Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to bring in food for the whole office

148 replies

bankholiday2 · 06/05/2019 21:24

Name changed for this as I think I'm probably being silly and stingy.

I have been working for the same organisation for about 5 years. I have recently moved departments and the culture in the new team is to take it in turns buying in food for everyone. This seems to sometimes be breakfast, sometimes lunch.

The problem is, they spend a lot of money! Someone bought in Greggs breakfast last Friday, spending over £30. I saw the receipt by chance. A few days before someone had ordered several pizzas to be shared between approx 20 people.

I really don't want to have to start buying food for the whole team. I don't have much spare cash. I always pre-prepare my own lunches etc to save £.

What can I do? This is new to me. I don't want to seem unfriendly by refusing their kind offerings, but I don't want to eat it and not return the favour. It's very awkward!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 07/05/2019 09:55

Just say you prefer to do your own thing with regards to food so will be opting out.

Then make sure you never eat any of their food!

Ninkaninus · 07/05/2019 09:58

I wouldn’t lie, which might come back to bite you. I’d be honest and just say it isn’t in your budget to do it. Or that it’s not your thing.

Maybe people just do it as and when, when they feel like it, if there’s no real pattern to it? Has anyone actually said that you would be expected to join in?

derxa · 07/05/2019 10:09

'sorry but I am not able to participate as I like to prepare my own lunch and I do not think you would like my home cooked sandwich' So po faced. Would anyone in real life say this?

user1465560128 · 07/05/2019 10:12

Yanbu i would just advise that you are saving and like to budget nothing wrong with that I wouldn’t be able to afford this at all

Pumperthepumper · 07/05/2019 10:20

Just don't join in. I hate these group expectations of behaviour. If anyone notices, smile sweetly and say 'it's just not my thing'. Don't offer any more explanation.

I can never understand this ‘no is a complete sentence’ thing on mumsnet - they’re your colleagues, you have to see them every day AND you’re new to the team, why not just make a bit of effort to fit in? ‘Because I don’t want to’ is just so childish - presumably you also didn’t want to meet twenty-odd new people in one day but you managed that. Just do it once then say ‘I can’t afford it’ or ‘actually, I’m rubbish at this, I think I’ll leave it, don’t buy me anything and I’ll bring my own’ or ‘I’d be asleep by lunchtime if I had that for breakfast’ or ANYTHING rather than fake smile no thanks, end of discussion.

PenelopeFlintstone · 07/05/2019 10:30

Why is everyone giving the OP advice as to what she should bake, when her entire post is about not wanting to?
Cos we don't want everyone to hate her at her new job.

HomeMadeMadness · 07/05/2019 10:32

Why is everyone giving the OP advice as to what she should bake, when her entire post is about not wanting to?

Her post suggested she couldn't afford it so people are offering affordable solutions. There are lots of things we don't want to do but probably have to go along with for the sake of harmony at home/work/among friends.

MsMaisel · 07/05/2019 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PenelopeFlintstone · 07/05/2019 10:48

No, they won't hate her. I was exaggerating. But they'll possibly find her annoying.
I wonder how long it's been going. These things often fizzle out. Fingers crossed, OP!

justmyview · 07/05/2019 11:12

Don't lie about eating a restricted diet, because you will be caught out

Don't say you don't want their unhealthy food. It sounds judgemental

If cost is the issue, but you want to join in, then I expect that home baking would go down a treat

If you don't want to join in, and are happy to say that it's for financial reasons, then say that

If you don't want to join in, but don't wish to explain that cost is the barrier, then it's a bit more tricky. Maybe you could by food once, to show that you are friendly and keen to fit in, but after that, each time someone orders food, just say No thanks. If people can see that you are never eating the food they bring in, I don't think they will mind too much if you don't join in

I think the one thing you shouldn't do is eat food that other people in the team bring in, and then not reciprocate. That's tightfisted, and it will be noticed, even if no one says anything to you

PinkHeart5914 · 07/05/2019 11:26

Well obviously don’t eat anything they bring in as your look tighter than a ducks arse eating the goodies but not putting your hand in your pocket.

I wouldn’t lie about allergies etc as you will end up with stuff your apparently allergic to in you lunch and people will notice (come on we all know that 1 vegan that we’ve seen eating milk chocolate, that 1 with the allergy to tomatoes that we’ve seen scoffing pizza) Your then be known as that type.

You could just take in croissants you turn, places like Lidl are cheap for them and even Morrison’s do them 30p each.

Sometimes in a job you just stuck it up and do things to fit in especially when you are new, as you see these people everyday and it makes life easier

MariaNovella · 07/05/2019 11:32

This is awful. It’s absolutely fine to say loud and clear that you don’t want to join in because you don’t want to eat junk food.

Dyrne · 07/05/2019 12:11

Some of these suggested responses are awful and will just mark the OP out as a massive twat.

It’s fine to opt out of things like this. It’s not fine to do so in a way that conveys judgement on the entire rest of the team!

shitholiday2018 · 07/05/2019 12:14

Do you eat any of it OP? If not just be honest - say it sounds like a lovely idea but you are on a budget and bring your own food in. Say it with a smile and no one will think any worse of you.

MariaNovella · 07/05/2019 12:19

The twats are the people coercing others into eating junk food. This really isn’t OK.

Dyrne · 07/05/2019 12:44

MariaNovella Where does the OP say she’s being coerced into anything? Three people have brought in food over different days. She hasn’t sought out an explanation or said she was even offered anything, let alone pinned down and had Yum Yuma shoved down her throat?

Persimmonn · 07/05/2019 12:51

I’d just leave. I hate the places of work where group activities are forced on to you. If you tell them you don’t want to take part, you’ll be shunned and probably bitched about behind your back. If you do take part, youre financially worse off.

I remember when once in a job I never went out to the leaving do’s (there were many) and Xmas party because I had a 7m old baby who I didn’t want to be away from after spending 40 hours with these people. I was bitched about and treated like shit for months.

Original poster
bankholiday2 · 07/05/2019 14:28

So today someone brought it a packet of Mc Donald's hash browns for everyone at 10am.

I decided to speak up, thanked the guy very much but said I wasn't too keen on Hash browns and find it easier if I just stick to the lunch I've made, and he ate the one he'd got me so it didn't seem like an issue. Everyone else accepted and was pleased to be eating it or so it seemed.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 07/05/2019 14:32

Often it's not really an issue as long as you don't make it one. And announcing that you don't want to eat with them because you're too pure to touch junk food will make colleagues think you are up yourself. it's fine just to do the, not really my thing but thanks for offering, and leave it at that. There are quite probably at least one or two other people who don't participate or who will drop out.

MariaNovella · 07/05/2019 14:36

Saying you won’t eat junk food is like saying you don’t want to inhale other people’s cigarette smoke.

BlackPrism · 07/05/2019 15:26

I usually end the month with just enough money to cover transport so this would be unfeasable for me. I'd hate it and would feel so out of place.

Tbh I'd probably lie and make something up citing you've had to have your roof replaced or pay for a pets surgery and so are on your arse atm Blushor say you have allergies so can't partake.

Horrid that you'd even have to think about it tbh

Usuallyinthemiddle · 07/05/2019 17:55

I get everyone's irk about it. But she has joined their team. They are entitled to do things they enjoy as long as she's ok to opt out. You have no right to join a team and insist they change their culture, really. (Unless it's breaking laws). I'm not sure it's quite as heinous as people are making out!

Dyrne · 07/05/2019 19:44

Will you look at that - resolved with complete non-drama. Colleagues haven’t ostracised her, OP hasn’t made holier than thou comments about junk food.

As for the PP suggesting she actually leave over this... really?!?

Kisskiss · 07/05/2019 21:09

It sounded from the original post thAt the main problem was the cost, not necessarily the food itself? I think what other posters have said regarding making something on your gos seem like great ideas.

Loads of stuff is cheap and easy to bake with no equipment and nobody ever turns their nose up at home made goodies..
Personally if I was new to a team I’d try and go along with it to get on, you don’t want to be the oddball who looks right or weirdly fussy about food

Kisskiss · 07/05/2019 21:10

*looks tight, not looks right

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.