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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be considering a bathroom ultimatum for DS?

109 replies

TottWriter · 07/05/2019 10:20

Okay, so DS is 11 years old. He's generally pretty good, if burdened with what I am assuming is the usual pre-teen scatterbrains (uniform wedged in the bottom of the wardrobe instead of folded, bed perpetually unmade, constant reminders needed that his personal hygiene requirements are now stepping up a notch and will require effort on his part to fix them).

Unfortunately, whereas most of the above are slowly (like, continental-drift kinda speed slowly) improving, the bathroom is getting worse. Specifically, his aim is getting worse, not better, and I am getting pretty tired of the bathroom smelling like a public loo.

DS is the only male individual in the house. It's all on him, and I'm getting a bit...frustrated that we're going backwards here. I did this once. It's annoying to have it a second time.

It's at the point, having just cleaned out a toilet which was - TMI warning - practically flooded behind the rim, that I am considering giving him an ultimatum: either he learns to aim better, or he can be the one cleaning it up.

Obviously he's a little bit young to just hand the bathroom cleaning products to, so it would be more a case of him wiping things down (and then I'll do the regular real clean when he's at school), but am I being unrealistic about his bathroom capabilities? Surely it's not too much to ask that he actually aims it into the toilet and not all over the effing hinges for the seat???

OP posts:
RocketSurgery · 07/05/2019 11:01

I make my 6yo and 3yo clean up any mess they make in the loo. I hadn’t considered that they’re too young to clean up Confused. It’s all just part of using the loo - do your business, flush, make sure there’s no mess and clean up if necessary, lid down, wash hands. If you’ve genuinely never asked him to clean up for the last 11 years it’s going to be difficult to get him to do it now.

daisypond · 07/05/2019 11:05

An 11 year old is more than capable of doing a proper clean up. Surely he does other chores too around the house.

Tighnabruaich · 07/05/2019 11:08

Make him clean it. He's old enough. Any future partners will be grateful.

LuciaLuciaLucia · 07/05/2019 11:08

My son has to clean the loo every evening, part of the evening routine😏
Thinking of my future DIL. (He is 6)

happyhillock · 07/05/2019 11:10

I keep a pkt of wipes in the bathroom, if my DP misses the bowl he clean's it up, your DS is old enough to clean up after himself

MissingInActionYouSay · 07/05/2019 11:11

I agree with others, since when is ELEVEN years old too young to clean? He is old enough to be arrested for a crime but far too young to possibly be responsible for a rag and a spray bottle? gimme a break.

He can clean up his own piss or the wifi gets turned off. My boys started peeing in the shower to avoid cleaning the loo. I was horrified and bought them a scrubbing brush each and wrote their names on them.....now they have to alternate between toilet cleaning and floor scrubbing every day. I do NOT piss on the floor of do the macarena while urinating in the shower so it is all on them. While they are there I also tell them to do the sink/tiles/etc. They are also responsible for cleaning up the poo from the dogs they wanted and have been doing aaaaall this since age 7. Now both in mid to late teens they know how to use the washer, drier, dishwasher, carpet shampooer, hoover and can cook a basic meal for all of us. Doesn't matter if it's a cheese toasty and tomato soup and a quick load of washing, they ALL contribute to the running of this house.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/05/2019 11:14

Seriously? He's 11.
he should be capable of wielding non corrosive cleaning products without lasting harm.

Ask him does he leave the loo in that sort of state when he is round at a friend's place?
Does he expect Jack's mum to clean up after him as well as his own mum?

Mrbay · 07/05/2019 11:17

Just an idea, I recently read a uni study regarding men and their aim - it was noted that if they had a target to aim at there was a over an 80% reduction of urine outside of the loo - maybe something to try.

Also, is this just laziness or does he have a medical issue where he is unable to control his flow?

TeaForDad · 07/05/2019 11:17

Get him to sit down. It's much more relaxed

Lweji · 07/05/2019 11:22

Make him clean it a few times. In fact, it could become his weekly (daily if necessary) chore.

Lweji · 07/05/2019 11:23

Sitting down may not be much better. DS seems to be able to spray wee forward while sitting down. Angry

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/05/2019 11:23

11 is not too young to clean up his own mess. Please make him responsible for this. His future partners will thank you for it!

Fluffytheevil1 · 07/05/2019 11:29

My almost 13 year old is unreal for missing the toilet. If it’s a particularly messy affair I make him stop what he’s doing and come and clean it. I accept that our toilet is low but both his dad and brother manage to hit the bowl so there’s no reason he can’t. there toilet wipes and floor wipes right by the toilet too.
They’re odd at that age. Odd and minging 🤢

StrongTea · 07/05/2019 11:29

Nice gift, his own loo cleaner, brush, wipes, rubber gloves, whatever, all wrapped up in fancy paper with a card. May get the point across to him.

MachineBee · 07/05/2019 11:34

Victorians used to have toilet bowls with a bee printed on them Bee in Latin is ‘Apis’. Grin

It was very effective for giving guys something to aim at.

If you don’t want to have a bee, try using one of those stick on toilet cleaners.

SeaToSki · 07/05/2019 11:35

Make sure he isnt on a device while peeing. It might be why his aim has got so bad.

Lweji · 07/05/2019 11:36

I suspect in DS's case it is because he can't yet pull back his foreskin, so it doesn't go out in a proper stream. But he's 14 now, so I'm not going to check it out.

allworthwhile · 07/05/2019 11:37

Of course he should clean it and I am astonished you do.

DH has always cleaned the toilet in this house!

OKBobble · 07/05/2019 11:39

Another one astonished that you consider him too young to clean up! Does he do anythings at all in the house?

floraloctopus · 07/05/2019 11:41

He's old enough to know he needs to clean up after himself, I've never had to tell my sons anything other than leave the toilet as you want to find it.

Sweetbabycheezits · 07/05/2019 11:45

My dd is nearly 13, and I made him clean up if he missed from a pretty early age! 11 is definitely not too young for cleaning...and I sure as hell wasn't going to clean up a capable person's wee!

FreeTedHastings · 07/05/2019 11:45

Absolutely make him clean it. He's responsible for the mess.
I had mine cleaning their mess on the loo younger than that. And then I got a cleaner and they have gradually started being scuzzy again. So I'm back to the hardcore approach again now, even if the cleaner is coming that day!

Cookit · 07/05/2019 11:50

Have you ever mentioned it to him or shown him the mess? If not YABU because he may just not have crossed his mind - he’s 11 after all.

Mumofone1593 · 07/05/2019 11:53

From 11 I had been cleaning my own bathroom for a few years? I used to spray and wipe the sink toilet and bath once a week as requested? At 11 it's not like he's going to swallow the bleach? Am sure he can be trusted to clean a loo?

TottWriter · 07/05/2019 13:14

Oh my gosh, this has had a lot of responses!

When I say too young to have cleaning products, I mean more in the sense that while he is absolutely capable of wiping things down, I personally wouldn't hand an 11 year old a bottle of bleach. Not least because DS is the sort of child who just...is hopeless. He'll get there, but right now I'd be far too worried for him to do that unsupervised, even if I'd shown him once. (This is a child who, when learning to cook, managed to almost chop his fingers off after 20 minutes of being repeatedly shown how to hold the bloody knife!)

I have had conversations with him about toilet use before, and also with his father - which I suspect is where the problem lies. DS is my oldest child, so I've never had much to go on in terms of what's 'normal' for development, and every time I've brought up the subject of his maybe being a good role model and offering advice, I've been kinda brushed off. I dread to think what kinds of terrible habits they pick up over there.

I am definitely glad I'm actually not in the wrong with this (except in that I've put up with this nonsense for so long)!

OP posts: