To have a 5th child

[Flowerflow]

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

I don't see how having a baby will not take some attention from your others.
I have found my dd needs me more again as a teen. They shouldn't have to rely on other siblings for attention.

if you read my PPs on what people should be focusing on then it wouldn't make a difference if everyone had more than 4 kids.

There's no point dilly dallying around "well if we focused on this or that, it wouldn't matter if everyone had 4 children..." because point is, that's not our world today. Would be nice but it's something you want, not reality. Reality is that it does matter whether everyone has four children or not...so that's irrelevant really.

MissPolly, if people want to bring children into what I think is a shit world that is up to them but to have large families is selfish and really pretty stupid.

The UK already has enough problems because it is too crowded - not enough housing, not enough work, schools can't cope, hospitals can't cope, GP surgeries can't cope. If the roads get any more crowded it won;t be long before the country is gridlocked. Just about every journey we ever make takes much longer than it should because of the amount of traffic.

Climate change, water shortages, food shortages - those things alone make me worry about the future. Overpopulation is going to make those things worse and make them happen sooner

Perhaps the OP should change her username to OverFlow.

For every couple with 5 DC, there's another couple with none or one. It all balances itself out in the end.

...is that how you think this works???

Yes.

No I wouldn't op. Enjoy the children that you already have and get a cat or a dog if you want something to 'baby'

@TacoLovers
As I said, let's focus on sterilizing(male/female) those who pop kids out with no intention of parenting, the ones who end up with every child in care and continue to reproduce.

Why is it when someone doesn’t agree with a certain lifestyle someone pops up to say they’re jealous?

I for one am certainly not jealous. I would never want four kids, let alone five. They are not collectibles, they are humans with growing needs.

I think five children is selfish and ridiculous. If I knew you in real life and found you were pregnant with a fifth I’d do the decent thing and say congrats but that would not represent my true feelings. The planet doesn’t need anymore of your descendants. It’s immoral.

I wouldn’t even contemplate having a third child never mind a fifth!!!😂 YABU if you are not sure about pregnancy and you don’t particularly like the baby stage then I wouldn’t be bothered. 4 is plenty imo

I know someone who has had 10 kids. She started at 19 and having kids is all she’s ever known. I think for some people it is a compulsion. I probably wouldn’t have a 5th and concentrate on those that you have.

We don't know you.

I know laidback families who pop out sweet cute babies and then leave children to fend for themselves and share their quarters, reliant on hand-downs. Minimal investment in education, more effort in planning affordable holidays and days out. Kids can just end up watching TV and play consoles all day to be kept quiet and to get through holidays.

I also know large families who are very invested in their kids personal growth, future. It is a lot of time, energy, petrol costs and ££££s, for each child and they only get more expensive with age. You all ready for it?

Well, large family can be anything. You are right, all can be worked through at the end of day - but does having another baby fit in with your personal vision and hopes for your family?

I have two DC, but would have loved to have had six if DH had been up for it. Go for it, OP. For every couple with 5 DC, there's another couple with none or one. It all balances itself out in the end.

Um, how does that balance out? In your example that's at least 5 kids between the 4 adults.

I don't have kids but if I did I would be truly fearful about what the future holds for them.

OP - not many families have 5 children, so not many will understand your position.

I get it. I'm 30+3 with my fifth baby. I'm anxious about lots of things but I know we'll cope. It's actually my first baby with my husband, and he is an absolutely awesome 'step'dad to my four. We do it all ourselves with no help from my parents, or the bio father. DH takes it in his stride.

I do love having babies but I also like watching them grow into older children. My eldest is starting grammar school in September. I'm so proud of all of them.

If you want to and can afford it, then do it x

I think people are sometimes jealous because there are those who would like more children but didn't have them, not because of what Jonathan Porrit says but because they have other things they've decided to spend their money on.

OP can you hand on heart say that you are able ro spend enough/equal quality time with each of your 4 children? Hats off to you if you can.

More or less, yes @TacoLover Though obviously it's a bit tongue in cheek.

Leaving aside the planet, I know several familes with 5+ DC (including one family with eight DC). They are all lovely, happy, stable families (as the OP's seems to be, too) and they encompass all sorts of personalities and different needs. I don't envy them the school fees bills, though.

Sorry - but yes, I think yabu. For all the reasons PPs have laid out above.

Sorry, @tentative3 - I didn't express it quite clearly enough. I was envisaging one family with 5 DC, one couple with 1 DC and one couple with no DC. So six DC between three couples. Which I would have thought would seem kind of reasonable, even to people with planetary concerns.

I only have one child, Op you can have my 'spare'

I'd have loved another but I got ill and DS has got some difficulties that take a lot of time. Also chances were I might have another child (age 41) with similar problems.

Environmentally I think its more about how your whole family look at their resources use. I'd more more concerned about being able to support your teens whilst having a small child. Ditto with adopting/fostering as those kids will have extra needs - maybe not even identified yet. That's a big thing to take on. Likewise you could have a birth child with extra needs.

However, if your whole family thinks its a good idea to have a new person and are realistic about your time/money/attention being split from them...I think that the baby would be lucky to be part of a big and hopefully happy family.

My mum is one of 5, most of them were fairly happy growing up I think. Each family is different, the dynamics and personalities.

We have slave labour, an abortion law in some parts of the world where a woman is imprisoned for life (in some countries even worse!), wars over oil and money, Palestine/Gaza/West bank still not free, apartheid states, imperialism as a whole, nuclear weapons ready to be used at any point, women in third world countries being raped, FGM, LGB communities still under threat - I could go on all day.
But let's face it it's easier to be outraged at a woman on the internet who has every right to have children and use her (and likeminded others) as a scapegoat to why the world's failing.

I think if someone came on aibu to ask if it was OK to use slave labour/nuclear weapons/FGM they'd be flamed as well and more robustly

People clearly, and rightly, think it is unethical to have so many children. If the OP didn't want opinions on a very contentious subject she shouldn't ask for them.

As I said, let's focus on sterilizing(male/female) those who pop kids out with no intention of parenting, the ones who end up with every child in care and continue to reproduce.

Are you being serious? There aren't a lot of families that have huge numbers of children where every child is in care, so I highly doubt there would be many people actually sterilized. Also this policy would never ever happen. People would never support forced sterilization.

Seeing as the vast majority of families do look after their kids, how do you suppose this will reduce overpopulation?

The planet's destruction isn't affected by whether the huge numbers of children being born are in care or in a happy family so I'm confused as to why you think 'well looked after' children can be born to any extent.

I am totally live and let live but as above the planet is on it’s absolute arse.

It won’t be us that suffer but our children certainly will.

It’s everyone’s problem and responsibility.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster

I can have x amount of kids but any more is pure selfishness! I am sure all those criticising the OP take no foreign holiday, buy no cheap clothes or electrical goods from the far east, consume drink and food that is sourced locally and walk everywhere.

I don't ever travel abroad, all my clothes are from charity shops, I don't own a car, I'm vegan, and I only eat organic locally sourced produce.

Am I allowed to comment now?

I really, really wouldn’t. Children need so much help and guidance as they navigate the teenage years and early adulthood. You haven’t even started that phase yet. They also get more expensive. You don’t need to add another child to your family, focus on the children you already have!