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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

110 replies

NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 17:57

A member of my husbands family just passed away. 99! Great innings. Not a huge estate, but wants to leave each great grandchild £1k. I'm currently 3 months pregnant with my second, and my daughter is a year old. The foetus isn't getting the money and I can see it from both sides. That relative didn't meet (but did know about) the new baby and the estate can't make provisions for every potential but unborn baby obviously.

I want to match the £1k for this baby from my husbands inheritance but my husband doesn't agree. He says just over time things will probably even up and if not, then that's the way the cookie crumbles. He is a very black and white man, and isn't very money orientated. If his siblings had been left money he didn't have, he genuinely wouldn't care. Me and my siblings have always grown up in a very "I want what you've got" attitude and my mum has always been quite greedy. I'd hate for this money to come between my kids but then I'm conscious I want them to grow up in a household with my husbands attitude to money rather than my family's.

So aibu to want to put my husbands £1k inheritance into a bank account for my unborn child because the other one has been left the same amount?

I know there are lots of bigger and more important things to be worried about...

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 05/05/2019 17:58

I would put £1k aside for your unborn baby as well in your situation.

Rudytherednosedmoose · 05/05/2019 17:59

I would put 1k by for the baby

JustTwoMoreSecs · 05/05/2019 18:00

I think I would want to do the same as you. Maybe don’t word it as taking 1k from his inheritance but you both as parents could transfer x a month into your second childs savings until it reaches 1k (and maybe then continue but split x between the two DC)

EL8888 · 05/05/2019 18:01

Yep l also vote for the £1k to be put aside for baby. In my family the rule was always if one child gets something, then so do the others. So there’s no favouritism or arguing. We didn’t demand this, it was something my grandmother insisted on (reading between the lines l don’t think she feels she was treated fairly as a child)

Soontobe60 · 05/05/2019 18:02

If your DHs grandfather left him £1k then it's up to him to do what he wants with it. You could always open a savings account for your not yet born baby and save until it has £1k in it if you wish, then they will have the same money.
Personally I thinks YABU.

DantesInferno · 05/05/2019 18:02

But.its not your money to do this with

Does your dh have plans for the money? What is your money situation at present? Is this a lot of money to your family?

HermioneWeasley · 05/05/2019 18:02

What does your husband want to do with his £1k?

Could you set up savings so that Dc2 has £1000 by the time they’re 18?

mightskys · 05/05/2019 18:03

Why not split the money DC1 is getting with DC2?

StrongerThanIThought76 · 05/05/2019 18:04

Can you split the £1k so they get £500 each? Unlikely such a small sum would be put in trust so just split in half once new baby arrives? Can't see anyone arguing about/disputing that, surely?

UnicornDust9 · 05/05/2019 18:04

I’d split the 1k your getting already and give them £500 each.

7salmonswimming · 05/05/2019 18:05

You’re making far too much of this. It’s £1,000. In one go that’s a fair chunk of money. Over a lifetime, which you have to see it as given we’re talking about a foetus, it’s not much.

It’ll only come between your children if you allow it to. The children needn’t know anything, or anything much about it. If in 18 years’ time one of them says the other has a grand more than the other, you either explain them’s the breaks or you make it up at that time.

Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. There will be many more challenges before your children fly the coop.

UnicornDust9 · 05/05/2019 18:05

1k isn’t even that big amount of money either so if you can’t split just save £1k by the time your 2nd is 18.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 05/05/2019 18:06

when my dmil died I was 5 months pregnant with my DD. All gcs living at time of death were to be given £50 (it was a long time ago!)
Dmil knew I was pregnant but obviously never met DD,
The executors waited until I had given birth and £50 arrived for DD, their attitude being that she was alive at the time of dmil's death and therefore entitled to the money. Perhaps not legally correct but done in the right spirit.

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 18:07

We aren't loaded and £1k is a good amount of money but not impossible.

When they are both in school and we aren't paying for extortionate childcare, I could arrange to make up the money monthly over time I imagine.

I like the idea of paying in monthly and then when he hits £1k, splitting it between both going forward...

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 05/05/2019 18:10

how much inheritance does dh have?

Purpleartichoke · 05/05/2019 18:10

I would set a goal to save 1k for your 2nd child over the course of however old your 1st child is right now. So if you gave a 2yo you have 2 years to save. You need to put it aside quickly because you want both savings accounts earning interest. That way both accounts will end up with similar amounts of money when each child comes of age.

Everydaypeople · 05/05/2019 18:11

so Your husband and current child got £1000 each =£2000, why not just divide by 3 then your dh, dd&dub all get the same.

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 18:11

I don't feel I'm making a mountain of a molehill. I'm just curious what the wider board would do, it's not a big issue, no, but it came up today. I'm not sure what in my OP makes you think I think this is a huge problem?

I said about splitting it but my husband said "thems the breaks!".

I did wonder if the baby is born when the money comes through whether that would mean anything but like I say, I don't expect him to leave anything to a baby he didn't meet.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 05/05/2019 18:12

If the will has listed great-grandchild as a beneficiary they you can't go with the suggestion to split the money. If it was me I'd match the 1K for your bump.

HypatiaCade · 05/05/2019 18:12

If your DH is only get £1K inheritance, then YABU, if he is getting £20K+ then YANBU. But, at the end of the day, it's your DH's inheritance not yours.

You can never treat each child exactly equally, that's not possible, and in some circumstances, lead to unfairness. Children have different needs and requirements. If they each take up different hobbies that they each love, but one costs 3 x the amount, are you going to put the difference in cash in their bank account, or spend it on them regardless of need? If one needs extra tutoring at some point during school, will you put that amount of money in the other child's bank account?

One could be super bright or super sporty and win a scholarship or prize of some sort, the other one not.

One might choose to go to university and is financially reliant on you for longer, and the other one chooses to go straight to work and moves out early.

All you can do is love them equally, try to treat them as fairly as possible, judge their needs and wants at the relevant time based on your income and outgoings at the time.

Also, if you put £20 each per month into a bank account for each of them until they turn 18 or leave for Uni, because your DD1 is older when you start doing this, your DD2 will have around about £300 - £400 more in her bank account by the time she turns 18, leaves for uni.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 05/05/2019 18:13

Why not split the money DC1 is getting with DC2?

Because it isn't DC2s money - and that would be tantamount to theft

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 18:15

It doesn't name individuals, it says £1k per grandchild and £1k per great grandchild

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 05/05/2019 18:18

I wouldn’t worry too much. By the time they’re old enough to spend it it may be worth very little or it might have evened out.

You can’t spend exactly the same on each child. Their needs vary too much. You can’t control all gifts they receive either.
One of our daughters had £500 from her boyfriends grandmother as a birthday present. She’d met her three times. The other daughter was pleased for her and weren’t thinking it was so unfair that they got a paperback from their fiancé ‘s granny.
You can’t make life fair. You can’t treat them identically. You just do your very best by each of them

tanpestryfirescreen · 05/05/2019 18:20

Can you split the £1k so they get £500 each?

that is illegal if left in a will.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 05/05/2019 18:21

Things will be uneven over the years - lets hypothesise for a few scenarios

Lets say you bank child allc for each child Child 1 gets £20.70 and Child 2 gets £13.70. Even if you equalise that on going Child 1 will have had 2 years at a superior rate to child 2, then when Child 1 no longer qualifies and Child 2 does, that rates will be higher still.

What if …. premium bonds are a good one - one bond has win - will you split that? Because if you did split a large amount when Child is post 18 they could sue you for their money.

What if … birthdays, lets say Family Member is prone to giving X Sum on birthdays, Child 1 will have had several more birthdays than Child 2.

What if … You do go ahead and split this £1000 so Child 1 and 2 have £300 each …… and you get pregnant with Child 3,4,5 etc ? are you going to keep taking money from their account to equalise every subsequent child?

Your DH is right - ""thems the breaks.""