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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wondering why the government assumes 12 year olds don’t need childcare?

484 replies

HiddenPineapple · 08/05/2019 06:42

Hi folks,
Looking at Tax Free Childcare and I see it stops when a child turns 12.
www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare
Can I ask what the heck working parents with 12 year olds are expected to do in the summer and why there is so little provision for that tricky bit where they’re pretty independent but you really don’t want them sitting around the house all day on their own?
DS is 12 and it looks like summer care will cost me £125 a week. Normally I’d apply accrued childcare vouchers, but the summer camps are not registered for childcare vouchers. The ones that are registered won’t take him because he’s 12.
Confused

OP posts:
RussianSpamBot · 09/05/2019 11:30

Wengie OP has explained that while she lives in the city, her child's friends are out in the sticks (and believe me sticks in NI is very sticky indeed!) and there isn't the transport for the boys to travel between the two.

wengie · 09/05/2019 11:31

Springwalk should she give up work and stay with her child and wait 6 weeks for universal credit to come through. She won't be able to feed him and then that will be neglect. A lot of what you have posted is unhelpful and scaremongering.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 11:35

What Springwalk said. These threads always bring out the Well, back in the 70s larks. FFS. It's not the 70s anymore. I was there myself, it wasn't a bed of roses, a lot of it sucked.

wengie · 09/05/2019 11:36

RussianSpamBot Sleepover with grandparents/auntie/uncle, sleep over at friends house. She could drop him off one evening and pick them up the next evening. She is in a dilemma so she has to mix it up with him being at home and arranging sleep overs or a day a club once a week.

RussianSpamBot · 09/05/2019 11:37

Where has OP told us these things would be possible? I'm not saying they are or arent but you can't just assume.

wengie · 09/05/2019 11:38

bamboofibre true but there are some things you can take from it. They are alive to tell the tale and so are you.

Yokohamajojo · 09/05/2019 11:38

I find this thread bizarre, my oldest DS is 12 and can be left on his own and is sensible, I still wouldn't want him to be on his own all summer. He goes out with his friends on a Saturday and already I have doubts about a few of his friends, he has already said he was going one place and then followed the others to somewhere completely different without calling me to ask! Not blaming his friends but it illustrates how irresponsible and non-parenting it is to expect a bunch of 12 year olds to run around unsupervised a whole summer. We live in London as well and knife crime, gangs and violence is real concerns! Luckily we can sort our summers out with sports camps, husband working from home and combined holiday. We also have 6 weeks rather than 8 weeks.

isabellerossignol · 09/05/2019 11:41

Does she live out in the sticks somewhere where there is lots of sheep and cows.

You say that as if it's somehow unbelievable that anyone lives in such a place, that it's simply not believable.

If you chose a random address in N Ireland and then googled how to get there by bus I think most people in the rest of the UK would be shocked to see how often there just isn't a public transport option, or certainly not one that is practical.

wengie · 09/05/2019 11:43

RussianSpamBot they are not assumptions they are possibilities that she could think about if she don't want to leave her kid at home alone for to long. If she cant organise something then she has no choice its either she leaves him at home alone which people see as neglect or she gives up job and struggles to feed her son until she receives UC.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 11:47

They are alive to tell the tale and so are you.

Yes, that's evidence of how great it all was Hmm. We were nigh on neglected and many, many didn't survive as a result, or were bullied horrifically, raped or sexually abused, got into horrible accidents. Because 12-year-olds, being children, don't have a lot of sense. If she were suggesting leaving him overnight she could be looking at problems with the law, so why's it different during the day.

isabellerossignol · 09/05/2019 11:50

She could 'consider' them but if she has no grandparents or aunts and uncles who can or will oblige then she can't act on it, so it's not a solution.

wengie · 09/05/2019 11:53

I understand the op's situation now just to answer your question bamboo its probably incase they stop breathing I never understood that concept. All the horrific things you have mentioned still happens today look at what happened in Rotherham and even where I'm from Oxfordshire. I'm guessing she is a single parent what can she do?

RussianSpamBot · 09/05/2019 11:58

They are assumptions. For example you have no evidence of any aunts, uncles or grandparents living locally, willing to take DS and presumably around during the day since there's no point him being alone in a relative's home rather than his own. So when you said OP could drop him off one night then pick him up, that was an assumption.

And yes, the fact that OP has to either leave her son at home alone or organise an alternative is kind of her point...

Springwalk · 09/05/2019 12:04

Some of the most damaged, broken and distressed now adults survived to tell the tale but what has it done to them? You try walking in their shoes for a day and see if they feel the same way about it as you do.

You may have survived to tell the tale wengie well done you. How can you be so sure your children will be so lucky?? Just because you happened to have a few lucky breaks.

I think most of us Wengie, are striving beyond just getting our kids to the finishing line. Some of us are striving for well balanced, supported, educated young adults, ones that do not have to endure gang culture, rape, drugs, drink and the dark side of life at twelve.

Your attitude is so complacent it is almost frightening.

And what if something happens to your dc, and you could have prevented it by being around more/organising supervision etc. How will that play out for you?

Turfaccountant · 09/05/2019 12:06

Im a childminder, one of my mindees is 15. He comes to me 2 days a week before and after school and in the holidays. His mum works 12 hour shifts with an hours drive either end. 14 hrs alone is just too much for him. It would be lovely if his Mum got a little help with my fees.

wengie · 09/05/2019 12:09

She could have no family they could all be dead I was listing from the top of my head as many suggestions as possible if they are possible to happen. Are you bored do you normally answer for other people on threads. Do you know the op personally to have an answer to what I posted.

Tunnockswafer · 09/05/2019 12:20

To be fair in NI there must be church groups for teens/tweens in the summer, even if it’s not something you’d normally do. I would have thought you’d be tripping over them.

wengie · 09/05/2019 12:21

Hold on I'm 35 my partner is 55 he is the one who talks about those days. I'm a SAHM so I don't need to worry and I have 4 children so I know the oldest could look after the youngest. My oldest being 15 by the way. My partners mum was a single mother she struggled to bring up 5 kids on her own she started relationships with men to ease the blow and they beat the shit out of her. Today women have a choice to be single and don't need have to put up with abusive men because of benefits. Back then and today isn't different but today there is more choice. Hold on there is another difference the cane is gone and the police don't beat up black people anymore. But yet my partner still remembers all the good times he spent with his good friends.

And what if something happens to your dc, and you could have prevented it by being around more/organising supervision etc. How will that play out for you?

The op has planned fuck all by the sounds of it everything is out of reach. I bet she hasn't even saved money to leave him in sports clubs.

Springwalk · 09/05/2019 12:21

wengie You never answer the questions do you? You spend the whole time making excuses for poor parenting.

Springwalk · 09/05/2019 12:22

op has planned fuck all by the sounds of it everything is out of reach. I bet she hasn't even saved money to leave him in sports clubs

Well isn't that supportive? What a delight you are Wengie.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 12:23

If you're not married, wengie, unless you're independently wealthy, you are making yourself as financially vulnerable as the OP by staying at home.

wengie · 09/05/2019 12:23

The op hasn't planned nothing to do with me.

isabellerossignol · 09/05/2019 12:27

To be fair in NI there must be church groups for teens/tweens in the summer, even if it’s not something you’d normally do. I would have thought you’d be tripping over them.

There are bit they're in the evening.

isabellerossignol · 09/05/2019 12:31

And they don't tend to cater for 12 year olds anyway.

Tunnockswafer · 09/05/2019 12:33

Ah thanks, been a while since I lived there but I remember 5 day clubs in the summer - probably didn’t want to go at 12 though!

The OP hasn’t saved? What on earth do you think she was doing by buying childcare vouchers?