To ask for help about MIL.

[SciFiScream]

I love my MIL. She's terminally ill. Secondary cancer in four places. We're managing this as best we can with palliative care and the support of a local hospice.

The big problem is her legs, the swelling - one leg in particular she can hardly move.

We have a wheelchair for taking her out but in her home (she's alone) she can barely move due to this bloody leg.

She can't lift her leg, or turn her leg. She's scared of falling.

We're having real problems finding slippers that she can get on and she can move in.

Her feet are so swollen too, she's so incapacitated that she struggles putting them on.

The slippers need to be easy to put on, easy to move in, the sole can't be too thick (as she can't lift her leg). Style is still a bit important too

Help suggest some slippers??? Other solutions??

She got so frustrated today she was crying and my heart broke.

I think a DIY solution is likely to be best, but one thing that springs to mind that might possibly be some use are the glidings discs I've used in pilates. If you Google "pilates gliding discs for carpet", you should see lots of options: I wonder one of those might be useful? You can get ones that slide on hard floors, too.
Hope you find a solution.

If her foot just needs to slide across carpet, would ultra cheap spa slippers work? The sole is very thin, and if you got the open toe ones you can snip them and add a bit of elastic or ribbon tie to make them bigger if necessary. 10 pairs are £4 ish on ebay so they can be chucked when dirty/wet.

The district nurses might be able to try some pressure bandaging to reduce the size of her leg (just like any other lymphoedoema)

Imagine having a leg that's massive, you can't lift it, you can't turn it, you can't bend it. All you can do is drag it, but when you do your toes get pulled underneath.

That's what MIL is dealing with. So she needs to keep her toes straight and be able to drag the foot somehow. So something incredibly low profile and gliding but also big for a swollen foot and easy to put on.

I'm it asking for much am I?

It's really difficult - she needs some grip to reduce falls risk, but she is not strong enough to lift her very heavy leg. I'd be very wary of putting fablon on the sole of anything to make it slippery.
Can she walk differently? - 'hip hitch' to lift her whole leg using muscles in her side, as opposed to bending the knee and bringing leg forwards that way.
Taping the toe to splint it is a good idea, but please keep an eye on the skin - don't want anything to get too tight and cut in.

I'm going to get a chiropodist to come and sort out the taping of the toes. (If we do that) she does like that idea so we're onto a winner there.

I'm making a list of action points and will follow up with DH, today I told him he had to temporarily give up his hobby and visit his Mum at nights more and he's going to. He's only annoyed that I thought of it before he did!

You are all ace. Thanks for reading and thinking. If we could get this bloody leg (trademarking that I think!) sorted out the quality of her life would improve massively. It's keeping her trapped at home.

We've tried explaining the walk differently thing. Will keep trying. She has a Zimmer frame with wheels at the front and tiny slides at the back (I think they are called skies!) so that should helps with the falls risk? She's scared of falling. She has an alarm now for round her neck.

slipper socks?? any cancer charities or hospices nearby? Macmillan etc or on web - maybe they may be able to advice/help? hospices also do outreach not just inhouse care...

If she sometimes can't get to the toilet in time, you really need to address the issue of continence pads. If she wets while she is walking to the toilet, there is a huge risk of a fall in the ensuing puddle. You say she is stubborn about continence care , but if she falls it could be a catastrophe . She really needs to accept continence pads , for comfort and confidence . I"m sure that once she gets over her negative feelings about pads, she'll be grateful for them. Best wishes to you xx

I understand why you are asking about slippers that will glide but won't that mean she could slip over far more easily?

From that lovely text to you it sounds like your DMIL is making sure she leaves nothing unsaid. I hope you are doing the same. You sound like you have a lovely relationship.

My husband had lymphoma towards the end of his life. His cancer had spreed just about everywhere and was probably in his lymphatic system as well.
I hate to tell you but even if you found something that would fit over the swollen limb it will make very little difference in mobility. Just to warn you the swollen limb can start leaking lymphatic fluid and it can be truly horrific the amount of fluid that come out.
If she is under the care of the hospice you should have a number to ring. Ring the number and explain what is happening and they will be able to get the relevant person to get in touch. Probably the district nurse.
Sounds very much like she is getting to the stage where she needs more care and might need a care package from the hospice at home team.

I'm no help op but I just wanted to say you sound like a wonderful daughter in law

There's already fluid leaking out of her legs. Sometimes her legs are soaking.

She wears sanitary pads. Her accidents are not full accidents.

I've suggested she gets continence pads but she doesn't like the really puffy ones. I've tried suggesting the bigger pads or a service.

She's managing it herself at the moment.

Crochet or knit socks/slippers might glide depending on the finish of the lino. A sole could be put only on the bottom of the good one and insoles in both.

I would offer to crochet them but the sizing would probably need to be so specific that it would be hard to do without seeing her feet and getting the right measurements, and I'm not sure DS would give me the time.

Is there a local knit and natter or dedicated yarn shop nearby that you could contact, and see if they could help?

Tena lady are fab (I'm 40 and have bladder issues since childbirth) they soak up much better than sanitary pads as designed for wee. Also check out period pants. I brought some from cheeky wipes because of urine leakage

www.tena.co.uk/tenalady/products/free-sample?ppc=0&&gclid=CjwKCAjwwtTmBRBqEiwA-b6c_5-kV_YH5a4aaKw1txWHyTBv9mKdZzXo7h5Xv2bDlQ--66gj-L6uBBoCocoQAvD_BwE

I was reluctant but friend brought me them and left them at mine so I tried the

www.lymphoedema.org

I know that she and you all might not be ready for it, but from reading all of the above, I just can't tell you how much she and you all would benefit from specialist palliative care.

Her lymphoedema is severe and some specialist input from physio and OT for the leaking fluid and the swelling may improve her mobility.

There is no 'hidden message' in being referred to palliative care or hospice, in fact there is really good research to show that early input helps people feel better physically and emotionally and can even help them live longer and with better quality of life. She might even just need focused intervention for the leg and then be discharged for a period of time.

Good luck with everything

Tens Lady discreet are fab. Sanitary towel size but better absorbency as noted when I was very pregnant and postnatal.

Also my nan used to have one of these. Depending on any budget you might have there are some lovely options:
www.completecareshop.co.uk/toileting-aids/commode-chairs/comfort-commode-chair

I'm so sorry I just saw that you are linked with pall care. Ask about lymphoedema support.

I’m off too Google but I’m pretty sure there’s a specialist / specific lymph drainage massage that she might find beneficial...

Something like this, www.etsy.com/uk/listing/642339606/felted-slippers-for-women-excellent-home?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=felt+slippers&ref=sc_gallery-1-1&plkey=cd6e48f42eac8eb05c7b86ab684965cd8a50ac8a%3A642339606&frs=1

Or this, www.etsy.com/uk/listing/39193740/elf-shoes-felted-wool-elf-slippers?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=felt+slippers&ref=sc_gallery-1-14&plkey=9101b5da6289c726be19a20bb7245e7f7996701e%3A39193740&col=1

Or this, www.etsy.com/uk/listing/503425316/felted-slippers-felt-house-slippers?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=felt+slippers&ref=sc_gallery-3-8&plkey=17f782d596fb501019a4bc04f3f2c2973cd2161a%3A503425316&pro=1

All of them are felt so should slide a bit?

My mum had continence issues and an aversion to pads. We had much more success with the all in one pull ups as they felt more like knickers.

You’re an amazing daughter in law, she must be so pleased her son chose you. 💐

On the incontinence issue, my mum needs more than a Tena Lady at night, but refused the larger disposable pants. I found some reusable incontinence pants on Amazon which she has accepted and which are absorbent enough. They weren't very much, so worth a try as also more dignified

place marking as DM has issues with swollen feet (and mobility....and continence)

OP sending you for when they're needed