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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help ex get a mortgage?

102 replies

Leopardunderthebed · 10/05/2019 20:06

We split 3 years ago. Have a 4 year old DD, through his choice he hasn’t seen her for a year. No calls, no contact, new girlfriend and he just slowly reduced contact to nothing.

CMS is paid through direct pay. So he pays it directly to me and if he doesn’t I would need to tell CMS myself.

He sent me an email today to ask me if for the next six months he could pay CMS by cash as he can’t get a mortgage with such a large outgoing each month. His accountant has told him to ask to get it off his bank statements and then he’ll get one no problem.

So he wants me to take cash for the next six months.

Reasons I feel like telling him to fuck off:

He’s a shitty dad who broke DDs heart
His girlfriend could get a job and help out instead (doesn’t work, never has, no kids)
I wouldn’t be able to deposit it in my account as it needs to be called “maintenance” so housing benefit doesn’t think I’m on the fiddle
I don’t want that amount of cash in my house every month
He’s a prick and why should I help him?!

Reasons I should:
Seems a bit petty to say no

AIBU to say fuck off to him?

OP posts:
StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 10/05/2019 22:15

Nope nope nope. At least a bank transfer has an audit trail. Its not your problem, you owe him Jack shit,its not petty to say no

Copperandtod · 10/05/2019 22:18

It’s up to the ex how he pays. No legal requirement to pay by bank transfer. He doesn’t need to ask her. For some reason he decided to disclose his reasons and ask for her approval. There’s nothing she can do about it either way.

janeybumtum · 10/05/2019 22:20

It sounds like a ploy to pay you a couple of times and then stop, fobbing you off every time you ask when he's going to give you the money you're due in the future

Crunchymum · 10/05/2019 22:30

@Tamsyn143

Why???

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/05/2019 22:30

I work in mortgages, people trying to under declare their outgoings or over inflate their income always get caught out somehow.

How so? Cash is untraceable and not going through an account so how can a mortgage company possible know this information?

Smokesandeats · 10/05/2019 22:39

It’s not your problem if he can’t get a mortgage. He’ll just have to rent for a bit longer to save up a deposit. Tell him that your accountant says no to being paid cm in cash because it’s dodgy!

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 10/05/2019 22:40

If he can't officially afford it if the lender sees it in his statements, he can't afford it even if it's not on them, can he.

Emails get lost all the time OP. Suggest this one goes awol too.

PickAChew · 10/05/2019 22:43

Nah. He can go sing. Or sack his "accountant".

MumW · 10/05/2019 22:48

He says it makes no difference to me how I get the cash, why would it matter?!
That's easy as its not true, it does matter as it will have an effect on your housing benefit.

His accountant is definitely on the dodgy side. He pays him in trade and he has all kinds of tricks for avoiding tax etc etc
Another good reason for wanting to keep a paper trail - you don't want to get caught up in any of his questionable dealings.

The mumsnet classic, that doesn't work for me as it would impact on my benefits, should suffice. Repeat like a broken record.

Good luck

Copperandtod · 10/05/2019 22:50

Her housing benefit will not be affected unless she lies about receiving the money. How it’s paid is of no consequence

slithytove · 10/05/2019 22:51

Seems as though him paying the cash into your account with ‘dd maintenance’ as the reference would be ok?

UnicornDust9 · 10/05/2019 22:54

Nope. Tell him to get stuffed

Justbreathing · 10/05/2019 22:56

I would agree to it. But ask for 50% more
It’s fine to have cash.
I would use it to your advantage

Justbreathing · 10/05/2019 22:56

FYI
You can’t pay cash into a bank account anymore

Copperandtod · 10/05/2019 22:58

Yes you can you can put it in through the bank machine

TriciaH87 · 10/05/2019 22:58

Tell him no. Its for his benefit as well as yours. You know his paying it and he knows you can't say he didn't. My ex asked me to reduce what he pays so he can have another child. Hasn't seen the one his got in 7 years so I told him no. That's me doing my bit for that poor child.

Justbreathing · 10/05/2019 23:00

But only if you gave an account in the same bank. I got refused. Apparently they no longer accept cash into another bank account

llangennith · 10/05/2019 23:05

No. Don't do it. You could be complicit in fraud. And you don't owe him any favours.

slithytove · 11/05/2019 00:04

I don’t know that anyone can dictate how child maintenance gets paid into their account actually. Would hardly make op complicit in fraud

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 11/05/2019 07:31

I don’t understand why his accountant would be giving him this advice. It would be a mortgage broker not an accountant. Two completely different professions.

My brother earns £100,000+, he has an accountant who makes it look like his earnings are more like £25,000. His accountant was very involved in helping rearrange his finances so he could get a big mortgage while still looking like he was earning much less than he was so he avoids paying tax, the accountant wrote letters to the bank etc. Not sure how it all works though.

Eminybob · 11/05/2019 07:42

He would be committing mortgage fraud, as he needs to declare CMS as an outgoing regardless of how he pays it.
I can’t believe an accountant would advise a client to commit fraud.

Weenurse · 11/05/2019 07:44

All sound a bit dodgy to me.
Stay as you are, but definitely discuss with ExW

Eminybob · 11/05/2019 07:51

How so? Cash is untraceable and not going through an account so how can a mortgage company possible know this information?

Because any good mortgage adviser will question why a divorcee with kids isn’t paying CMS. And will be within their rights to refuse the mortgage if the answer isn’t satisfactory.

TheTrollFairy · 11/05/2019 08:04

Tell him to fuck off.

He won’t struggle to pay the mortgage, he’s struggling to pass the affordability test because he isn’t declaring his cash in hand work so he avoids paying tax on it. This is why he can pay OP cash without the bank knowing he’s got a drop in income with cash

NannyRed · 11/05/2019 08:05

His mortgage, his problem!
It would cause you as much of a problem as it saves him.
I’d say no.

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