Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 DHs from adjacent houses cycling all weekend (again)!

458 replies

ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 07:19

I’m sitting here with ice on my ankle because yesterday I twisted it during a ridiculous situation where I had to take 4 special wheels to the garage for DH’s car and he’d loaded these in my car at 5am. I couldn’t park in the garage forecourt as no space, so I had to park up the road. Then I couldn’t lift the bloody things out of the back of my car, so I just pulled two out and tried to roll them along, but the road was on an incline and the wheels took on a will of their own, like wagon wheels rolling off, One was veering into the road so I had to chase it like a lunatic and I caught the edge of my wedge sandals and twisted my ankle which is still very swollen. So that was yesterday afternoon.

DH complained to the garage that it was unacceptable that nobody they’d helped me, but he has since apologised so I’ll just put behind me, but there are repercussions now for this weekend.

We live on a street where we actually get on with lots of neighbours (rare for London) but this is mainly led by the DHs who are all cycling fanatics. This weekend they are all off to the midlands for some famous ride I’ve never heard of. There are seven of them going.

Now normally I’d be glad of the peace, but today I have -

  • Landscape gardeners coming around 8am
  • The flooring man coming at 9am
  • I need to leave at 9.30am to get DS (14) to his tutor, 20 min drive away, so I won’t be back until 12
  • DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours because they’ve closed Hammersmith Bridge and Putney and Chiswick Bridges are rammed. Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well
  • One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia.
  • 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open
  • Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Of course, I know DH can’t cancel the ride now, but I feel aggravated and it’s only 7am!

OP posts:
Original poster
ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 13:16

Because
the
tutor
Is
Specialist
and
Wanted
To
Speak
With
Me
After
The
Session

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 11/05/2019 13:17

Aw you should get your band to come @IHeartKingThistle. We get bands from Cornwall, Switzerland and the Ukraine on a regular basis.

C8H10N4O2 · 11/05/2019 13:18

Does the Specialist not have a phone?

MariaNovella · 11/05/2019 13:20

You do sound very spoilt, OP. Get some perspective. Stop chauffeuring your teen DC. Either they take public transport or they take an Uber. If you need to talk to a tutor, that’s what telephones are for.

MariaNovella · 11/05/2019 13:21

And stop enabling your DH’s hobbies and let him manage them himself.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 11/05/2019 13:24

Without wanting to come across as mean, OP, there is no way I would have scheduled in so many things to a Saturday, particularly knowing that DH wouldn't be around to share the load.

Also, couldn't you get DS to take DD to the party in an Uber if necessary? Know he is revising for exams but everyone needs a break.

Feel for you with a broken toe though. YANBU in thinking that your DH should have chosen not to go off on a cycle buddies weekend.

Clutterbugsmum · 11/05/2019 13:24

I hope your ankle gets better soon.

Ignore the poster on here who seem to want to pick fault with normal day to day life.

Original poster
ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 13:28

Sorry I don’t mean to sound sarcastic - it’s a reasonable question. My elder DC go all over London on their own most days in all manner of transport. No problems there! It’s just this tutor lives in a top flat and there are many flats so you couid get confused (I do), it’s only the third session and we she likes to show me what they’ve done due to the circumstances st the moment. Also this one is 14 so doesn’t have the uber app on their phone to get home. That’s it really.

OP posts:
cyclingmad · 11/05/2019 13:29

Why didn't you wear appropriate shoes in the first place, why not ask the garage to help you, temp park up so they could unload (noone would of refused to help you). Why can't your children travel on their own especially at the ages they are at, give them some independence and life experience.

As for the cyclist bashing on this thread I am hardly shocked to see it but wow talk about brandishing every cyclist as selfish when that isn't even the case.

MuffingtonClay · 11/05/2019 13:40

That is a perfectly reasonable answer, but for future reference you should know that you can order taxis for other people via your own Uber, and in fact that is what I would have expected you to be doing even if he did have the app himself because then you can track the journey. (He can share tracking details with you if he has ordered it himself but less faff for you just to order the cab on your Uber)

mclady · 11/05/2019 13:41

What's his name? He'll be riding past my house so I can put a sign in the garden for you if you like, telling him to stop being a knob and go home.

C8H10N4O2 · 11/05/2019 13:43

Also this one is 14 so doesn’t have the uber app on their phone to get home

You don't need it. You can order cabs for other people on Uber.

You can also call a local minicab company to drop and collect.

MariaNovella · 11/05/2019 13:47

You can send an Uber to collect your DC - he doesn’t have to have the app himself.

You really need to stop enabling your family.

bengalcat · 11/05/2019 14:22

How’s it all going ?

Frazzled2207 · 11/05/2019 14:49

As well as the not sending your children by public transport and/or uber what I am really struggling to understand is why you are doing stuff to do with your dh's "hobby" cars.

rookiemere · 11/05/2019 15:54

I don't think you answered the question specifically OP but it does seem as if you're a SAHM. In which case I think it's fair enough that your DH does the odd weekend event - sorry can't remember if all your DCs are in school yet but presumably you do get some time to yourself during the week.

However I would be putting a line in the sand from now on. You do the bulk of the childcare and household responsibilities, but you do not support his hobbies by doing the donkey work, and he does not put in appointments in the diary when he's not around.

Oh and I give you permission not to listen when he chunters on about his hobby. I get this with DH - it's not so much that he's away hill walking quite a lot - which he is - but it's the endless chatter about his diet, training, list of what stuff to bring and the looking after of the dog he was so keen for us to get ( I don't mind looking after DS 13 as it's minimal lifts and meals for him).

Original poster
ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 16:14

Hi yes sorry, to answer, I am a SAHM and I don’t mind if he wants to go on the bike for weeks (which has happened). But I’m really not interested in the cars or the bikes in the first place, yet he’ll leave me lists like, “please tax this car”, “Or book this in for a service,” or “phone up about this garage”, and it just seems never ending. I’m happy to do everything else, but I don’t think this is even important in the scheme of our family life. Also he has had a few accidents over the years and it has been stressful at times. I’ve had to organise minor plastic surgery for him, deal with the insurance, legal stuff which of course I don’t mind, but if it’s not one thing it’s the next.

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 11/05/2019 16:20

I would be having a chat with DH in the circumstances. I wouldn't expect DH to disappear off to karate and not help with a busy day that he's partially arranged. DH and I chat to each other if we're arranging things but the other one needs to deal with, so we've both agreed it's not too much trouble.

Therefore, you could have rearranged the trades people if you'd known in advance as it sounds a pretty full on day. Simply tell DH not to book things for you to do without chatting to you.

Also, stop doing his hobby for him.

Waves at everyone else blocked in by road closures tomorrow for the Velo Birmingham. We will be out waving at the participants (because we can't go anywhere else!!) Grin Wondering if I can spot other MNers?

Punstow61 · 11/05/2019 16:23

Why are people so mean? The OP wanted to vent about a crappy few days she was having. What’s wrong with that? Anyway, sorry you’re having a bad day, hope it all gets done and you can sit down tonight and relax. And enjoy the kittens Smile

PurpleCrazyHorse · 11/05/2019 16:27

Just seen your update.... honestly, just stop doing stuff connected with his hobby. He wants the car hobby, he needs to take time off work to do it or he needs to give you a good dollop of time at the weekends. He can't have you running around for him all week, then he's off out cycling/karate all weekend.

I totally understand handling the bulk of the family admin, I do too (also a SAHM) because I can easily call during the day etc. However, I do expect DH to help facilitate things logistically if needed, including taking time off work if necessary. The way I see it is that he would have to do all the admin and take all the time off work if we weren't married, so taking off the odd hour every year to facilitate an easier trip to the garage for me is a small price to pay.

MuffingtonClay · 11/05/2019 16:34

He is taking the piss. Stop allowing it. Tell him you are his wife not his PA.

SelfIdentifyingAsAnonymous · 11/05/2019 16:36

The problem is that he treats you like staff. And also that he’s utterly self-centred.

Parker231 · 11/05/2019 16:37

As you don’t work and therefore have the majority of the day free, I don’t see a problem with you handling the majority of the home admin but DH can sort his hobbies and you sort your own.

How can he spend so much time on cycling and cars when he has DC’s. When does he spend time with them, help with homework, ferrying them to after school activities etc?

Original poster
ballisticcyclistic · 11/05/2019 16:52

He will give the DC lifts etc if he’s around, though to be fair it’s only the younger one who really needs it these days as the other two use the buses or tube mostly. He’s a lovely dad, but he’s very busy as it is and always taking on more in a way that seems to create more hoopla. Every time a car gets damaged or something it’s just another headache for me because he stresses and goes on and on. I don’t feel like I really care, but still have to pick up the slack as he has no time.,

I did tell him last night I’ve had enough of the car stuff and just because I’m home, don’t presume that I have all day to be waiting around car garages. This was after he had phoned the garage and complained that it was poor service that nobody helped me with the wheels, but I said to him it wasn’t their fault because they have job to do as it is. He was having none of it, so I told him about how I had ended up on a lonely path near a graveyard and didn’t like it at the time and I’ve had enough. So he sort of apologised, but we’ll see.

OP posts:
Whoops75 · 11/05/2019 16:55

All he is providing to the household is a paycheck.

He sound very entitled and that’s an awful quality in a person, would you like your daughters to be a rich mans doormat?