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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to involve the police in school squabbles

101 replies

Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 18:15

I was chatting to a police officer this weekend about how there seems to be an increasing amount of parents reporting kids to them for ridiculous things, examples he gave we’re as follows:
Trying to get a 10yr old a criminal record for stealing because he took something from their child’s pencil case
Trying to have a child expelled from school for swearing at their child over face time whilst on the school bus (not even at the same school as each other)
Trying to get an 11yr old expelled from school for playing rough with their son, wrestling etc.
Has parenting gone mad? Where is the common sense and are the police not busy enough?
Apparently if parents are not happy with how schools react to incidents then the next step is the police, is that right?

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/05/2019 20:54

*serious

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 20:55

Yes @Iamnotagodess that is horrific and clearly a case for the police without any doubt!

OP posts:
oneforthepain · 07/05/2019 20:59

GBH means grievous bodily harm, I.e. Really serious harm.

Not "rough and tumble".

lyralalala · 07/05/2019 21:03

Also you have to take into account the child's history. If they've previously had problems and found the school ineffective they may jump for more serious action quicker than a parent experiencing it for the first time.

If the same police officer has numerous examples from the same school then I'd suggest that says a lot about the school management tbh.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 21:04

No they weren’t same school but were across their whole area, no idea how big that is for a police officer though.

OP posts:
beeyourself · 07/05/2019 21:04

My (primary school) DC was involved in a squabble with a friend, other parent went into school and said to us "because of our friendship" they'd asked the school not to take it to the police.

School investigated, found it was 6 of 1 & half a dozen of the other, no repercussions on my DC. Said parent is now encouraging other parents to avoid my DC.

Even if they don't go to the police, they can still make life very difficult.

NigellaAwesome · 07/05/2019 21:05

OP, GBH is an abbreviation for grievous bodily harm which has a very high threshold - usually broken bones or very serious wounding. If gbh is in question, then I would say it is a matter for the police.

Iamnotagoddess Flowers Sad for your DD.

bamboofibre · 07/05/2019 21:05

A friend has just hired counsel to sue the fucking council as they have allowed her son to be repeatedly physically assaulted on public property and done FA about it, nor have the police. It's the only way to get their attention.

Rough and tumble, my arse.

INeedAFlerken · 07/05/2019 21:07

If my child was violently attacked or sexually assaulted at school, then I would involve the police. Immediately.

No different than if an adult was violently attacked or sexually assaulted in the work place. Or on the street. Police would be involved.

Why do so many hesitate to support children who are the victims of serious crimes when we would do so were the victim an adult? Surely priorities are wrong!

ASauvignonADay · 07/05/2019 21:13

Serious crimes need police involvement.
Most school level incidents do not.

It's not a simple black and white. Huge range of seriousness plus other factors involved, but I think it's fairly common sense.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 21:13

Not talking about the serious stuff here!
The police officer was talking about a kid nicking a bloody rubber!
My experience also is some parents do actually think rough and tumble is gbh which it clearly isn’t. The intent behind the action is surely very important here also.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 07/05/2019 21:19

I phoned the police when my DD was being bullied. One particularly bad incident at school. The school told the police they were dealing with it (they weren't) so they didn't want to know.

Then 3 adults and 6 children were laying in wait away from the school one day, I called them again, as the school wouldn't want to know, as it was not on school property. School and police talked and their answer was to let the main bully out of school ten minutes early. As they had already waited a good 20 minutes for my DD to wait for my DS to come out of school I didn't see what this would change.

No point in talking further to the school or police, so I pulled her out and have home educated for some time now.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 07/05/2019 21:24

The police officer was talking about a kid nicking a bloody rubber!

Or was the child repeatedly bullied and assaulted and one of those incidents was essentially a rubber being stolen, which became the focus for the officer?

lyralalala · 07/05/2019 21:29

My experience also is some parents do actually think rough and tumble is gbh which it clearly isn’t. The intent behind the action is surely very important here also.

Equally though in my experience a lot of parents think some of the stuff their kids get up to is rough and tumble when it’s not.

youarenotkiddingme · 07/05/2019 21:30

Ermmmm ..... not my experience.

Agree that those are daft reasons to report. But I actually have an email from police commissioner in my LA saying they give schools powers to deal with any incidents.

In my case my son reported his classmate as he pulled a knife on him in class Shock

Boy got excluded for 2 days. Ds has to move schools due to anxiety and school saying it didn't happen and he wasn't a victim of police didn't press charges and that my son had no reason to feel anxious as boy wouldn't be in for 2 days.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 21:32

No, there were no other issues, he was blown away with the parents wanting the kid to have a criminal record for stealing, nothing to do with bullying at all. He said this kid was 10 and all the parents had discussed with him was one stolen item out of a pencil case.
He wouldn’t have been so shocked if it was the last straw on a long list of things. The whole point of this thread is the trend of parents involving the police with such small matters, I don’t think anyone would think it was an issue to involve them for long term bullying or serious attacks etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 21:34

@youarenotkiddingme
That sounds awful! Just out of curiosity what would have been a good outcome for you over this?

OP posts:
ASauvignonADay · 07/05/2019 21:44

@youarenotkiddingme that's crazy! I know we don't know the full detail but pulling an actual knife out in a classroom would surely be a perm exclusion! Although the last guidance I read on this said exclusion shouldn't necessary be the 'go to' sanction

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/05/2019 21:46

Fuckofffortnite

The whole point of this thread is the trend of parents involving the police with such small matters,

I've known the police minimise serious issues that happen in school purely because they happen in school and CBA to deal with it until it escalates to something outside of the school grounds.

playing rough
rough and tumble
boys will be boys
banter etc.

are keywords for the police not giving a fuck.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2019 21:49

When talking about adult laws I mean that what could be a bit of rough and tumble in the playground amongst 12yr olds would be gbh for adults I guess?

Load of nonsense. Possibly it would be common assault.

I find that the parents that minimize frequently have violent children who bully with impunity and call it 'rough and tumble' or 'horseplay'. Violence against children causes the same trauma as in adults. And they are stuck in the school and An adult can change jobs.

Iamnotagoddess · 07/05/2019 21:56

Thank you.

It was very upsetting, and it still makes me feel emotional years later.

I sent her to school where she should have been safe yet they called me to say she had been attacked and humiliated.

I could never bring myself to watch any of the videos. Sad

The girl saw DD in a club last year and was very sheepish and apologised (again).

DD was nice to her, bought her a drink and accepted her apology.

Thewheelsarefallingoff · 07/05/2019 21:57

There should be no "rough and tumble" whatever that means. My DC get short shrift if if they start getting rough with each other. I would be livid if some little thug at school started trying that.

honeyrider · 07/05/2019 21:57

I had to go to the gardai (Irish police) after months of getting no where with my son's school after a teacher assaulted my son. The school closed rank but the gardai were brilliant.

The principal kept threatening to report me to social services and accuse me of child abuse in my home if I didn't drop my complaint but the gardai softened his cough and to this day if that principal sees me he turns on his heal and flees.

I wouldn't go to the police about trivial things but I'd advise the school to deal with more serious matters or I'd go to the police.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 07/05/2019 21:58

At 11 I would like to hope that my ds would not punch someone who ran into him, even if it was intentional. If he did punch someone then a little chat with a police officer might be enough to shock him into thinking before acting in future. If he did that when he was older then he may well be charged. I would obviously feel really embarrassed to have to go through that with one of my children but I would rather they learn at 11 when they would probably just get a telling off than at 16 or 18 when the consequences would be more serious.

We discuss the age of criminal responsibility with our children before they turn ten. We highlight the impact that a criminal record can have - affecting jobs, future relationships, where they can go on holiday etc. Other than the waste of police time (which could be seen as future crime prevention), which of course would not be needed if the boy hadn't punched in the first place, I don't think it is outrageous, particularly if the school is reluctant to get involved. Obviously though stealing a rubber is less serious and police would be ott. Unfortunately some parents struggle to put firm enough boundaries in and appropriate sanctions for crossing them. These children need to learn where those boundaries lie and to try to avoid going anywhere near crossing them.

Original poster
Fuckofffortnite · 07/05/2019 22:00

Wow, that’s amazing and testament to what a fantastic person she has grown into.
Xx

OP posts: