To have a 5th child

[Flowerflow]

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

Unless you are massively broody ,then dont even consider it !.Apart from the enviromental position that others have posted on here .4 healthy children are a blessing 4 times over!.The thought of sleepless nights and so on isnt very fair to the older ones TBH.That said Jules Oliver and Tana Ramsey seem to manage ok (probably Nannies and so on)Jacob Rees Mogg for example!.Your husband seems keen but hes not the one giving birth here is he?!

You people have been brainwashed with propaganda about an overpopulated world when in reality we need more babies because we have a bigger ageing population. Who is going to support them?

And then who's going to support the babies when they're elderly?

Why do people not think this one through?

bigKiteFlying my parent’s unexpectedly fell pregnant again when I was 10 years old, I’m not going to say my sister wasn’t a welcomed surprise for all of us, she is fantastic. What wasn’t so fantastic was living in a 3 bed house with an older brother. It meant that from aged 10 to aged 17 when my brother finished uni and moved out, I had to share my bedroom with a toddler or primary aged child. It just didn’t really work.

As a result I think unless you can afford to give your children a bedroom each you can’t really afford them.

ElektraLOL

You people have been brainwashed with propaganda about an overpopulated world when in reality we need more babies because we have a bigger ageing population. Who is going to support them?

We have a bigger ageing population due to overpopulation. Breeding more, in order to take care of them, is not the answer.

Birth rates are declining largely due to better access and range of contraception, greater numbers of women in work and education and much better outcomes for babies - better healthcare, vaccinations etc meaning women can have fewer children as they’re more likely to make it to adulthood.

I think we are a way off climate awareness being a reason for people to have fewer children. People by and large can’t even bring themselves to reduce meat consumption, drive less, take fewer foreign holidays etc which are much smaller/easier decisions than family size or whether or not to even reproduce at all.

Would you be able to financially help your children if any of them want to go to university?

Birth rates are declining largely due to better access and range of contraception, greater numbers of women in work and education and much better outcomes for babies - better healthcare, vaccinations etc meaning women can have fewer children as they’re more likely to make it to adulthood.

The contraception is pushed by quangos largely because of poverty/overpopulation.

If you post on AIBU you can expect rudeness and for people to say things they might not say to your face

Like others, I think it's immoral to have five children. I think you don't sound in an ideal position to do so either. So yes YABVVU

Well you're young enough to have time to have another one if you really want but it sounds like things could be crowded at your house unless you move.

Plus you've obviously been a mum since a pretty young age (21?) I would start trying to enjoy a bit more freedom and independence now your youngest is getting a bit older and presumably going to school. Perhaps it's the thought of not being occupied all day making you think this way. Do you work?

I say all this as someone who has needed IVF to have DS and currently in the middle of a last ditch attempt for a sibling. You're very blessed to have four as it is 😊

It might be totally off the topic to ask this question but... Will you consider adoption...? I enjoy motherhood and genuinely love being with children so would love to have had more than one. I would look into adoption if we were very sure about our financial ability.

My father adopted a child so I have a brother - he was born disabled but now financially independent due to my parents' support. My sister also looked into the possibility of adoption but it was because she had enough of failed IVF. It's a choice many people consider more than you may think.

Obviously, someone else's family planning is none of my business though... Good luck with your decision. Hope you'll reach a happy conclusion.

As a result I think unless you can afford to give your children a bedroom each you can’t really afford them.

Fair enough but that's a personal opinion not a universal accepted cultural view point.

I'm thrilled I can give my DC a room each - we never expected to be able to do that - not with house prices what they are. Before we moved here and got 4 bed the girls loved sharing – the age gap is nearer 3 years – and it worked well and we still manged to provide a good standard of living for them.

I have 5 and considering a 6th before I get sterilised. If you both want one more then go for it. Big family's are great 👍🏼

I’m surprised when anyone has a third child let alone a 4th.
5th is just madness.

In this age I don’t have much respect for people who have more than two and it seems to happen to the women who don’t want a career so choose to have more children to justify it.

Im 😲 at the responses! Only on mumsnet!

Sausageroll - within my circles, people are doing more and more to look after the environment, certainly far far more than m parents generation, and I expect my children will also do more. From eating less meat, to consciously only having one or two children, to holidaying in England, recycling etc it wouldn't have crossed my mother's mind.

I realise this and it's a good thing that people are more aware of it now. I'm sure your Mother was like virtually all people of her generation in this never crossing her mind. I have no problem with that. I very much doubt that she went around criticising other people for having the same mindset as her, though.

You can hardly blame someone who's 90 for having more than 2 kids, can you?

They were talking about this a long, long time ago, though - long before it became a matter of public concern. Prince Philip is on record as having said that, if possible, he would like to be reincarnated as a virus which would kill millions of people and massively bring the population down. However, I can't find the link anywhere for a quote where he states that, in hindsight, he now regrets having been (jointly) a big part of the problem himself in doubling the population of his own family in just one generation.

We need to be careful with simplifying the overpopulation problem.
Global trends show that fertility rates decline as infant mortality declines. UK fertility rate, for instance, has halved since 1950. In countries where child mortality remains high, like Niger, fertility rates remain high.
In many European countries, like Italy, fertility rates are now too low to be economically sustainable. This is because we are all living longer.
We can not get away from the fact that we just don't die like we used to, in particular our children.
This is going to have massive implications for the structure of society, and in particular the notion of retirement.

Logan's Run, anyone? Or perhaps the anti vaxers will be our blessing in disguise re. Child mortality?

It’s up to you of course and I’ve nothing against those with large families, but consider the impact of another child on the ones you have already.
It’s hard to give that many children the focus and attention they need.
They should have help with their homework, guidance, nurturing, attention and just time spent with them to help them achieve their potential in life.
What if they’re having emotional difficulties and need extra support?
It will be hard to meet all their needs.

Enjoy ur 5th child! If you are able to do it. Consult your kids too.

I think it's a wonderful idea, if your family is ready to grow!

As for the pregnancy, well this isn't your first time around so you are in the best position to judge that.

I'd ignore the people impressionable ethical enough to stop reproducing because they think it will offset the power station a given Asian country started running on that day.

If you can afford it, go for it

I've heard it all now: if you can't give your children their own room then you can't afford to have them

Haven't read the full thread only the first few comments but wtf if you want another child have one. Christ

I have 5 children OP so will Offer some practical advice. I am not going to go into the environmental impact as it has been discussed here.

1. I do not agree with the fact that teenagers need their own bedroom. We have suggested to ours that we move to a bigger house to give them all their own rooms and they have all declined. Sharing has great benefits and they all enjoy it.

2. “the baby” is very much loved by his siblings. He is 5 now.

3. they are patient and supportive of one another. There are very few arguments between them.

4. the 5th child exhausted me emotionally. He was a terrible sleeper from day one and at that point I felt that I had bit off more than I could chew

5. now they are at the age of clubs and interests and my life is ridiculous. I work full time as does my DH but he works nights meaning that we have no time together. The evenings are spent running the children around to clubs. I can have one finishing dance at 7 and another need picking up in the next town at 7. Weekends are worse as we have no family help so between DH and I, we race between towns to get them to where they need to be.

We try to ensure that they don’t suffer from the large family but it is largely at our expense. I don’t know how we are doing it and I wouldn’t change them for the world but still........

I wanted another (I have 2) in a head says no but my heart says yes kind of way. My DH said no more. I had to grieve that 3rd child a bit. It was hard to stop having babies for me. I feel from your post that this is how you feel. It's at a logical point for you to stop having kids. You would have to change your life significantly (moving house) to accommodate another.

A few years down the road, I am so glad we didn't have another. One of my children started an expensive hobby and we can accommodate it, we will be able to send them to uni if they choose to go, I have lots of time for both to help with homework. So we as a family gained money and time.

My grandparents had 6 and there are nearly a hundred descendants now. I honestly have nearly no bond with that side of the family because there are so many of us. On the other side my grandparents had 2 and we are close to that side because we can actually get to know each other. So there is that, too.

No. As pp have said the planet is at tipping point. You and DP have already had two too many kids to simply maintain the planets population.

Every further child you have takes away from those already here. It sounds like you would financially struggle, need to move the kids away, you have identified yourself that there would be difficulties giving all kids opportunities.

Tell your DP to go prove his manhood some other way than over populating the planet.

I’m just desperately hoping the middle class right of passage of having 3 kids whilst virtuously filling your kitchen with recycling bins will end soon