AIBU to think that the term 'natural birth' might cause upset to others?

[Mitzicoco]

I had two water births. One fairly straightforward and the other not so (thank god I was in a hospital). When chatting to other mothers through NCT or baby groups I noticed that a lot of people referred to their births as natural. Nothing wrong with that, but I just wondered if I might feel upset by these comments if I had had a c-section, or some other delivery. Surely every birth is natural? What do you think?

In my experience it is a certain type who had natural births who have a problem with C Sections.

Friend and I were at a baby class. At the end when everyone was chatting and talk got round to how everyone gave birth there was an all round gasp and a feeling that someone was about to shout

“Begone Witch”
Whilst brandishing a wooden cross when friend said she had an EMCS.

I am sure someone fainted when I said I had one as well
We never returned

I've always felt quite happy/relieved that I've not had to go through labour and related (potential) trauma due to my ELCS. It doesn't make me less of a mother

When is a birth ever unnatural?
Well I don't really consider being numbed and cut open so the baby can be pulled out particularly natural. I don't think the opposite of a natural birth is an unnatural birth though.

Well I don't really consider being numbed and cut open so the baby can be pulled out particularly natural.

I do

Max medical intervention is my natural choice.

SuePerbly- I didn’t say the things you are saying I said. I am sorry that you think I did

BetrandRussell you said:

"But it was better for me, because it was what I wanted" which is down to luck. Completely.

Your comment of "But if you decide in advance that you want an epidural, for example, then that goes with an increased risk of further interventions. It’s a trade off. Ditto if you go for an induction" implies that women reap what they sow in terms of birth choices.

Those quotes are exactly what you said.

Max medical intervention is my natural choice
But because a choice comes naturally to you doesn't mean that the then act is natural. And what about those of us who didn't choose it because leaving it to nature would have killed us?
Thing is natural isn't automatically best. Nature was trying to screw me over. Waters gone, contractions started, baby's heart not coping and 2 cm dilated aftef hours. Nature sucked right there and then. Thankfully the doctors didn't.

TBH, I have had 1 foreceps, 1 ecsec and 1 emcsec.

I don't mind the term natural at all. I think that women have so much of their dignity stripped away during the process that I don't begrudge them using natural to avoid saying vaginal when in a non-medical setting.

My births weren't natural. Extensive medical intervention was required to get me and my babies through it alive. I am great at making babies and shit at getting them out! I don't feel that it makes me less of a mother and don't feel defensive when it comes up in conversation.

If someone is saying it to suggest that they are superior to me because of their birth experience then the issue is that they are dickheads. The word itself is not the problem.

I think we get so caught up in analysing the words people use that we forget that the context and intention behind them is just as important.

So chill and use it

@SuePerbly I completely agree with your comment.
@BertrandRussell I wasn’t going to have an epidural. I was going to have a nice waterbirth and use hypnobirthing. But then baby was two weeks late, pessary got me into early labour ok but then baby got distressed and had to go on drip for 18 hours. The agony I can’t even begin to describe and the relief when I had the epidural (3 hours in) is also indescribable. I am happy for you that you had a good straightforward time, but I didn’t and If I hadn’t had an epidural I would be deeply traumatised. I still can’t talk about those 3 hours without getting upset, and when the epidural wore off towards the end I was beside myself. I still look back on it positively though - because I got through it, recovered from eventual low forceps that I needed, and baby was ok despite having nuchal chord (the cause of all the problems).

Once again- I did not say what you think I said. I am not going to repeat myself because I don’t think I could make it any clearer.

“If someone is saying it to suggest that they are superior to me because of their birth experience then the issue is that they are dickheads”

Yep.

@Scoutingaround It sucks when it doesn't go how we would like it to.

@BertrandRussell - exactly which of the things I quoted didn't you write?

Or, if you mean that you didn't mean your comments in the way that I have read them, it may be a bit better to say that.

@BertrandRussell you said that if a woman decides in advance to have an epidural then she needs to accept the potential consequences of that.
Fair enough point - but most women don’t decide in advance to have an epidural. Most women want a low intervention birth. As a pp said, nobody writes on their birth plan ‘Emcs’ please or ‘forceps’ would be wonderful thanks. However you just do what you’ve got to do in the moment.

Having an epidural or being induced is likely to lead to more interventions. This is not a judgement, it is a statement of fact.

Sometimes these things are necessary for the health of the mother and the baby. And thank science and the medical profession for them.

Sometimes they are active choices that the woman makes. If it is a matter of choice then it is important that women make that choice in an informed way, knowing that the chances of further intervention are higher than if she makes different choices. Not better or worse choices-different ones.

@BertrandRussell I knew that an epidural would probably lead to more intervention. But I also knew that I couldn’t get through at least 12 more hours on the drip without wanting to jump out of the window.

Of course. And as I said, thank science and the medical profession that the epidural was available. Please note I am talking about women in the position to make choices. My initial post that you took such exception to was in response to one about birth plans.

Fair enough - but the point I was making is that a lot of women hope to be able to do it without an epidural. In the moment however, it’s not really a choice. If you NEED pain relief then you NEED pain relief.

Thanks @SuePerbly. It was hard but baby and me fine and it was only after reading some comments on these ‘positive births’ groups I was following on social media that I started to feel down and beat myself up about it all.
However I unfollowed them and had a debrief with my midwife which was incredibly helpful and made me realise that I did nothing wrong at all.

No, of course it's not upsetting. Nothing 'natural' about the time someone stuck a needle in my back, numbed me from the chest down, wheeled me into theatre, cut me open very carefully and extracted a 9lb 7oz baby from my abdomen. Why would i pretend otherwise? It's the end result that matters and I love him to bits.

I thought a socalled natural birth was a drugfree one rather than just a vayjayjay one?

Anyway, don't give a shite what anyone calls it.

I used to get upset/jealous of anyone who had a 'natural' birth after I had dd.
I vividly remember when exsil gave birth to dds cousin, first baby and a water birth (just what I had wanted) and feeling gutted about the whole thing. I suppose I sort of felt like I'd failed and I really wanted to experience pushing her out, like it was some right of passage that I'd been robbed of (she was a forceps delivery, with epidural so I didn't feel a thing apart from LOTS of pressure and feeling like a melon was getting pulled out of me ) when she was around two days old we were home and I was watching OBEM and just burst into tears. I felt like I'd been robbed and had let dd down (she had a cut on her face from the forceps). I felt that way for a good two years. She was pulled out, I didn't push her out.
I think I'd spent too much time romanticising about the whole thing, watching hours of OBEM and reading books etc etc. Really, she just needed to come out, she wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for those forceps and I'm thankful for them now.
I remember telling two friends about my whole "I just wanted to push her out on my own" thing, they both looked at me in horror and said "but whhhhy!!? It's fucking horrible!" that made me feel better, like now I feel like I got off lightly in comparison to that.
Anyway, back to the original question, I wouldn't get upset about the term but I was definitely sensitive about the whole issue, but that was my problem to deal with/work through which I did and I never did let it show.

Unfortunately for me I went through all the excruciating labour pains and panic before my emergency sections, dangerously haemorrhaging with the first as was a placental abruption. Being knocked out fully and not knowing if either of us would wake up. So not the easier option for sure, just no pushing.

No OP. A vaginal birth is 'natural'. A c-section is a surgical birth intervention/surgical birth. Not arsed who it offends, those are the facts 🤷

I couldn't give a toss either way who gives birth and in what manner. Neither is superior.