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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely livid

106 replies

Daisydo48 · 07/05/2019 15:31

Ok so i just saw a friend who is pregnant she is obviously very excited so spoke alot about babies which is great i have no problem at all with that so here is my AIBU

I don't have DC of my own but i have two DSS who i have helped bring up for the last 12 years now DSS1 is 13 DSS2 is 15 we are and have always been extremely close they are wonderful young men i get on with their DM very well we are very good friends and i have a fantastic marriage with my DH so to me my life seems great

My "friend" asked when i was having children of my own i laughed and said oh I'm not planning to she straight away got quite bitchy said i was depriving my DM of being a grandmother (my DM has 6 grandsons 3 granddaughters) she counts my DSS as grandsons she has always been their nan. My DM has never had a problem with me not wanting children of my own. Friend then goes onto blame my DH bit of an age gap between us starts saying he's selfish and i will eventually resent him and my DSS which trust me is not going to happen!! I tried explaining my life does not lack anything and i am genuinely very happy she scoffs at me and tells me I will never know what it's like to love a "proper" child and basically i am an arsehole. I again stayed calm told her i have done nappies helped them learn to walk and talk done the school runs bandaged hurt limbs had my shoulder cried on been told about school dramas just because they are not biologically mine doesn't mean I'm missing out my DSS are now teens we still go out together to do something every week they always give me a hug and tell me they love me they saved their own money to buy me a mother's day card and present and also now they are getting older and independent my marriage has flourished we get more time together as a couple.

Life is genuinely good so i can't see why she's taking it so bad that i don't feel the need to have DC this is also the same friend who told me i was making a mistake on my wedding day she has had around 6 different relationships since then i don't get involved in her decisions it's her life.

It ended with her saying well i still think your a selfish c*t and me telling her to take her head for a s*t she's since text just saying sorry and i honestly don't even know whether to reply and if i did what to say.

I have taken into account hormones but wow there seriously was no need. The most embarrassing part about it was we were having a coffee in small local cafe so everyone in there heard.

I know IANBU but i just don't think i want to see or talk to her for a good while not sure if I'm angry or more hurt. She also knows my DSS and has done for a long time so it came completely out of the blue

Thanks for reading sorry it's so long but all this typing has helped me calm down a bit

OP posts:
itsbetterwithoutyou · 07/05/2019 15:34

She's no friend. I wouldn't bother to reply to her.

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/05/2019 15:34

Yanbu, and she's no friend. Would it be terrible if you gradually distanced yourself from her?

Original poster
Daisydo48 · 07/05/2019 15:34

DSS have stayed with us 5 nights a week since me and DH moved in together so pretty much most of their lives i missed that bit out sorry

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/05/2019 15:35

me telling her to take her head for a st

What does this even mean????

YANBU though, she sounds completely crazy

Chloemol · 07/05/2019 15:35

I think it’s just a case of not understanding some people simply don’t want children, and now she is pregnant she can’t understand that. To be honest I would just leave it to her to make the first move about meeting again, and see how you feel then. Must admit if she kicks off again like this I would not be seeing her any more. You have a happy life, you don’t need people like her

SrSteveOskowski · 07/05/2019 15:35

I'd have fucking punched her! Angry
Seriously. Who the hell does she think she is?

Samind · 07/05/2019 15:35

Absolutely ridiculous and nasty. You can't blame hormones for that

FriarTuck · 07/05/2019 15:36

She's bonkers. I'd be giving her plenty of space from now on and I'd probably ignore her text.

RedSheep73 · 07/05/2019 15:37

How rude. It's none of her business.

Original poster
Daisydo48 · 07/05/2019 15:37

Would be a shame if i had to we have been friends since primary school but after this i don't see much hope of us being friends. Now the anger has eased i feel deeply hurt. Every big event in my life she tells me i am making a mistake from my wedding day to my job to not wanting DC she has never once seemed happy for me. Only just realising this fully

OP posts:
Inrestlessdreamsiwalkalone · 07/05/2019 15:39

What a nasty piece of work.

Hate that even friends feel that they can comment on peoples personal choices

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/05/2019 15:39

If you are going to reply and accept her apology don't don't yet. Its not about making her stew In her own juice. You need time be angry. You can't just forgive someone atomically just because they say "Sorry". I don't blame you for being angry. How dare she tell you what to do with your life and body. You can't pressure people to have kids. Its a personal thing. Also how does she know you're not having fertility problems.

NameChangeNugget · 07/05/2019 15:41

She’s taking utter shit.

She sounds batshit. Distance yourself from her.

CoraPirbright · 07/05/2019 15:41

It would be a cold day in hell before I would be having anything more to do with her! Seriously, life is too short to give space to horrible people like this!

fc301 · 07/05/2019 15:41

Sorry just to be clear. Your 'friend' called you a selfish cunt? Wow.

Purplejay · 07/05/2019 15:42

She sounds bonkers. You don’t speak to friends like that! One of the rare occasions I would say ignore her.

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 07/05/2019 15:42

It sounds to me as though she's a judgemental and jealous person who wants you to question your choices (probably in the hope you'll realise you want what she has and be jealous of her). It's quite sad really.

Or she could be one of the people who go a bit odd when they are pregnant / have a baby

Disclaimer - we're not friends anymore because I have fertility issues.

notacooldad · 07/05/2019 15:42

I think being called a selfish cunt by a so called friend would mean I would have one less friend.

I don't know about other people but I don't want people in my life that think it is ok to name call others or to tell them how they should run their lives. completely not acceptable.
I would be keeping my distance from now on to be honest.

Illberidingshotgun · 07/05/2019 15:42

She's not a friend, sadly. A friend would never intentionally hurt you like this, and a friend would only want you to be be happy, which you clearly are.

I would think really carefully about whether you want to continue the friendship. Personally, I would be texting back saying that everything she said really upset you, and that you don't understand why she feels the need to critise your (very happy) life.

cranstonmanor · 07/05/2019 15:43

She sounds jealous of you. I don't think that she is your friend. She certainly doesn't behave in a friendly manner.

maddieharrison · 07/05/2019 15:43

Dont listen to her. You sound like a brilliant mum and you shouldn't have to justify the way you live to anybody. You are clearly very secure and content and maybe she was threatened by that

CurtainsOpen · 07/05/2019 15:46

Welcome to MumsNet!

Notjudesmum · 07/05/2019 15:46

I wouldn’t be having that. Not a chance. Hormones or not, that was unnecessary and hurtful for her to say those things. It would be a definite ‘goodbye’ from me.

Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2019 15:46

She's jealous of you and insecure.

Being friends since primary school is no reason so stay friends with someone.

EL8888 · 07/05/2019 15:47

Wow! She’s a charmer. Clearly one of those people who thinks her choices ARE THE RIGHT ONES AND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY BUT HERS. Plus expressed in a rather nasty obnoxious way. Avoid. Probably she will get worse before she gets better

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