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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be considering a bathroom ultimatum for DS?

109 replies

TottWriter · 07/05/2019 10:20

Okay, so DS is 11 years old. He's generally pretty good, if burdened with what I am assuming is the usual pre-teen scatterbrains (uniform wedged in the bottom of the wardrobe instead of folded, bed perpetually unmade, constant reminders needed that his personal hygiene requirements are now stepping up a notch and will require effort on his part to fix them).

Unfortunately, whereas most of the above are slowly (like, continental-drift kinda speed slowly) improving, the bathroom is getting worse. Specifically, his aim is getting worse, not better, and I am getting pretty tired of the bathroom smelling like a public loo.

DS is the only male individual in the house. It's all on him, and I'm getting a bit...frustrated that we're going backwards here. I did this once. It's annoying to have it a second time.

It's at the point, having just cleaned out a toilet which was - TMI warning - practically flooded behind the rim, that I am considering giving him an ultimatum: either he learns to aim better, or he can be the one cleaning it up.

Obviously he's a little bit young to just hand the bathroom cleaning products to, so it would be more a case of him wiping things down (and then I'll do the regular real clean when he's at school), but am I being unrealistic about his bathroom capabilities? Surely it's not too much to ask that he actually aims it into the toilet and not all over the effing hinges for the seat???

OP posts:

Almostfifty · 07/05/2019 10:25

I'd make him clean it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2019 10:25

YABU to just consider it. At 11 he’s well old enough to be told to clean up after himself! How will he learn if he’s not? What’s wrong with giving him cleaning products?

Faster · 07/05/2019 10:31

Id be stood next to him making him clean it. Bollocks to that. He needs to learn that his actions have repercussions for other people and that continued poor behaviour has consequences.

DobbysLeftSock · 07/05/2019 10:33

Err, why do you think11 is too young to clean? Give him the stuff, stand over and direct. Tell him he'll be doing that everyday if he doesn't stop pissing all over the place. Stick to that. I bet he'll be housetrained in a week.

barryfromclareisfit · 07/05/2019 10:35

He has to clean it. There is nothing else that will help him to understand what it is he is doing.

funkybum · 07/05/2019 10:37

My 3yo ds is just learning stand up wees. If he misses or gets any on the seat, he knows how to wipe it up with loo roll. I havent had to clean the toilet after my 11yo ds for years.. I'm the only female in a house of 4, and I never have to clean up splashes as all the males do it themselves!

VimFuego101 · 07/05/2019 10:38

DS is 7 and I make him clean if needed, it's the only way to get him to pay attention to what he's doing. Not sure why you think 11 is too young to handle a cleaning wipe or a mop?

bigbadbadger · 07/05/2019 10:43

Why on earth is he too young? DS was taught to clean up when he was potty trained!

00100001 · 07/05/2019 10:46

"Obviously he's a little bit young to just hand the bathroom cleaning products "

Nope. He's plenty old enough.
He'll only have clean up his own piss once and he won't do it again....!

HomeMadeMadness · 07/05/2019 10:47

Of course he can be the one cleaning it. Doesn't have to be a huge deal - that's just one of his chores.

ems137 · 07/05/2019 10:47

We have a downstairs toilet that is mostly only used by 12 year old DS. I have, on several occasions, handed him a bottle of bleach and toilet wipes to clean his toilet.

I refuse to clean someone else's piss or shit who is more that capable of doing it themselves!!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/05/2019 10:48

Bloody hell thats disgusting.

A few weeks ago I walked into the bathroom to find a mess and I called my 4 year old in told him it's gross and inconsiderate and handed him a pack of wipes to clean up.

MamaofAHH · 07/05/2019 10:49

My DS is 5, if he misses and pees on the floor I give him the Dettol spray and kitchen roll and he has to clean it.
11 is old enough to be cleaning his own pee up!

Mummaofmytribe · 07/05/2019 10:50

He's 11. He shouldn't be doing this. He can clean up and if he doesn't do a proper job you send him back. Maybe it will embarrass him into stopping this. No excuse for this at his age

WeeDangerousSpike · 07/05/2019 10:50

Tell him if he can't cope with being an adult and aiming properly, he needs to sit down to wee.

And he cleans any mess he makes.

WeeDangerousSpike · 07/05/2019 10:51

Being an adult as in growing up, secondary school etc etc. I don't mean 11 is an adult - I'm not batshit!

Brefugee · 07/05/2019 10:51

Give him the choice: from now on bathroom / toilet cleaning is his chore. Or he sits to pee (plenty of men do)

LillithsFamiliar · 07/05/2019 10:52

I agree with PPs. He's old enough to clean it. I make my DS (10) clean up after himself. What if he's out visiting, uses someone else's toilet and misses? He needs to know not only how to clean it but that it's his responsibility to clean it.
I'd be embarrassed he might leave other people's toilets the same way and just expect them to wipe up after him.

NewYoiker · 07/05/2019 10:52

Gross. Definitely get him to clean up

ILoveMaxiBondi · 07/05/2019 10:53

He needs to sit. I would make this non negotiable and threaten to supervise him on the toilet until he can learn to leave it spotless. I would also be hovering outside the door waiting to inspect and haul him back to clean every time he left it.

werideatdawn · 07/05/2019 10:54

My 6 year old cleans up when he misses the toilet..

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 07/05/2019 10:55

I thought all men and boys sat down to wee these days. Mine do. Not in public, obvs.

Roomba · 07/05/2019 10:55

My then 12 year old only bothered to hit the bowl after I made him unscrew and remove the old loo seat, replace it with a new one (the hinges snapped through due to corrosion from him pissing on them! ) and go back in and clean it all up properly every single time he left a mess again. In fact the time he had to clean up whilst his mate was over for a sleepover seems to have been the final straw. And my threats to just leave drips of period blood on the seat (sorry, but I was at the end of my tether, skint and had had to spend a week's food money on a toilet seat!).

Baxdream · 07/05/2019 10:56

Have wipes next to the toilet so he can wipe up whenever it happens.
If he leaves it, he's deep cleaning.

Or take his Xbox/phone away. That normally helps

LondonJax · 07/05/2019 10:59

Our DS has just turned 12 years old. I found a pool of pee on the toilet floor (for the second time in 3 months) a couple of months ago. He'd started pee-ing, had heard something happening elsewhere in the house and half turned round (without holding the pee in). He hadn't noticed the pee as it had gone down and around the loo brush holder (oh the irony eh?)

So I got the bucket, called him in and asked him to clean it up. Which he did.

A week or so ago he came out and said 'mum, I missed the loo again. I'm sorry. I've cleaned it up, can you come and check I did it right' - fair enough, we all have accidents but I refuse to clean it all up.

Eleven is a good age to start taking responsibility for making sure you tidy or clean up after yourself if you have an accident.

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