To have a 5th child

[Flowerflow]

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

My sister has 5. All much loved, all cared for... but she confided to me that if she had it to do over she would have stopped at 3 because once they all get to their teens it is even more stressful, expensive and chaotic. Also, the planet. YABVU.

once they all get to their teens it is even more stressful, expensive and chaotic

I think many people who have/want a large family don't feel it until they are teens, when they become very expensive, need a lot of time and space.

ur womb ur rules hun x dont worry about the planet lol we can just move to another one lol x

Unbelievable statement ..... hun!

^^
Those was exactly her thoughts Freudian.

Were

ur womb ur rules hun x dont worry about the planet lol we can just move to another one lol x

Very worrying that I share this beautiful planet with utter planks like you

Hmm it sounds like your life is pretty good as it is. I wouldn’t rock the boat. With every pregnancy you risk birth injuries, incontinence, prolapse, abdominal separation etc (are these risks higher after 4 babies already? Not sure). Plus with every baby there is a chance they will have health issues or a challenging personality and make your life much harder. And the youngest child might always get left out by siblings if they’re 6+ years younger.

ur womb ur rules hun x dont worry about the planet lol we can just move to another one lol

Jesus Christ. We truly are fucked aren't we?

That cannot be a real statement. Got to be a pisstake.

This thread has just confirmed to me how completely hopeless the situation is. We're past the point of stopping the adverse effects of climate change. All we can do now is try to avoid the worst case scenario. In order to do this, we'd need to make some huge changes to our way of living and this would require a great deal of sacrifice. Recycling and taking the bus instesd of driving won't cut it.

Yet some think it's unreasonable to say that someone who already has four children should probably not bring another consumer into the world. Because babies are cute and big families are great fun. It seems the vast majority of people will clearly never willingly make the lifestlye sacrifices required to turn things around and any government who tried to force them would be very unpopular.

I feel much the same as above. We are in a doomed situation with more and more humans using this planets resources without any concern for the future. Well sure have that 5th kid but if we keep going the way we are that 5th kid is going to be living in very harsh over populated conditions.

I’m beginning to believe that 2 is the optimum number. Replace the parents when they pass on but with those that choose not to have any or just one we’d have a gradually decreasing population that should be manageable

I took it to be a pisstake.
Well, I took it to be a 'hilarious' ironic statement because obviously all womem with more than two children are illiterate, chavvy idiots and deserve to be adressed in the only vernacular they understand

But then I've been awake for twenty seven hours so may be way off beam.....

I know people with 5 kids - it’s super expensive (and chaotic!) - can you cope with the financial strain? My grandma had 10 kids (and a few miscarriages) but this was back in the day. I do think your husband might be pushing you into this...

I know someone who had 2 dc, got a HA flat in a very sought after area and went onto have 4 dc fairly quickly afterwards. She found it a doddle when they were young but the oldest two are now teens and she is in deep depression because of the stress that she is under with them. She has 5 dc between a single and box bedroom, they have nowhere to study/do homework, she cannot afford to move and the children are very, very resentful. She has been offered HA houses but turns them down as they are in housing estates which she desn't want. She loves them but very much regrets her choice to bring so many children into the world when she couldn't adequately house them.

I think that’s exactly how it was meant crushed

*I justdo.not.understand.this.

Have you considered the distinctly perilous state of our food supply chains? Antibiotic resistance? Rising sea levels, low-lying lands at risk of going under? Declining biodiversity? The plight of bees?
Deforestation?

Having more kids so we can you know, make sure we have enough people to look after the seniors, isfucking madness.*

A society needs money to pay for its needs. That requires people to be paying taxes. This isn't some vague nothing point, if we ignore it people will suffer and die as a consequence.

It needs economic, intellectual and physical power to effect environmental changes, both in terms of treaties/legislation and practical efforts.

The net effect of dwindling away on purpose would be our society's descendants finding themselves in the same situation environmentally speaking, with less influence on the future they inhabit and serious financial problems, to boot.

Freudianslip1

Well thats unsurprising isn't it?
Five children are costly, five children will mean you need to have a lucrative career and even then you will need to fit in overtime to support them all adequately.
Nobody should have a large family without the resources to provide for them.
I have just finished a locum night shift in addition to my regular hours and ferried them to school on my return.
I'm off to bed shortly but I'll be up for the school run and back to my regular job in the morning.
I work sixty hour weeks compressed in to four days to adequately provide for my family and still have time to enjoy them.
You can't have a larger family on a shoestring budget and/or rely on benefits. Its unsustainable and it will make you miserable.

Not everybody with five children as as myopic as your friend.

I'm sure her children are much loved, but at what cost to her own mental health?

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis thank you, I thought I'd become overly tetchy from sleep deprivation for a moment there

But nobody should have any children if they can’t provide for them, surely?
People on this thread seem to be under the impression it’s impossible to care for five children adequately rather than its dependent on ability, wealth, etc

I feel guilty enough about the two kids I had 18 and 15 years ago. I also feel furious that we weren't told enough about global warming back then. If I had known we were headed for global meltdown, I would not have had any at all.

I can't fathom how prospective parents today don't think about this day and night.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis

I don't think we should pretend that its not exponentially more difficult to care for five children adequatley than it is for two. However I understand your sentiment; its easier for motivated, privileged parenta to care for five than it is for disadvantaged parents to care for two.
Family size isn't the only, or even primary determinant of successful child rearing.
And yes, many contributors to this thread would apparently have us believe that the reverse is true.

However all things being equal, two children is 'easier' than five.
Easiness isn't everything though.
Some people have a more natural aptitude for parenthood in much the same way others have a natural aptitude for mathematics or practical pursuits, or athletics, or kindness, or logic.

friedaklein

Wow. I honestly don't know whether that's amazingly commendable or unutterably sad.

Do what feels right for you @Flowerflow If you can give a loving and happy home to another child then it's a blessing to you and them.

What do your existing children think? Are they up for another round of having a crying baby in the already cramped house?

TBH I don't think its reasonable from an environmental emergency point of view to have 5 children.

I feel guilty enough about the two kids I had 18 and 15 years ago. I also feel furious that we weren't told enough about global warming back then. If I had known we were headed for global meltdown, I would not have had any at all.

I hear you, friedaklein. My DS is the light of my life, the best thing I've ever done, and I'd do anything to protect him. And I realise the kind of future we have doomed him to, and imagine him living in a deteriorating world, where his newsfeed is a constant rollcall of each animal that has become extinct (although extinctions happen all the time at a frightening rate and don't get reported, when the last elephant dies it'll be on the news) and the latest weather crisis or war or famine or drought or flooding, and then society's infrastruture won't be able to support such concepts as newsfeeds... and I feel so guilty that I've brought him here at all.

So it's either Carousel or Soilent Green.