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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to involve the police in school squabbles

101 replies

Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 18:15

I was chatting to a police officer this weekend about how there seems to be an increasing amount of parents reporting kids to them for ridiculous things, examples he gave we’re as follows:
Trying to get a 10yr old a criminal record for stealing because he took something from their child’s pencil case
Trying to have a child expelled from school for swearing at their child over face time whilst on the school bus (not even at the same school as each other)
Trying to get an 11yr old expelled from school for playing rough with their son, wrestling etc.
Has parenting gone mad? Where is the common sense and are the police not busy enough?
Apparently if parents are not happy with how schools react to incidents then the next step is the police, is that right?

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 07/05/2019 18:38

We've had the police in BEFORE we have been informed about an incident. It seems to be social media first, police second and school next!

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 19:35

Crazy! From what I understand the police can’t do anything anyway so it’s just a massive waste of everyone’s time and tax payers money.
I can’t for the life of me understand what they hope to gain.

OP posts:
HomeMadeMadness · 07/05/2019 19:38

Apparently if parents are not happy with how schools react to incidents then the next step is the police, is that right?

TO be fair it depends what it was - if someone has been seriously assaulted or sexually harassed for example and the school aren't reacting adequately then I think it's fine to involve the police - the law still applies within school grounds. If someone had stolen a pen from my child's pencil case or they'd had a scuffle in the playground then no absolutely not.

TheFirstOHN · 07/05/2019 19:42

It seems to be social media first, police second and school next!
You missed out the local newspaper (photos with sad/angry expressions).

TheFirstOHN · 07/05/2019 19:46

If my child was the victim of a crime during school hours / on school premises, then I would support them in reporting it to the police. But I would also be liaising with the school.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 19:48

Surely there has to be some element of kids learning lessons with regards to what is right / wrong and socially acceptable within the safety of school and growing up. Why would there be the need to try and apply adult laws to these scenarios?

OP posts:
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 07/05/2019 19:50

Think it's a 'shoot from the hip' mentality. Clearly in some cases it is appropriate, but in the majority it's clearly not and seems like the type of reaction you might expect in a playground squabble, from a child.

GabriellaMontez · 07/05/2019 19:52

Yanbu about squabbles.

But then you go on to mention laws. Which yes if they are broken should be a police matter. Why wouldn't they be? As ever, depends on the context.

GinTimeAtHome · 07/05/2019 19:59

Well my dc1 was violently attacked at school....the school did sweet fuck all about it

So we went to the police who did sweet fuck all about it

We moved schools!

No social media and no daily fail sad face I should have done that then maybe someone would have done something about it

Iamnotagoddess · 07/05/2019 20:04

My 13 yr old DD was taken onto the school playing field and kicked in the head repeatedly in front of about 150 kids some of whom filmed it and put it on You Tube. One kid in the end stepped in and stopped it as they were scared DD would be hurt.

I literally stormed into the school the next day, I was fucking furious and I asked the school what they were going to do (the girl was suspended for a week).

I told the school I would also be reporting it to the police and I had their full support.

We had mediation and a Restorative Justice meeting with the girl and her father which made me feel better - not sure if it helped DD.

Seven years later it still makes me feel fucking furious.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 20:09

When talking about adult laws I mean that what could be a bit of rough and tumble in the playground amongst 12yr olds would be gbh for adults I guess? Also I’m absolutely not meaning serious attacks here, just kids stuff really that when the police look into it they find it’s just not at all the stuff they should be getting involved with.

OP posts:
ASauvignonADay · 07/05/2019 20:16

Apparently if parents are not happy with how schools react to incidents then the next step is the police, is that right?
That is what tends up happen. Usually the police just ask us if we've actioned then file it.

I think there is definitely a place for invoking the police! We often report incidents as a school too.

Cheby · 07/05/2019 20:17

You sound very much like you’re minimising serious physical assault OP. It doesn’t suddenly become legal if the perpetrator is a teenager.

redexpat · 07/05/2019 20:17

Ive seen threads on here where posters dcs have been mercilessly bullied by the same child for several years snd schools have been useless. So then as soon as the bully turns 10 they have to face some consequences. Ive never seen it used as a first resort. My guess is that in all those examples there was a back story.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 20:25

Not minimising at all, just as a parent of pre teens I know there are usually two sides to a story and once my 10yr old ds was accused of punching another boy in the face by the parents, the incident was witnessed by a teacher who saw the whole thing unfold, thankfully, otherwise I fear the police could well have been involved in something like that. The parents struggled to believe the teachers account over their own sons very different version.
Just out of curiosity though, what can the police actually do with 11, 12, 13yr old kids in n these cases, what is a good outcome for vexed parents? Lock them up? Criminal records?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 20:27

And pls refer back to my original post, this is about kids nicking a rubber, swearing and a bit of rough play. Absolutely not persist bullying or vicious attacks etc.

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/05/2019 20:30

When talking about adult laws I mean that what could be a bit of rough and tumble in the playground amongst 12yr olds would be gbh for adults I guess?

Children are criminally responsible from the age of 10, so the same laws apply.

lyralalala · 07/05/2019 20:32

If schools weren't useless in many cases, or hamstrung in many other cases, people wouldn't have to resort to the polie.

A friend of mine has a child who has been bullied by the same child for FOUR years. It started as leaving out of a game,silly names and has escalated year on year to the point that the last incident involved backing her into a corner threatening all sorts of physical and sexual assault and filming her reaction for social media when they lunged at her. The school is stuck because the PRU locally is full and they can't get support to exclude the bully permanantly as there is only one high school here (rural) so there's nowhere else for them to go.

After the last incident my friend called the police and put their house on the market (as there's also nowhere for her DD to transfer either).

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 07/05/2019 20:33

To say that there are normally two sides to a story makes it sound like both children have caused it and that is very wrong imo. Innocent children are bullied day in day out at school and the majority of them have done nothing wrong.

lyralalala · 07/05/2019 20:43

Just out of curiosity though, what can the police actually do with 11, 12, 13yr old kids in n these cases, what is a good outcome for vexed parents? Lock them up? Criminal records?

Usually it's done as a way to get the parents to actually do something with their child. And also can be a way to stop the school/LEA ignoring the problem.

And pls refer back to my original post, this is about kids nicking a rubber, swearing and a bit of rough play. Absolutely not persist bullying or vicious attacks etc.

I've never known a parent call the police for just that (6 kids and 10 years working in schools). I have known situations where it's appeared to be for something as silly as that, but actually it was just the proverbial last straw.

ASauvignonADay · 07/05/2019 20:45

They only really get 'words of advice' from my exp.

I'm interested to hear what outcomes other parents have got from reporting school-based incidents to the police? (genuinely, because I wonder if it varies loads)

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 20:46

So here is the kind of example I’m meaning (not massive bullying)
Two 11yr old boys running about at break, accidentally bump into each other ..... one boy for whatever reason felt like the other did it on purpose and deliberately punched him. Parents stomp into school shouting assault, other boy is bewildered and gets a bollocking for being rough.
This happened amongst ds’s pals in school recently.
Are the parents right to involve the police because they want the other boy suspended / excluded? The boy is 12, should he be charged with gbh?
Just seems crazy to me
This hasn’t gone that far but is the kind of thing the police officer was referring to when we were talking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 20:48

Both boys in yr 7 so not sure if 11 or 12 yrs tbh

OP posts:
Snowangel23 · 07/05/2019 20:51

@Iamnotagoddess Flowers

What an abhorrent thing to happen to you and your dd.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/05/2019 20:54

OP each example is very situational, in the scenarios you have given, I’d say it’s a resilience issue rather than a criminal one, more so if they are lone examples.

Child are cleaver tho and can manipulate to fit their own agenda, so for example if the above wasn’t a one, then your dealing with another more series matter.