To ask for help about MIL.

[SciFiScream]

I love my MIL. She's terminally ill. Secondary cancer in four places. We're managing this as best we can with palliative care and the support of a local hospice.

The big problem is her legs, the swelling - one leg in particular she can hardly move.

We have a wheelchair for taking her out but in her home (she's alone) she can barely move due to this bloody leg.

She can't lift her leg, or turn her leg. She's scared of falling.

We're having real problems finding slippers that she can get on and she can move in.

Her feet are so swollen too, she's so incapacitated that she struggles putting them on.

The slippers need to be easy to put on, easy to move in, the sole can't be too thick (as she can't lift her leg). Style is still a bit important too

Help suggest some slippers??? Other solutions??

She got so frustrated today she was crying and my heart broke.

Ifyou know anyone who can knit this pattern is great knitwitzuk.com/edema-slipper-sock-for-swollen-feet/

I made a pair a couple of years ago in the largest size for a guy i know with size 12 feet and foot/ankle so.swollen from edema he was having to go barefoot in the winter outside because he couldn't get any shoes including from hospital that would fit. We jerry rigged with rubber matting stitched to the sole for outdoor use

For incontinence, get Tena Lady incontinence pants (pads). You may even be able to get them on prescription.

Sorry, haven't RTFT - is she getting all the support she should have? Macmillan Nurses, social work support, physio or whatever.

Why was the hospital bed not suitable?
There are high/low beds that go right down to the floor that may enable her to get legs into bed

She sounds such a wonderful woman op. I cried reading about her letter to you and her text.

@CMOTDibbler
Can you link to the reusable pants from Amazon please ?
Mil uses id extra small pull ups but I think she might be happier with reuasables . She has them “just in case” .

She's bought a funny bottle thing that she uses at night time and empties it in the morning. She is still managing her continence definitely. The OT was really impressed about this bottle thing (which she used without spilling!) apparently that's rare?!

We had friends round for dinner tonight - the man is an old friend of DH, was our best man too. His partner is a nurse (different specialism) so DH has had a good chat and unburdened himself a little.

I think we are going to try and suggest she goes for respite at the hospice.

DH (who has POA) is going to be a bit more proactive with speaking to people. I don't think they realise how difficult she's finding it.

She is a very special woman and I love her so much. I love the man she brought up and I love the way she loves all of her grandchildren. She has her flaws, but we all do.

She is very emotionally intelligent, giving, caring, loving. Her family always come first and that's ok because that's what gives her the most joy.

Thanks all for your suggestions. The slipper with the leather base has given me an idea and there's loads of things I'll follow up on.

Thanks for being a caring army of experience, knowledge and ideas. Caring army = carmy!

To the PP that asked about a hospital bed - I'm not sure why they aren't suitable but that's what the OT said. I think it's because she's alone? I watched her today try and lift her bad leg to put a shoe on...she can barely lift it off the ground and that's using both arms and all her strength to lift it. She gets so frustrated. We let her struggle so as not to interfere too early and then when it's too difficult to watch any more we ask if we can help with the shoe.

So a carer calling in at bedtime to lift her legs into bed would be the solution. They could also help with washing, dressing, getting footwear on etc. If carers would not be welcome, will she let family do this for her? Or the OT should be able to provide a leg lifter, if she is strong enough to use it.
People do have profiling beds when they are alone at home, they make it much easier for carers and nurses to do their jobs without causing themselves injury. Authorities can be stingy about giving them out, though!
Respite care in hospice would be an excellent idea.
I would really push for this with all that you have said, OP. Especially re the leg leaking a lot of fluid. MIL may even feel happier there as she would have no need to worry about giving you all a lot of work to do.

@SandunesandRainclouds
Yes, there are practitioners who do manual lymphatic drainage out there, but they cannot do it in cases where the limb is leaking fluid. All that can be done is dressings / bandaging at that stage, unfortunately.

Trumpton - these are the ones I got for mum.

@CMOTDribbler thank you , she is really panicking at the moment . We can’t get her normal pull-ons through the district nurses and although I have ordered some from Amazon these pants might be worth a try . She is tiny , 4ft 7ins and 6st and a bit !

If she was on a water tablet was it for her leg edema or another issue line heart failure or kidney issues? Any slipper socks you could fit on her foot? Men's size might work

MIL asked for help with continence today but as she doesn't have a problem, she doesn't qualify for help at the moment. Shows you how well she's doing all things considered.

Thanks to loads of suggestions we have a few ideas as to slippers for in the house.

I've also checked out the links and will keep researching everything I can.

DH is with her tonight. SIL tomorrow night and MIL's ex will be there on Wednesday.

We'll get through this a day at a time.

for all who have offered top tips. All into the brain bank!

Whom did she ask? This is the sort of thing Macmillan can signpost to.

Did you get any further with a care assessment?

Thinking of you all x

The District Nurse is coming in every day now to change MILs bandages (this is a new development only this week) her legs are releasing lots of fluid. It's good that someone is there daily.
Doctor has agreed water tablets are not good for her to take.
She's still having trouble with her foot dragging, splinting the folding toes to other toes really helped.
We've given up on slippers for the house and instead have managed to put carpet down in kitchen so that she can stay barefoot in her flat.
We've removed (and stored) the bathroom door - hard to explain but the way it was hung meant she had to manoeuvre around it. She's finding it so much easier now and wishes she'd let us do that when we first suggested it!
We've also realised that because she's sleeping in her special chair (approved by Doctor and Nurses/Specialists) that her bed is free so we're going to take it turns staying over.
She has been offered get up and go to bed help but has said no.
What she really needs is help with meals (which you have to pay for here) but she's not willing to do that either.
Her main problem is this dragging leg - everything would be so much easier if we could sort that out. What do you think of this? DH found it online I think it has real potential.

www.neo-g.co.uk/products/865-reflex-afo-drop-foot

DH has to do an emergency visit to his Mum last night. Was really stressful for him. This is when we realised someone should stay over most nights now.

My poor SIL (DH's sister) has just learned that her MIL has cancer too so she's now caring for two people as well as trying to stay ahead in her job and help her DD through school.

The splint MIGHT be ok - it really depends on the integrity of her skin, which does not sound great from what you have said about the fluid leakage. The last thing you want is for the splint to rub, causing further skin damage, potential for infection to get inside, wound unlikely to heal etc. She will still need to hip hitch to lift her foot through, and her gait will not be normal. But the foot will not dangle as far as it currently is doing.
If you can get the splint on over the bandages, then it could make things a little easier, but it won't make her able to walk as normal.
Hope you are looking after yourself, OP. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job.
Still thinking of you all.

What if she wore a slightly platform (flat) shoe on the other foot, then the other foot might be able to skim along a bit easier?

You sound like a lovely family x

Yes, we'll definitely put the splint on over bandages and check for any irritation, infection or damage to the skin. I'm a bit worried that the Velcro won't fit around her leg but we can extend the Velcro

This split has lots of potential benefits; it will stop the door rotating as it drags, it will stop the foot dropping, it will stop the toes from being bent under and it may glide a little as she drags the foot. It's very low profile too.

Thanks for the idea about a platform on one foot, it's hard to explain but that won't work. The foot/leg drags so much it would have to be a 1970s type platform!!

District Nurse today has provided night time pads and mesh pants - so MIL not even going to try getting to toilet.

She's not incontinent it just takes her so long to get to the toilet because of her leg that accidents happen.

Thanks all for checking in and thinking of us.

Best wishes to your MIL, SciFi, and the rest of the family.
I take my hat off to you all for your dedication and the amount you are doing for this very special lady.
Wish I could send you a big box of to give you a sugar hit when you need one!

This thread disappeared from threads I'm on had to search to find it.

MIL is being admitted to hospital. She had a fall yesterday, needed to call for help this morning (when we weren't there) and it took 2 nurses to help her today. She lay on the floor for an hour yesterday before help came. The alarm system had the wrong info so they couldn't access her key in the key safe.
Doctor has told her she needs 2 people coming in 4 times a day as well as having hoists installed. So she has to go to hospital to stay safe and cared for until the package is in place.

Horrible but we are relieved.

Her mobility has drastically worsened again. I think she's going to have to be in the wheelchair full time now.

DH went round after work yesterday and he thought she'd died. She was lying in her special chair and he couldn't rouse her with noise. He had to shake her awake.

DH called me at work and I started crying so they've sent me to her in a taxi!

So sorry SciFi.
This is the tough bit now.
I'm very glad that a professional near you has said x2 carers, and hoists. I was very worried about her walking. A fall was sadly inevitable, with her being such a trier.
Thinking of you.

thinking of you xx

Sadly my darling MIL has been in a hospice now since 18th June. She made it home for 8 days. She had 3 crisis situations in that 8 days.

I don't think she has long left now. The dragging leg thing was horrible...but this is worse.

Sorry to hear this. I remember you thread from months ago and was interested in how things were going as my mil is now in a similar position. Hope things go peacefully for her.

my sympathy to you and your lovely family op for losing this special lady