7 DHs from adjacent houses cycling all weekend (again)!

[ballisticcyclistic]

I’m sitting here with ice on my ankle because yesterday I twisted it during a ridiculous situation where I had to take 4 special wheels to the garage for DH’s car and he’d loaded these in my car at 5am. I couldn’t park in the garage forecourt as no space, so I had to park up the road. Then I couldn’t lift the bloody things out of the back of my car, so I just pulled two out and tried to roll them along, but the road was on an incline and the wheels took on a will of their own, like wagon wheels rolling off, One was veering into the road so I had to chase it like a lunatic and I caught the edge of my wedge sandals and twisted my ankle which is still very swollen. So that was yesterday afternoon.

DH complained to the garage that it was unacceptable that nobody they’d helped me, but he has since apologised so I’ll just put behind me, but there are repercussions now for this weekend.

We live on a street where we actually get on with lots of neighbours (rare for London) but this is mainly led by the DHs who are all cycling fanatics. This weekend they are all off to the midlands for some famous ride I’ve never heard of. There are seven of them going.

Now normally I’d be glad of the peace, but today I have -

• Landscape gardeners coming around 8am
• The flooring man coming at 9am
• I need to leave at 9.30am to get DS (14) to his tutor, 20 min drive away, so I won’t be back until 12
• DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours because they’ve closed Hammersmith Bridge and Putney and Chiswick Bridges are rammed. Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well
• One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia.
• 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open
• Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Of course, I know DH can’t cancel the ride now, but I feel aggravated and it’s only 7am!

'And how were you posting at 9;30 when you were supposed to be driving the DS to tutoring?'

Karmin

You beat me to it

I'm another who doesn't understand why your teens can't use public transport (it's good for them and you, in terms of independence), but your life is so far removed from my rural laid back life that I can't offer any advice.

I had never heard of MAMILs, and didn't know that cyclists have a reputation for being selfish twats, but my BIL went on a cycling holiday to Tenerife with his cycling club two days before his wife started her first bout of chemotherapy. He was gone for ten days and wouldn't consider cancelling, so that makes sense now, though it was unbelievable at the time.

OK, I'll admit we have a fairly traditional set up at home where DH works long hours and earns a good income, and I am basically a SAHM and do a little bit of work from home.

I manage all the household stuff - I ensure children get to where they should be and arrange and manage any tradesmen. DH would NEVER book a gardener and then leave it for me to deal with! Ridiculous. If something needs doing then it is up to one person to organise the whole process - your husband is not your boss delegating things to you.

This whole running round after your DH's hobbies is ridiculous though and needs to stop immediately.

You know that you could just send the gardeners away again? There are other firms you can book when you do get organised. It’s shit for them, but you could be very apologetic and say I’m so sorry, my husband booked and I have no idea what hes thinking, I really can’t explain it to you? Or just put them on the phone to him?

You are choosing this really. Learn to say no. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to say yes if my husband asked me to do something for his footy etc.

If it the ride I am thinking of, the Velo ride, it goes straight past my house! It is a nightmare, the roads are closed off! If you want me to point out your DH and call him some profanities I am happy to oblige!

ballisticcyclist - so, your dh is clearly a self-important arsehole and neither of you possess any common sense (who the hell would attempt to roll two heavy tyres at the same time along the side of a road, whilst wearing wedgies?!). As for all the tutoring, helping with GCSEs, caring for kittens and lift giving (in London, where public transport is oozing out of every pore...) - is all of it really necessary? You have only mentioned one child with a learning disability, not four, and none of your children are of primary school age by the sound of it. Does your dh lift a finger at home, or just dispense instructions to people?

I think you have made a rod for your own back, if I'm honest. When I book things in, I check the calendar. if i have stuff going on then I say that date doesn't suit me, and change it accordingly. If your husband books people in when you're not available them you tell him, " no I can't do that day so reschedule that one". If he doesn't listen just turn them away at the door. Simple. I would never take my husband's hobby cars to the garage. His hobby= his time. Being so busy that you feel over whelmed and hard done by is something you can easily change by being assertive.

So what will you do about it? Is this a rant and moan and back to playing martyrs? Or do you want suggestions from posters?

Jesus that's some big set bougie west London problems. But without sound jealous we'll move on... Fuck that. You shouldn't have taken the bloody tyers for a start. But seen as you did and you've hurt your ankle. I've sprained my ankle before and know it really hurts. So he shouldn't just bugger off and leave you to run the house and family.

Sorry, OP, but didn't you know? Your DH is too important to be dealing with the house, the garden, supporting your children's studies and activities ... that's all your job.

His job is to spend lots of money on his hobbies, cars and bikes, and disappear to do them. He earns lots of money, so he's entitled to this.

Wanker.

It sounds like your.more of his PA than his wife. I would be really pissed off if I had to use so much of my time to facilitate my dhs hobby. It's fine he has a hobby and collection but why should it impact so much on your family life?

I think you should seriously consider if you want to be a wife or PA and have a serious conversation with DH.

Why do these selfish husband threads often involve cyclists - is there something about cycling that encourages people to be selfish arseholes, or is it only selfish arseholes who get obsessed by cycling? 🤔

Sorry I was driving. For those how were you posting at 9.30?” etc well. We left a bit late, as usual. Sorry I’m here now so have a hour to wait. He can’t really use public transport to get here because it doesn’t connect. For anyone who knows the area, think Putney / Barnes area to beyond Raynes Park (and not near the station). So tricky.

I’m confused. How were you going to drive 2 cars home from the garage? When you parked and walked down the lonely towpath because the traffic was bad on the way to collect the other car?

Oh come on, if you can afford to collect cars, then you can afford to have someone come to your house to collect said car/s for their service.

Bollocks, all of London is connected. You just need to take a bus, two if needs be. Or go back to CJ.

And what the Donald fuck part of London is Barnes/Putney. The bit people in Barnes and Putney don’t want to be associated with ?

Your husband sounds thoroughly self obsessed. He has absented himself from everything to do with family/household/pets.

He should definitely be helping with GCSE revision instead of bike riding IMO. All very well to say it should be done independently but it’s much easier and less stressful for someone to lend a hand and would lift the child’s spirits. Your household is busy like a lot of families and still your husband is obsessed with himself. It’s not even really about fitness. If it was, he could go for a ride very early or very late and help with the household during the day. It’s just total self absorption and pleasing of oneself.

Haven’t RTFT but there is a constant theme among families - the source of the tension is that somehow men’s leisure time is perceived as necessary, inviolable and uncancellable. Women’s leisure time is a great rare gift to be fought and scrapped over or awarded to a women with much fanfare eg voucher for spa.

Why on earth did you try wheeling two very heavy wheels down the road?! That’s like something out of a Frank Spencer sketch! I’d have taken one and asked someone from the garage to walk back with me to the car to get the others.

If you knew the cycle race was going on months in advance, why book the landscape gardener and flooring man and accept party invitations for the same day when you know you have to get to the tutor?

I’d have cancelled the tutor, not accepted the party invitation and stay at home to help the revising child, look after the kittens and wait for the plumber- as that sounds more of an emergency.

I have driven here because I don’t want to spend more on Ubers and there’s nowhere really to wait just round here.

What DH has done is, there’s a place in Turnham Green where lots of men (mainly Polish apparently) hang out in the early mornings and if you get there early you can negotiate a job with them. So I think DH must have already had one of them round before, but today 3 have showed up to do wall pointing and general clearance. I can deal with it, of course, but it’s a bit like how long is s piece of string with these builders and I’m not sure if he’s agreed a day rate with them or what. I will ask him obviously, but it’s just this kind of thing all the time. It’s not a problem in itself, I’m just tired today and I’d rather be focusing on the GCSEs without mud through the basement.

This is not a partnership it’s a boss employee arrangement
He went to Karate ffs

He is a rubbish husband and father

So dodgy cash in hand work being done on the garden, then...

@DustOffYourHighestHopes My thoughts too!

His car hobby = his problem. He's treating you like the unpaid hired help.

Wobble - sorry I was in an Uber but the traffic was so slow to Chiswick Bridge we parked up and then I went over the Barnes footbridge and ended up on s towpath in the Dukes Meadows that was quite lonely and heading for a graveyard, but I eventually got off it and got another Uber. It was just getting over the bridge that was the problem, so the Uber’s were parking up because of congestion both ways and people were walking instead.