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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be considering a bathroom ultimatum for DS?

109 replies

TottWriter · 07/05/2019 10:20

Okay, so DS is 11 years old. He's generally pretty good, if burdened with what I am assuming is the usual pre-teen scatterbrains (uniform wedged in the bottom of the wardrobe instead of folded, bed perpetually unmade, constant reminders needed that his personal hygiene requirements are now stepping up a notch and will require effort on his part to fix them).

Unfortunately, whereas most of the above are slowly (like, continental-drift kinda speed slowly) improving, the bathroom is getting worse. Specifically, his aim is getting worse, not better, and I am getting pretty tired of the bathroom smelling like a public loo.

DS is the only male individual in the house. It's all on him, and I'm getting a bit...frustrated that we're going backwards here. I did this once. It's annoying to have it a second time.

It's at the point, having just cleaned out a toilet which was - TMI warning - practically flooded behind the rim, that I am considering giving him an ultimatum: either he learns to aim better, or he can be the one cleaning it up.

Obviously he's a little bit young to just hand the bathroom cleaning products to, so it would be more a case of him wiping things down (and then I'll do the regular real clean when he's at school), but am I being unrealistic about his bathroom capabilities? Surely it's not too much to ask that he actually aims it into the toilet and not all over the effing hinges for the seat???

OP posts:

ElephantUmbrella · 08/05/2019 04:42

Just popping in to mention (as per a PP) that there could be an actual issue with his foreskin which is making it impossible to aim straight/not dribble.

My DS11 couldn't retract his foreskin at all and when peeing was making a mess .. given his age and that he was doing his own showering etc in private we didn't understand what the problem was and why he was getting worse over time (with aim) rather than better!

Once we talked about it and saw a doctor he's been prescribed a really weak steroid cream to thin out the skin so it retracts properly .. it's only been about 2 weeks now and is so much better both soreness-wise for him (as he said it was tight and sore before) and peeing-wise.

So just maybe check that's it's not a physical issue first..if he can't control it then no amount of having to clean up is going to help.

TrudesBlues · 08/05/2019 05:16

We have a sit down policy in our house.

Birdie6 · 08/05/2019 05:22

My DS learned to pee standing up when he was 3. If he missed, he had to clean it up. I certainly don't think that 11 is too young ! Tell him to clean up or sit down to pee since he seems unable to hit the mark.

Butteredghost · 08/05/2019 05:33

He doesn't even have to use cleaning products every time. Just use loo roll to wipe up and dry the seat/rim. Then a bit of cleaning spray and a cloth/wipe/paper towel to do a proper job once a day. It doesn't have to be a big deal requiring a bucket, bleach and gloves 7 x per day.

CanadianJohn · 08/05/2019 05:34

Good grief, at age 11 he can aim better than that.

When I was 11 I could write dirty limericks in the snow in Olde English Script.

Give his some spray cleaner, and if necessary check, after he's used the bathroom.

ittakes2 · 08/05/2019 05:42

Teach him to lift the lid before he pees.

CountFosco · 08/05/2019 05:46

Has he got a lot taller recently? DS is only 6 and very short so no problem with aim (remembering to flush is another matter, every trip to the loo needs a reminder) but I can imagine it going to pot when he's taller. But otherwise agree with PPs that he is old enough to clean up after himself or be asked to sit.

ANewDawn10 · 08/05/2019 05:47

That's disgusting. And your whole approach to not wanting him to touch bleach which is so ridiculous might explain where he gets that 'uselessness' from. So if you dont want him to touch bleach, theres other options?
At 11 I would be embarrassed if my ds did this. How does he behave in other peoples homes and at school?
You really need to tackle this now, dont pass him onto some poor wife who needs to clean up after him.

YouJustDoYou · 08/05/2019 05:48

If my 5 year old misses, he cleans it up himself. I was determined before he was born he wouldn't leave his piss all over the bloody seat for the next person to have to clean up like so, so many mothers do in public toilets. I hated it.

StoppinBy · 08/05/2019 05:49

I made my husband responsible for cleaning the toilet for a month...... amazingly he has managed to stop peeing all over the edge and on the floor.

At the very least your son is old enough to clean up after his own mess if he is piddling everywhere, I also think he is old enough to clean the whole toilet anyway.

Onceuponacheesecake · 08/05/2019 05:50

Seriously? My 5 year old knows to wipe up after himself if he goes slightly off course. I can't believe you've just been cleaning it up all this time. I'd get him to clean the whole sodding bathroom if he's making it smell like a public urinal!

HotChocolateLover · 08/05/2019 05:57

He’s plenty old enough. My DS (16) can be a right minger when it comes to toilet habits. However if I go in after him and it’s covered in wee or skiddies then I call him back and stand there until he cleans it properly.

ukgift2016 · 08/05/2019 06:03

Not least because DS is the sort of child who just...is hopeless. He'll get there, but right now I'd be far too worried for him to do that unsupervised, even if I'd shown him once. (This is a child who, when learning to cook, managed to almost chop his fingers off after 20 minutes of being repeatedly shown how to hold the bloody knife!)

This is why so many boys grow up to be lazy, hopeless husbands.

This 11 year old cannot be trusted to even clean up his own piss let alone use a sharp knife. He is a 'hopeless little boy'

Round of applause for the OP.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/05/2019 06:05

He’s more than old enough to be cleaning up after himself. Don’t facilitate helplessness.

TheTreeHearsYourSecret · 08/05/2019 06:12

I have two sons, they sit to pee.

It is better for the bladder emptying and think about it, if they were having a shit they wouldn't sit down for that but stand up for the peeing part. They would just do the whole thing sat down. They stand up in school to pee because other children cannot aim.

They are now teenagers. They know to leave a bathroom as they find it, check the toilet bowl for any skids and they know to clean that up. Thorough hand washing is the best skill to teach. Ds2 looks like he is scrubbing in for surgery but at least he is super clean.

I hope your 11 year old doesn't go to other people's houses if he can't aim straight. Imagine that conversation when you collect him, that he pissed all over their bathroom floor [anger]

MintyT · 08/05/2019 06:18

Have you seen him wee, he might be spraying as his forskin is to tight. He may need to be circumcised. My son had a problem and had to have this tubes stretched, one Sumter

MintyT · 08/05/2019 06:20

Oops positive soon - symptom that there was a problem was wee on the back and rim on the loo - but he did know how to clean this - a posh pee ( sitting down didn't help. Still sprayed

Carpetburns · 08/05/2019 06:22

I have made my 5 year old clean the toilet before, to try to send home the message. At 11, it'd be down to him!!

AgentJohnson · 08/05/2019 06:27

OFFS! Fill a spray bottle with Dettol and water, hand him some rubber gloves and let him get on with it. He’s not incapable, just lazy and you not making him clean up after himself, enables his laziness.

Where did you get into your head that only bleach is suited to cleaning a toilet?

EdWinchester · 08/05/2019 06:36

Bleurgh. Make him sit down. It’s not a urinal.

Piglet89 · 08/05/2019 06:46

@machinebee my son is still in utero.

I’m off to sort out a bee this week!

MerryMarigold · 08/05/2019 07:03

I thought all men and boys sat down to wee these days. Mine do. Not in public, obvs.

Why would you think that?
None of the 3 in my house do.

FilledSoda · 08/05/2019 08:23

He's 11 , at 11 he should be more than capable of cleaning a whole bathroom , isn't that a pretty standard chore for a child that age ?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 08/05/2019 08:30

DCs here have a shared ensuite that goes between both bedrooms. I rarely set foot in there to clean as it's their job. They are both pretty clean, though, so aside from the odd pair of pyjama bottoms or toothpaste splatter there's not much mess.

I taught them from the age of around 4/5 that they could wipe down the sink and toilet, and they've both always got on with it. By 11 they're more than old enough to deal with a bathroom. Allowing him to continue being 'hopeless' isn't giving him the tools he'll need for adulthood and in that you're doing him a disservice.

MachineBee · 08/05/2019 09:01

@Piglet89 - now that’s what I call forward planning. Congratulations btw.

Re the sitting/standing debate - in Switzerland, if don’t you live on the ground floor, it is illegal for men to urinate standing up after 11pm.

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