Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely livid

106 replies

Daisydo48 · 07/05/2019 15:31

Ok so i just saw a friend who is pregnant she is obviously very excited so spoke alot about babies which is great i have no problem at all with that so here is my AIBU

I don't have DC of my own but i have two DSS who i have helped bring up for the last 12 years now DSS1 is 13 DSS2 is 15 we are and have always been extremely close they are wonderful young men i get on with their DM very well we are very good friends and i have a fantastic marriage with my DH so to me my life seems great

My "friend" asked when i was having children of my own i laughed and said oh I'm not planning to she straight away got quite bitchy said i was depriving my DM of being a grandmother (my DM has 6 grandsons 3 granddaughters) she counts my DSS as grandsons she has always been their nan. My DM has never had a problem with me not wanting children of my own. Friend then goes onto blame my DH bit of an age gap between us starts saying he's selfish and i will eventually resent him and my DSS which trust me is not going to happen!! I tried explaining my life does not lack anything and i am genuinely very happy she scoffs at me and tells me I will never know what it's like to love a "proper" child and basically i am an arsehole. I again stayed calm told her i have done nappies helped them learn to walk and talk done the school runs bandaged hurt limbs had my shoulder cried on been told about school dramas just because they are not biologically mine doesn't mean I'm missing out my DSS are now teens we still go out together to do something every week they always give me a hug and tell me they love me they saved their own money to buy me a mother's day card and present and also now they are getting older and independent my marriage has flourished we get more time together as a couple.

Life is genuinely good so i can't see why she's taking it so bad that i don't feel the need to have DC this is also the same friend who told me i was making a mistake on my wedding day she has had around 6 different relationships since then i don't get involved in her decisions it's her life.

It ended with her saying well i still think your a selfish c*t and me telling her to take her head for a s*t she's since text just saying sorry and i honestly don't even know whether to reply and if i did what to say.

I have taken into account hormones but wow there seriously was no need. The most embarrassing part about it was we were having a coffee in small local cafe so everyone in there heard.

I know IANBU but i just don't think i want to see or talk to her for a good while not sure if I'm angry or more hurt. She also knows my DSS and has done for a long time so it came completely out of the blue

Thanks for reading sorry it's so long but all this typing has helped me calm down a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydo48 · 07/05/2019 17:35

DoinItForTheKids

Thank you so much

OP posts:
ControversialFerret · 07/05/2019 17:40

And note how her DP has made it all about her - that she's so upset. The sincerity of her feelings would be more believable if it wasn't for the fact that this is just one in a long line of criticisms that she's thrown at you over the years.

She's jealous. And her way of dealing with this is to diminish you.

NeatFreakMama · 07/05/2019 17:41

I had quit a similar situation and took some time to think on it and then made the decision to distance myself. I made the right decision, I had kept the friendship too long because we’d been friends since school but ultimately she wasn’t really a good friend to me. It’s tough though.

Grumpelstilskin · 07/05/2019 17:45

Woah, no amount of grovelling would remove this ugly and nasty tirade out of my head. I hope she has the most difficult pregnancy, pukes day and night, get piles hanging down to the floor, varicose veins to look like a map and is totally covered in stretch marks, all topped off with very long, extremely painful labour. But then I am not nice Grin

cantfindname · 07/05/2019 17:51

I imagine she has issues in her own life which you are not privy to and she is taking it/them out on you.

Vile way to speak to you, for all she new you could have been ttc for years or had multiple miscarriages. Obviously that thought didn't enter her tiny mind.

Distance yourself OP and enjoy the lovely life you have made for yourself Flowers

cantfindname · 07/05/2019 17:51

I owe you a 'k'... knew

fc301 · 07/05/2019 18:16

Oh so SHE's upset because YOU are offended by HER behaviour. Well diddums.

FWIW she's insecure and nasty. She needs you to have a baby to shore up her own 'choice' to have one. Pathetic.

TheoriginalLEM · 07/05/2019 18:29

Is she quite well?

LightDrizzle · 07/05/2019 18:32

She’s thick as mince and a twat.

CoraPirbright · 07/05/2019 18:37

Well it would be nice to think it might be hormones, wouldnt it, but she wasn’t pregnant on your wedding day when she told you that you were making a mistake!! She’s just a cow and an insecure one at that. I wonder if she is fretting about whether she is doing the right thing, having an unplanned baby with someone she has known for such a short time. Unleashing her vitriol in your direction probably gave her some temporary relief.... well she can sod off and get someone else to be her punch bag!!

Lizzie48 · 07/05/2019 18:47

Like others on here have said, she’s no friend. It sounds as if she’s been doing this for a long time, she’s just pushed it to a new level.

She’s apologised, yes, but I suspect that’s part of her normal pattern. Only you know whether you can move past this.

m4rdybum · 07/05/2019 19:18

I honestly have now words Shock

m4rdybum · 07/05/2019 19:19

No*

TroysMammy · 07/05/2019 20:12

She's no friend and you sound a great step mum.

Complainingagain · 08/05/2019 06:05

If it were me I'd be reply explaining that you want no more contact with her and why. Explain that you're extremely happy and have never understood why she constantly undermines your life decisions and can't be happy for you like a real friend. Say that your SSs are your children too, and what she said was unforgivable. And then literally cut her out of your life.

Dualmum · 08/05/2019 06:11

That isn't someone I'd call a friend. I understand hormones all too well because I'm currently 8 months pregnant but my hormones don't make me act like that or say things like that. The worst for me is crying while watching the bloody Disney Mulan with my DD. What the hell came into your "friends" mind to go off on you like that. I would accept the apology and be totally blunt and say to her I'd rather keep my distance from someone like you and move on.

rwalker · 08/05/2019 06:30

JEALOUS

Mumofone1593 · 08/05/2019 06:46

I tell you what, some women get pregnant and suddenly think they are all knowing! So so ridiculous, please ignore her, you are happy and if she was a real friend that would be all she cared about Flowers

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 08/05/2019 06:55

Rise above OP, rise above.
You know revenge is a dish served cold, right? You need to do nothing here, honestly. In 5 years time, you will be proudly - and rightly, too - seeing your strapping young men off to work or uni and can have unlimited time with DH....Your 'friend' on the other hand will be starting the school run. I don't envy her.

She has no idea of what's going to hit her and when she hits the sleep deprivation wall and wants your help you can quite rightly and gleefully remind her that Cunts Don't Babysit.

Pregnant women or mothers of more than one child that exult about the ecstacies of parenting or that an only child isn't a family (yep, I had that once) I am always dubious about. Tis a conspiracy so that we suffer alongside them, a conspiracy I tell ya! Wink Grin

I will now add Taking your head for a shit to All the durs in the world in my cuntychops mumsnet insult book.
Flowers Brew Cake Wine

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 08/05/2019 07:00

Oh and I accidentally ended up with three. Big mistake. Unplanned pregnancies are very stressful on relationships that are established, let alone after only 8 months. I wish her luck - she's going to need it.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 08/05/2019 07:07

I have no SC but I have friends who do and I can't believe the amount of similar stuff that gets said to them. Yet friends who have adopted DC don't get this, or at least very rarely. It makes me quite angry that people devalue SC and SP in this way.

Mummaofmytribe · 08/05/2019 07:10

Gawd, she's lost the plot. Conducted a total character assassination, called you a cunt, and told you that your entire adult life has been a complete fuck up... and SHE'S upset?

Hithere12 · 08/05/2019 07:14

She’s vile. Just go NC. You don’t need someone like that in your life.

Fundays12 · 08/05/2019 07:18

She is horrible it’s none of her business if you have biological children or not. Unfortunately people are really opinionated around children. I have 3 boys and apparently my life isn’t complete as I don’t have a daughter. Neither me or my dh feel that way but it’s jist others ridiculous opinions. I would ignore her from now on she isn’t a friend.

TheSerenDipitY · 08/05/2019 07:50

there was only one cunt in that conversation... and it wasnt you
you do have children, while not bio children, they are yours, they are the children you chose to love, you have loved them from infancy to now and your family loves them and they love you, how dare she say you have no children, that they dont count because you didnt push them out??? would she say that about adopted children too?
stay strong OP, hormones dont turn you into a nasty judgmental cunt, it just gives her the convenient excuse to blame it on...
Just remember if any doubt sets in, those children love and value you as much as you love and value them

Swipe left for the next trending thread