Trying to get as much info here as I can do not to drop feed. Also nc because this can be outing, apologies if it a long read.
My DSis and her ExDP (I'll call him John) have one DC together, they were together for around 4/5 years. He's quite a bit older than DSis (she's in her 20s and he's in his 40s). After a house they planned to move into fell through my DSis and John moved into my parents with their DS. Also living there was my DSis best friend (I'll call her Sarah) who has lived there as a lodger for years, pays rent and she has become part of the family. My DM has now chosen to separate from my DF, I don't know why but after 30 years of marriage she's decided to split with him. My DF is heartbroken, now on antidepressants and sleeping on the sofa.
My parents then decided to put their house on the market so that they can do their separate ways.
A couple of weeks ago, completely out the blue my DSis finished with John. He was devastated. Dsis then started sleeping in my DMs room with her.
Since then my DM and John have become really close. John was always quite close in our family anyway and I saw him as another older brother (I have an older DB anyway). Since the house was up for sale and two couples have no split the plan was for DF to get his own place, DM and Sarah to get their own place, DSis and her DS to get her own and John to get his own.
The next thing I know DM, Sarah and John are all loving in together. I didn't think too much of it because Sarah would be there too as it would be strange for DM to move in with her exSIL by herself, but I did have my concerns.
The other day I received a message from DF who has highlighted some concerns (the same kind of concerns that I was having) he mentioned how my DM (50) is going through a lot and she's vulnerable aswell as menopausal and he believes John is taking advantage of this. They are both becoming closer. I unfortunately addressed my concerns to my DM earlier which resulted in minor argument. DSis housing application was declined (reasons are not relavent to this thread) I mentioned to my DM that DSis May have to move in with her if she is unable to get a house of her own. DM then replied that she can't as John will be living there, I then explained that he can get his own place so DSis can live with out DM, obviously she doesn't want to live with him anymore as they're no longer a couple. DM got quite defensive and said he's going to be paying her rent which DSis can't do and she needs the money. I explained that her daughter should come first and she just said John is living with her, end of!
She then rang me back a few minutes later and explained that she wants him there as mentally he is helping her and he is her best friend. My DSis, DF and Sarah all think my DM has feelings for John, which I mentioned on the phone to her and said that if anything were to happen it would be really disrespectful on DSis. After a few moments silence she replied saying he's just her best friend, and if anything ever happened in the future so what, my DSis will find someone else and move on and she can make her own decisions. She then said she wished everyone would just leave her alone. She was getting quite upset and I wasn't getting through to her so I ended the conversation there.
DF then messaged me because he's worried as DM isn't acting like herself and he's right, she isn't. This isn't her. She's usually kind, loving, thoughtful. But my DF told me that Sarah saw a side to John that worried her and she tried speaking to my DM about it and DM basically kicked her out. Sarah is now living back with her mum and the morning she left my DM has told her to delete all contact from the family. Sarah had been living there for years.
We are all concerned about my DM and her actions, she is pushing away people that love her and I think John is playing a massive part in it. He's interfered with my parents, thing my DF has spoken to him about in confidence he has gone and told DM all the bad things painting a picture of my dad being a lot worse then he is.
Finally in terms of John paying DM rent in the new house I don't see how he would because my DM gives HIM money.
I don't even know if there is more to add or not. My mind is just frazzled! It's really getting me down, my whole family is falling apart and I hate it.
What do you think of this?