AIBU for wondering why the government assumes 12 year olds don’t need childcare?

[HiddenPineapple]

Hi folks,
Looking at Tax Free Childcare and I see it stops when a child turns 12.
www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare
Can I ask what the heck working parents with 12 year olds are expected to do in the summer and why there is so little provision for that tricky bit where they’re pretty independent but you really don’t want them sitting around the house all day on their own?
DS is 12 and it looks like summer care will cost me £125 a week. Normally I’d apply accrued childcare vouchers, but the summer camps are not registered for childcare vouchers. The ones that are registered won’t take him because he’s 12.

boggles when does a ‘good’ 12 year old tip over into a ‘bad’ 12 year old? Do they even get to make the choice given what they could be exposed to?

Would you choose to put your child at risk of grooming, early use of drugs and alcohol, internet addiction, bad eating habits, lack of physical exercise and gangs simply to make life easier for you the parent?

This is a raw nerve, because I was one of those ‘good, independent, reliable, sensible’ twelve year olds left to roam, and the consequences were considerable. I haven’t forgiven my parents for putting me in that position. I was out of my depth and certainly didn’t choose to be in that position.

Any parent believing they are doing their child ‘a favour’ by parenting this way really can not be properly assessing the risks. A twelve year old simply does not have the maturity or ability in a teen environment/city/town setting to properly assert and protect themselves. They are just too young.

I agree the government should change it to 14 years old, but that won't happen by July so I hope you find someone or something in the meantime.

I was travelling around London at 13 with my mate and it was just the two of us. Kids are taught to be more independent when they start secondary school. Kids have to be allowed to make mistakes or they will never learn. Call him every hour if you have to but I bet you'll feel silly in the end.

The issue is the club not accepting vouchers. I'd put pressure on them to do so. More likely to be successful than expecting the government to change. Or just pay for it yourself.

The op did say he will be at home so what harm could come unless she hasn't taught him how to be safe at home. If she hasn't taught him how to be safe in the home then what has she been doing with him for 12 years.

Parenting in the 60's and 70's was different there was no benefits the parents had to go to work. My partner who is older than me does not understand my generation he thinks we're a bunch of snow flakes. He was born in the 60's and I was born in the 80's.

No harm but v boring

Op you can use childcare vouchers for pgl holidays is that an option

The issue is the club not accepting vouchers. I'd put pressure on them to do so.

People have explained upthread why the club doesn't accept them (needs Ofsted registration that they don't otherwise need). It would be a considerable hassle for them to set themselves up to accept vouchers; it's very unlikely that OP's custom means that much to them.

My partner who is older than me does not understand my generation he thinks we're a bunch of snow flakes. He was born in the 60's and I was born in the 80's.

Well, he sounds like a delight.

So the op can just pay for the club without government assistance

It was the times he came from a single parent family his mother was a nurse so she was very respected in the community. She came over when it was the wind rush but she travelled by plane from Jamaica. Different times.

She had help when they were young but as soon as they start secondary school you cant hold them back. They start making friends and wanting to go out with them.

they start secondary school you cant hold them back You are hardly doing that by leaving them at home all day on their own. Very few opportunities with a screen for company all day.

@Bogglesgoggles Yes but the whole point is, if the parent is not around, how are they going to enforce limits on where their child can go? That is the whole point. Also teenagers these days are generally more tech savvy than their parents so will probably find a way to get the internet back on. Also in our house all TV comes through the internet (no aerial) so if I switched it off altogether they wouldn't be able to watch anything at all. I don't have an issue with them watching TV or using the internet for short periods of time, just not all day and without any parental supervision keeping an eye on what they are watching/doing.

So according to your plan a 12 year old would be stuck at home with no internet, no TV (if you live in my house) and no opportunity to go out. Sure, they can read, draw and do puzzles, but I can't see many 12 year olds thinking that sounds like a fun or stimulating way to spend several weeks.

@Springwalk you have totally summed it up, and the parents who think that 12 year olds no longer need supervision or parenting are probably one of the reasons there are so many problems with teenagers and antisocial behaviour.

He had his own key his mother never kept him hostage at home. I am talking about the 70's when you had to put money in the tv to watch it. Back then he listened to the radio and cassette tapes. He had friends to go and see.

Back then you couldn't wrap your kids up in cotton wool but now you can. There is help that parents can get if they are struggling. Back then there was no mobile phones but now there is. When is it okay to let go in this day and age?

I think the problem with todays children is that there is to many conveniences around them. Its made them lazy and antisocial all you hear on the tele is young people having mental health issues because of social media. They are not going out and making friends they are at home on computer screens or in front of the tele. Its sad that even with the convenience of having mobile phones parents still cant let go. If you are worried about your child call them and check where they are. They should tell you where they are going so you can monitor them.

Plenty of teenagers also have mental health issues due to neglect, drug and alcohol

Wasn’t there a study lately that said social media didn’t have as much impact as they had expected they did?

I do not think taking care and protecting your children is wrapping them up in cotton wool. 12 yo should not be left for 9 or 10 hours for weeks it’s not good for them

Neither of my DC feel restricted they can see friends and go out but they aren’t antisocial yobs who are left to their own devices!

@bonbonours what a lot of rubbish my generation were left at home from the age of 12 when the parent's worked there were no benefit's then, me and our friend's entertained ourselves, going to the park, swimming out on our bikes, myself brother and friend's NEVER got into any trouble, believe it or not because my parent's went out to work they were pretty strict, wasnt allowed to roam street's at night, be in for a certain time, i've never taken any drug's or seen any, don't know anyone who does, the problem today's is kid's are greedy and want to much parent's are a lot to blame for that my parent's didn't go into debt to buy us the latest fashion, or gadget's, some parent's really don't care what there children are up to hence anti social behaviour and getting into trouble, where i live we have 11 year old's walking the street's at midnight and drinking in the local park where are the parent's? My next door neighbour found 3 over 11 year old's in his back garden at 10.30pm he told them to get out his garden he was given a load of swearing and abuse again where are the parent's? anti social behavior, drug's and drinking aren't caused by being left on your own for a few hour's a day, Discipline and responsibility should be taught at home but sadly a lot of parent's couldn't careless if there kid's get into trouble it's somebody else's fault.
The internet can be switched off.

I do not think taking care and protecting your children is wrapping them up in cotton wool. 12 yo should not be left for 9 or 10 hours for weeks it’s not good for them

Op should give up her job then incase he turns into an antisocial yob. Last week they were talking about the damage that social media can do on young people minds. They were talking about the likes on Instagram and how that can affect a persons self esteem.

I agree with everything JeremiahMouse has posted there is so many factors that a child down the wrong path. If you have a healthy relationship with your child and you talk about everything then you would know if something was wrong. My children tell me everything that's the relationship we have and I have spent years building that relationship and trust. My kids know I love them and I show interest in everything they do or want to do.

One of the major ways in which parenting was different in the 60s and 70s is that there were more SAHMs...

Discipline plays a big part in it as well.

Theres no amount of discipline that would make OPs son have the same circumstances as your DP did wengie, friends locally and buses to get to them.

Does she live out in the sticks somewhere where there is lots of sheep and cows. She needs to get him to arrange days out with friends over the six weeks so she can drop him off and then pick him up. She has to mix it up with him being at home and seeing friends. A sleep over at a friends house, one day a week in a holiday club, drop him off at a friends house, family sleep over at the grandparents/uncles/aunties house. Where there is a will there is a way to sort out any problem it takes a bit of time and dedication.

anti social behavior, drug's and drinking aren't caused by being left on your own for a few hour's a day

But we are NOT talking about a few hours a day are we? That is the whole point Happy. It is ten hours, five days a week, for a month at least.

I doubt we would having this conversation at all, if it were simply a few hours a day would we? Of course not. We are talking very long days for long periods of time.

Long periods of isolation can cause mental health problems in young people we know this. Being left alone for long periods will invite others to fill the vacuum with god knows what. A lonely, isolated 12 year old surely must be a PRIME target for anyone looking to take advantage, be it another teen or an adult.

It is a fact that the majority of child abuse images and footage on line comes from 11-12 year old girls (and boys) in the UK, live streaming from their own rooms. How can they do this if they are being supervised? Why do you think this will never happen to you or your children? Your confidence is admirable, but it is based on what exactly? Children left unsupervised are vulnerable to predators on and off line. And you will be the very last to know until someone knocks on your door.

We have an explosion of gang culture with children being killed more or less every single day, and still you are banging on about your own childhood back in the year dot when none of these dangers existed.

For gods sake, wake up.

We are not in the 70s/80s/90s it is the year 2019 and in my line of work I see the fall out every. single. day. So absolutely no way would I leave a twelve year nor a young teen for huge long stretches on their own completely unsupervised over the holidays, not now, not ever.

And if you do leave your dc for long periods, then be very very prepared to take responsibility for whatever happens to your child when you are not there. They are certainly not responsible for themselves at that age. You have a legal and moral obligation to take care of them.

There is no discipline today children as young as 8 is swearing at teachers and other kids. Back in the year dot there was discipline that's why there was no fuckery.