7 DHs from adjacent houses cycling all weekend (again)!

[ballisticcyclistic]

I’m sitting here with ice on my ankle because yesterday I twisted it during a ridiculous situation where I had to take 4 special wheels to the garage for DH’s car and he’d loaded these in my car at 5am. I couldn’t park in the garage forecourt as no space, so I had to park up the road. Then I couldn’t lift the bloody things out of the back of my car, so I just pulled two out and tried to roll them along, but the road was on an incline and the wheels took on a will of their own, like wagon wheels rolling off, One was veering into the road so I had to chase it like a lunatic and I caught the edge of my wedge sandals and twisted my ankle which is still very swollen. So that was yesterday afternoon.

DH complained to the garage that it was unacceptable that nobody they’d helped me, but he has since apologised so I’ll just put behind me, but there are repercussions now for this weekend.

We live on a street where we actually get on with lots of neighbours (rare for London) but this is mainly led by the DHs who are all cycling fanatics. This weekend they are all off to the midlands for some famous ride I’ve never heard of. There are seven of them going.

Now normally I’d be glad of the peace, but today I have -

• Landscape gardeners coming around 8am
• The flooring man coming at 9am
• I need to leave at 9.30am to get DS (14) to his tutor, 20 min drive away, so I won’t be back until 12
• DD (11) needs to be at a party for 1.30pm which a good 40 min drive, but could be more like 2 hours because they’ve closed Hammersmith Bridge and Putney and Chiswick Bridges are rammed. Also, I can’t walk to the tube and this DD has a broken toe as well
• One DS in the midst of GCSEs and will need support / someone to practise French with / test him etc. He is working very hard, but sometimes just needs calming down or distraction. Other DS also has end of year exams starting on Mon and he needs a fair bit if input due to dyslexia.
• 2 new kittens who I have to watch in case they get out due to gardeners leaving doors open
• Plumbers coming at some point in the afternoon

AIBU to be a bit miffed? Of course, I know DH can’t cancel the ride now, but I feel aggravated and it’s only 7am!

But I’m really not interested in the cars or the bikes in the first place, yet he’ll leave me lists like, “please tax this car”, “Or book this in for a service,” or “phone up about this garage”, and it just seems never ending.

Say no?

Seriously, he's treating you like a PA. If you're a SAHM, it's reasonable you do all the family admin, but not for his hobby! Tell him you'll tax the family car / book the family car in for a service, but any hobby cars are up to him.

He may suddenly find his hobby becomes a lot less fun when he has to do the shit parts of it as well as the fun stuff.

Of course he has time to sort out his cars but he chooses not to. He could do it after work, Saturday and Sunday or leave it until he is on holiday.

" poor service that nobody helped me with the wheels, "

But did they even know that you were struggling down the road with the wheels?

I get that you don't work, kids are in school all day so you have more time.

Even so I would have thought that making appointents would be enough-not then having to take cars/wheels here & there as well!

It’s difficult to say no though and not appear rude? When it’s something I could do. The thing is, he wouid do similar for me, but the difference is that I would never ask him unless it’s an absolute emergency.

If you carry on doing it, it will always be your job. It’s not a great example for your DC’s - Dads have the fun hobbies but Mums do all the work. When do you have time at the weekend for your hobbies?

"When it’s something I could do."

Well obviously the wheels weren't something that you could do & taking the car in for the service didn't work so well!

Maybe that's unfortunate due to where you live.

Do you always book into the closest/most convenient garage?

I'd probably carry on with the booking in but leave him to take/collect the car/s

To be fair, I can do a few hobbies in the week, but I just do an hour here and there when it fits in and nothing that requires equipment or drama or any input from anyone else.

I do hear what people are saying and Thankyou. I don’t want to moan about DH because he’s very good in many ways and overall and it’s up to me to deal with anything if I’m not happy, but this morning I did feel like doing the martyr act a bit and taking to the internet. Sorry to MN!

He sounds like a shit husband and father tbh. He does the expensive funding of hobbies and for you to stay home and treats you like a 24/7 PA as a result.

Definitely not unreasonable I need to do a 15 mile detour to get round the fucking bike ride I think you’re on about tomorrow, so I hate every cyclist on it!

OP,
Your biggest concern should not be you DHs hobbies, your ankle, you're kids exams, tutoring or parties.

Your biggest concern should be that people who use mobile phones while driving cause accidents that risk lives.

You can take action to sort out your family, but don't fuck up someone else's family by using your phone at the wheel.

Hmm...sounds like he likes making his money, spending it and treating you like a PA. But I suppose the payoff from the lifestyle must be worth it. Me, I'd rather have a husband who was involved in family life and didn't spend all his free time pleasing himself (which I fortunately have).

Kneehighinshit

The op was in an uber not driving.
Her ankle is sore!!

The first photo OP posted is taken from the front seat on the right hand side of a car. I don't know if Ubers have left hand driven cars in London but it seems unlikely.

Sheesh. She was not in an Uber. Can folk not read?

@ballisticcyclistic you've been an absolute good sport today about this thread! I'd have run for the (Surrey) hills ages ago

You have a life like thousands more in London. Your DH works hard, helps when he can but plays hard too. You also have the ability to do the same but have got wrapped up in the kids and DH that you don't take your opportunities perhaps.

Anyhow it's no big deal. You sound fun and like a nice person if we met you on the school run (via Kumon via Cross Training).

PS wine helps swollen ankles. Fact. If you drink, have a large glass tonight.

As your kids are getting older and more independent you should have more time to spend on your own stuff. I agree with everyone about telling DH he needs to sort his own cars out from now on. You need to start seeing yourself as a person in your own right again, not as everyone else's enabler.

And hope you're relaxing in the garden with a nice glass of wine or cup of coffee by now.

Def be more strict about car stuff - fine to tax one online, not fine to pick up tyres/do manual labour.
Hope you have a nice evening with no ferrying about.

Thankyou lovely people! Yes I have . Hope you have a relaxing img weekend too,

Op has taken this all with good grace !

To the cyclist I don’t take any offence at the comments and I cycle everywhere !
There is a difference between me safely and considerately making my way about to a group of 20 men in Lycra cycling 3 abreast , hogging the road , being too fast and risky

It’s difficult to say no though and not appear rude? Why would it appear rude? You're his wife, not an employee.

And how much involvement does he have in family life?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-48247437

Nice

OMG that’s awful! Would they have stopped an ambulance too? Completely unacceptable that poor horse

Two horses the mare and her foal, the mare bled to death! But of course the cyclists fun is way more important.. not!

That's despicable.