To have walked off and left DM in the cafe?

[ChinaBear]

Went out for coffee with DD 1yo and DM. DM had a toasted sandwich. I’m allergic to wheat but only if I ingest it. Even a crumb will make me ill. DD reached out for my coffee on the table and DM moved my cup away (which was unnecessary anyway as it was already out of DD’s reach). I asked her not to touch my cup when she has wheat crumbs on her hands because I’ll be poorly if it gets in my mouth.

A few minutes later she did exactly the same thing again and I said I’ve already asked you not to touch my cup with wheat on your hands! DD can’t reach my cup, I don’t need you to move it. Then she did it again! By which point I was getting angry and said STOP TOUCHING MY CUP YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME ILL!

The final time she picked my cup up by the rim and left visible crumbs from her fingers right where my mouth would touch the cup. So then I couldn’t drink it at all. I picked up DD and said What part of “don’t touch my cup do you not understand?!” And stormed out.

I’m utterly furious. A large coffee with syrup and cream is a rare expensive treat to have to throw it away. DH thinks I’ve been mean by storming out and leaving DM to get the bus home.

Staff in the average coffee she will handle bread and pick up a cup to prepare a drink all in one swift movement not pausing to wash their hands in between the two actions.

If it's that dangerous for you to have contact with a surface that has been touched by someone handling wheat surely the risk is too high anyway, before the items are on the table.

Wasn't nice to just leave there, I agree but it's not just about tap water and plants at all, is it?
Those saying it is is missing the point spectacularly.
It's kind of like "I don't give a shit what you think or if you repeatedly tell me not to, I'll do what I bloody will like as what you want doesn't matter."

Aren't you a honey? Stomping off in a tantrum and leaving your 82 yr old mother to get the bus.
Get over yourself, your mother doesn't live her life round your allergy, your behaviour was disgraceful.

Agree with this poster 100%.

Redness on my face, vomiting and a tummy ache that lasts a few days.
So an intolerance then not an allergy.

And this.

Balancing the two - hot coffee poured on to a one year old or a bit of irritation "from a crumb of wheat", it's pretty obvious which is the priority.

Stop being so controlling and nasty to your elderly mother. She probably realises full well you are exaggerating your "allergy".

I would have done the same, and have done something similar many years ago (for an entirely different reason though). Will your reaction have any chance of making it sink in to her to leave your cup alone next time, or will it be like water off a duck's back?!

@MyDCAreMarvel
"Just wipe the cup?" Do you have any intolerances?! Just because they're not full blown allergies doesn't mean they're not awful in their own right.
I'd be really ill after drinking any amount of milk.
Someone potentially putting me at risk of illness and a few days of sweating and cramping/ throwing up I'd be pissed off too.
Especially if I kept telling them NOT to!

Initially it was crumbs on outside of cup; which you are not going to ingest. Rather than get angry and shout just move the bloody cup.
I have an allergy with similar reaction but I rarely mentioned it I just avoid the item, you are an overreacting drama queen.
If I'd been in that cafe I would have went and spoke to your poor mum, humiliating an elderly woman and you think you're in the right, you're a disgraceful bully.

I think you should consider anger management classes. I wouldn't expect my DC to act as you did after the age of about 9.

TellIt what a stupid, stupid post.

OMG some of you are massive dicks!

The OP has very normal allergic reaction symptoms not just an intolerance. She asked her mother to leave her cup alone 3 times. It’s her mother who is out of line not the OP.

Crumbs on the rim can cause a reaction though -
Trying to find a suitable analogy with me but hot chocolate powder if I got any on my lips (like with op's cup) if it had milk in could irritate and tingle them or my throat.

Nelson Are you ignorant about allergies? Tiny specks of allergens can kill someone-I carry a pair of epinephrine pens at all times due to insect allergies and the same goes for people with severe food allergies. The OP has violent reactions to wheat! Can you not read and comprehend?

@Mamaslave18 thank goodness, a voice of reason lol
Seriously, some people's attitude to allergies and intolerances are frightening.

Bit precious

Just move the bloody cup

SHE DID lol

Your mum sounds weird af. I could understand the first time moving the cup, but why did she need to keep touching it? And why did she put her fingers on the rim? Thats unhygienic even if you have no allergies.

knows full well you are exaggerating your allergy

I sincerely hope that sentence doesn't come back to bite you on the arse one day.
You obviously haven't a clue.

I think you are taking the fact she moved the cup as an insult to your parenting to seriously. Lots of grandparents fuss over things like that My grandma's in her 80s she would worry about it aswell she often fusses about things. She was only trying to stop her grandchild getting burnt ok you say that wasn't going to happen but you also say she has difficulties processing information. She's in her 80s may not be around much longer and is your mum I think it was a really awful way to treat her. You shouted at her in public which is horrible then just left her. I

How old are you op?

I think it's the posters who believe that an elderly woman with learning difficulties deserves to be shouted at and abandoned by their own daughter, for the sin of being anxious about their grandchild getting burnt, who are the massive dicks here!

Seriously, some people's attitude to allergies and intolerances are frightening.

More like precious behaviour in regards to intolerances undermines serious allergies with the potential to be fatal.

I'm reminded of the saying of a very old friend. He used to say:

First time is happenstance. Second time could be coincidence. But the third time is ENEMY ACTION.

Words to live by.

Yanbu to be cross.

Yavvvu to cause a scene in a public place and leave your 82 year old mum to get home on the bus. How bloody mean!

^This.

Your DD learns how to behave by the way you model behaviour for her. So even if you can't see that you were overreacting your DD will teach you in the years to come.

I'm not being sarky, I don't know anyone with food allergies so am ignorant. I have done a quick google on the difference between a food allergy and food intolerance and most websites say:

Physical reactions to certain foods are common, but most are caused by a food intolerance rather than a food allergy. A food intolerance can cause some of the same signs and symptoms as a food allergy, so people often confuse the two.

A true food allergy causes an immune system reaction that affects numerous organs in the body. It can cause a range of symptoms. In some cases, an allergic food reaction can be severe or life-threatening. In contrast, food intolerance symptoms are generally less serious and often limited to digestive problems.

If you have a food allergy, you may be at risk of a life-threatening allergic reaction (anaphylaxis).

@BarbarianMum

TellIt what a stupid, stupid post.

It really isn't. Serious allegeries are a serious problem; low level allergy at best is something different. Abandoning an 82 year old woman because of a tantrum about an allergy of this type/ intolerance is poor behaviour - especially where her motivation was to keep hot liquid out of reach of a one year old.

She had you quite late in life, as you did your lo