To have a 5th child

[Flowerflow]

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

Well as much as I personally think two is plenty, as the fifth child myself, I'm jolly glad the planet wasn't a concern when I was born as my mother is exactly the sort who would have put the planet before expanding her family

Op ask advice from your close circle of friends and family. This thread has showed a huge resentment from posters for some reason and Lot of undeserved judgement. It’s quire redicukous.

You are young enough to have healthy kids. People are jealous because your circumstances aren’t common. Don’t take advice from here

I would have hated sharing a room with my brother more than words can express.

My DSes shared until they were 4 & 7, and then we moved. They are so happy to have their own rooms (having never complained before), especially DS2 who needs his own space without an overbearing brother in it.

So whilst it may not be necessary to have a room each (i.e. it won't kill you) it is a nice to have, especially if the house isn't big enough for other spaces to be commandeered (e.g. a 2nd sitting room/conservatory/playroom etc.).

My DSes need me more and more as they're getting older - which quite surprised me.

’m just desperately hoping the middle class right of passage of having 3 kids whilst virtuously filling your kitchen with recycling bins will end soon

Aptly put.

Wow! I know this is AIBU but I can't get over some of the responses.

It's a tough one OP. I think I posted a similar question a year or two ago and, to be fair, I realised that when the posters didn't know me or my life or children or circumstances, its a difficult question to advise on.
People have completely different levels of resilience - I know a woman with 7 children who takes it all in her stride and I know another who openly admits her 1 child has broken her and she is exhausted. It's hard to know what to say without knowing you. You know you're own limits.

I have 3 by the way and am currently pregnant with number 4.
I'm sure there's plenty who take I'm insane. It took a long time for me to come to the decision (my youngest is almost 8!) and I over-thought the absolute shit out of it. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm very very happy with our decision.
Our children are ecstatic.

I'm going to come from a very different perspective to many on here: I'm not very convinced that having more children impacts negatively on the current children as some have implied.
I am an only child.
I can't tell you how much I hate being an only child. Its worse since I've gotten older. My parents are my responsibility (well my mum is, my dads dead now): my sole responsibility.
My gran recently had a stroke and its been awful, but its also been lovely to see how her 9 children have pulled together to support each other practically and emotionally (and share the financial burden) in relation to her care.
When my mum is elderly, I will take care of her as needed but it would be lovely to have someone share the responsibility.
When my dad died, there was no one who 'got it', there was no one to share the grieving process with.
I feel very alone as an only child.
Even now - even though I'm a big and bold 33 year old woman.
In those extended family arguments, there's no one in my corner.
You're forever alone (well until your own children are adults, I suppose).
I could sit here and go on and on and I understand that I clearly have issues but I love that my children will never experience these things that I've experienced.
Obviously, when they're older two of them may just not get on, but there will always be another sibling to turn to.

I think large families are gorgeous and I envy them and now I have one of my own.

We'll see how life with 4 is first obviously but we have certainly not ruled out a 5th.

Go with your gut, I reckon.

The best of luck to you

**your own limits

I didn't know having 3 children was a middle class right of passage.

OP, only you can decide based on your family's circumstances. I'd never really thought of the environmental impact of having children and it certainly wouldn't have been at the forefront of my mind when deciding. There are so many things to be taken into account. My third wasn't exactly planned but in my shock and surprise the planet wasn't considered. We are veggie, recycle as much as our council allow, don't have a car, walk most places locally and use the train when going further afield. Our carbon footprint is less than half that of my exH with his 2 cars, driving everywhere, eating meat and lots of take aways 🤷🏼‍♀️

People just assume every child they have will be healthy and stay healthy and 'slot right in'.

I love the faux sanctimonious virtue signalling on here. Would love to see the carbon footprint of the people lambasting the OP for her selfish attitude towards the environment.

Why faux?

Hi op, decision is truly yours and dhs!
I get the comments about the planet and I do agree to an extent, its OK saying one more won't do any harm, but if everybody had that same thought....
But at the end of the day you got to go for what you want!
Would adoption be an option? Not for everybody I know, but could be worth considering.
Good luck with your decision!

Before people bang on about the planet and how OPs child is the end of the world how about we focus on the mass pollution in China? The factories that emit more emissions than any poxy TV left on standby? The farming industry compared to a handful of people being vegan? The list is endless!
OP have your 5th child, they aren't going to send the world into oblivion I'm sure of it

I'd ignore the people impressionable ethical enough to stop reproducing because they think it will offset the power station a given Asian country started running on that day.

What do you think these Asian power stations are actually doing? Have you considered that they're using power to run factories that make prams, cots, toys, etc and all the crap that each and every Western baby will use?

I love the faux sanctimonious virtue signalling on here. Would love to see the carbon footprint of the people lambasting the OP for her selfish attitude towards the environment.

Well, we know that she has produced 5 children and the average British woman has produced 1.7.

What assumptions are you making about the OP's behaviour (and that of her future offspring), that bring her footprint back down to size?

Before people bang on about the planet and how OPs child is the end of the world how about we focus on the mass pollution in China? The factories that emit more emissions than any poxy TV left on standby? The farming industry compared to a handful of people being vegan? The list is endless!

So to repeat my previous post:

What do you think these Asian power stations are actually doing? Have you considered that they're using power to run factories that make prams, cots, toys, etc and all the crap that each and every Western baby will use?

And as for people saying OP has already had more than enough children, how about forced sterilizing those who have child after child taken off them by social services who end up with nearly 7+ all in care?! Or neutering the males that go around shagging anything with a pulse, procreating and then moving on to the next poor woman to open her legs, yet creating more?!
No you lot just want to focus on a normal woman wanting to extend her family.

What better justification could there be?! We are heading towards total planetary meltdown in OP’s lifetime, never mind those of her children. no were not

@Alaskan well charging £600 odd quid for a travel system these days to fund these factories is ridiculous, buy second hand!
It's a no brainer.
Also when you have multiple children atleast the stuff bought is well used time and time again, instead of just once.

Misspolly - excellent idea indeed

You’re confident your older children wouldn’t be negatively impacted because they weren’t with child 4.

If child 5 has a serious mental and or physical disability, or the pregnancy gives you life long complications, will that still be true?

Bit surprised at the responses of don't have another child to save the planet. Aye cause that always stops someone who wants a baby 🤣

Op. Go with your heart, your kids will adjust. But only do it if you're very sure. As wonderful as kids are, they are also disruptive, costly and hard work. Personally I'd rather eat my own liver than have five kids but then we are all different.

You do you.

Air miles and recycling aside, just yesterday the on going shortage of GPs was in the news.
We have a shortage of school places, hospital beds, doctors etc etc because there are too many people.
Yabu for a while host of reasons not least your personal circumstances.

I want to be able to offer financial support for mine to buy houses, go to university etc. Personally, I would struggle to do that with the number of DC that you have, but if that’s not a consideration/ issue for you OP, then go for it

how about forced sterilizing those who have child after child taken off them by social services who end up with nearly 7+ all in care?!

Actually, when they were discussing this last week as a result of some campaign, my exact thoughts were give them an inplant or the coil (although not forcefully of course!).

Why faux?

Because that is what most of this outrage is, fake, the way everyone piled in on the OP in order to advertise their environmental credentials is laughable as well as hypocritical. I can have x amount of kids but any more is pure selfishness! I am sure all those criticising the OP take no foreign holiday, buy no cheap clothes or electrical goods from the far east, consume drink and food that is sourced locally and walk everywhere.

I can't believe people wouldn't consider the state of the planet or understand that the least environmentally friendly thing you could do is have a fifth bloody kid! No wonder we are where we are. It's going to be a rude awakening to some people if we push the environment we depend on to collapse.