If a man had only ever had relationships with much younger women then I might wonder about that, but in this case it would be a total non-issue for me.

It's really not a big age difference as there are plenty of immature 27 year old blokes around and mature 18 year olds.

That's not a plus though is it? "Yeah, she's going out with someone a decade older but don't worry, he's really immature!"

When I was 19 I was ‘the other woman’ with a 27 year-old. I do feel now I was still a kid and naively believed he’d realise he loved me more. Maybe he should have been old enough to know better. However, that’s very different to being in a typical relationship where age is the only issue.

Different scenario but i get how these discoveries can change the view somehow. I went out with a man of 50 at 42 and discovered that his previous gf had been 18 yrs younger. I was a bit 🤔
Like did he not notice anybody nearly his own age?
And even though i was still 6 years younger than he was, did he see me as too old for him?
It put me off.

8

My cousin was 19 when she met her now husband who was 29 at the time, they are still together with two kids.
If it didn’t last long was probably a quick lustful thing anyway (although yes it is weird to me)

Scott disick is in this thirties and his girlfriend Sofia Richie was 18

I'm not sure Scott Disick is the best model of appropriate behavior.

Depends on the 18- working or at school? If the latter errrm move on

I don't think it 'weird' at all. My 20 year old friend married her fiance who was 40. They're still together 20 odd years later. I know other couples with big age gaps so perhaps that's why I find it unremarkable.

I don't think it's strange both adults and women do tend to mature quicker than men... my fiance is 49 and I'm 28 works well and don't even notice the age difference tbh he's silly just like me :) so really depends on the person.

I was just shocked and it made me feel a bit uneasy. I should probably add that they met when she was 17 but about to turn 18.

Do you feel that makes it different? Worse? I'm really not getting the problem here...