He dated someone much younger...thoughts?

[cactuslady101]

Just found out my partner of a few years dated an 18 year old a few years ago. He would have been 27 at the time. Apparently it didn't last very long at all but I know that they slept together. AIBU for feeling weird about this?

I hope what OP is learning from this thread is 'it depends'. It's possible for a relationship between a 27yo and a 17/18yo to be perfectly healthy and equal, or for it to be coercive and a bit weird. Similarly, relationships between couples of a similar age can be healthy or they can be unhealthy.

I guess what she needs to ask herself now is why her DP's relationship with his former girlfriend makes her feel 'uneasy' when so many people have provided her with anecdotal evidence that it needn't.

I was 18 when I met my DH who was 28. Been together 19 years so far.

Only on MN this seems to be an issue. I prefer older men, always have done.

I think it's because it ended shortly after they slept together. It makes it seem like he took advantage of a young girl and that makes me uncomfortable.

I met my oh when I was 17 and he was 28! We are still together 18 years later, I don’t get the issue?

It makes it seem like he took advantage of a young girl and that makes me uncomfortable.

What young girl? How do you know she didn't end it? Took advantage?

You are coming across as rather odd....

I would feel weird and uncomfortable about it too. Regardless of maturity.

I think you need to talk to him about the details, OP. Either the truth is nothing like how you imagine and you can let this go, or if your instinct is that he's a bit of a predator then maybe it's time to confront that and decide whether this is a man you want to be with.

Everyone I have spoken to about it in real life thinks its very weird.

OP people just tell you what they think you want to hear.......

What Sweetdreams said.

Sorry Streetdreams !

**I think it's because it ended shortly after they slept together. It makes it seem like he took advantage of a young girl and that makes me uncomfortable.

Did they have a one night stand then OP?

I was seeing a 32 year old. We broke up, he contacted me a few months later and the 17 year old that he'd shagged during the broken up phase contacted me to tell me and cause trouble.
I felt that the age gap was wrong and it totally changed my opinion of him but her behaviour and immaturity about the whole thing didn't help. I personally couldn't get over it.

Everyone I have spoken to about it in real life thinks its very weird.

But 'everyone' isn't really who you need to be talking to. Only one version of events is worth hearing - well, two, I suppose, but probably only one of those is accessible. What does he say about it? How does he describe her? How does he describe the nature of their relationship? The age gap itself really isn't important, but your instinct that he may have treated her in a throwaway manner is a different thing. No one can advise you about that. You need to talk to him.

How is it wierd for two adults to be in a relationship?

Maybe they got on well and fancied each other.

Presumably you are older so he's not deliberately preying on younger women.

I don't see the problem.

To be honest you're not going to get much nuance on this topic on this website. All you're going to get 'It's legal so it's fine'. No critical thinking at all.