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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance

110 replies

NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 17:57

A member of my husbands family just passed away. 99! Great innings. Not a huge estate, but wants to leave each great grandchild £1k. I'm currently 3 months pregnant with my second, and my daughter is a year old. The foetus isn't getting the money and I can see it from both sides. That relative didn't meet (but did know about) the new baby and the estate can't make provisions for every potential but unborn baby obviously.

I want to match the £1k for this baby from my husbands inheritance but my husband doesn't agree. He says just over time things will probably even up and if not, then that's the way the cookie crumbles. He is a very black and white man, and isn't very money orientated. If his siblings had been left money he didn't have, he genuinely wouldn't care. Me and my siblings have always grown up in a very "I want what you've got" attitude and my mum has always been quite greedy. I'd hate for this money to come between my kids but then I'm conscious I want them to grow up in a household with my husbands attitude to money rather than my family's.

So aibu to want to put my husbands £1k inheritance into a bank account for my unborn child because the other one has been left the same amount?

I know there are lots of bigger and more important things to be worried about...

OP posts:
TeddiesAreTakingOver · 05/05/2019 18:21

I think YABU asking your husband to give up his whole inheritance to the baby. The family member wanted him to have the money. Life isn’t always fair, siblings don’t always get what the other gets. If it really bothers you, I agree with others that you save up monthly to match it.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 05/05/2019 18:22

*You do go ahead and split this £1000 so Child 1 and 2 have £300 each

amend to read £500 each

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/05/2019 18:22

My grandfather died a year before I was born and my sister had been left money (not a vast amount) - I really didn’t care.
I wouldn’t worry about trying to make up the money tbh

BackforGood · 05/05/2019 18:23

When my Dad died, he'd previously set up a small investment / savings policy for each of his Grandchildren, except my dc3 (she was only little and it had been a very difficult time since she was born). We knew that my Dad would have intended to treat all his DGC the same, and, had he lived longer, he would have done the same for her as all his other Grandchildren, and so we saved up and put £1K of savings (eventually!) into a savings account for her too. There's no way dh nor I would think it right that dc3 didn't start life at 18 with a similar amount of savings as dc1 and dc2.

tbh, I'm surprised the executors haven't included your dc2 - it isn't like they aren't known about. Obviously can't account for any future dc from the will, but one that is 'on the way' and known about by the deceased would have been included in any will I had any say in.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 05/05/2019 18:24

Yabvu and a bit cheeky to even make an issue of this. It's simple, split the 1k between the two and let your DH do whatever he wants with his share.

Drum2018 · 05/05/2019 18:24

It's hardly a life changing amount. Your older child will always have more savings as he's older, assuming he has some already. Have you matched his savings so far for future children? It's a bit daft to expect that your new baby should have the same amount in an account. Your husbands money is left solely to him so it's up to him to spend it or save it or add it to the pot if he wishes. I think YABU expecting him to put it away for the new baby.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/05/2019 18:26

@BackforGood executors can't do this, they have no right to deprive a child of its assets.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/05/2019 18:26

You talk about your DHs inheritance like it's your. It's not, it's his and he is free to do what he likes with it.

Once you return from maternity leave, put some of your salary into a savings account until it matches if you are that worried about it.

helpfulperson · 05/05/2019 18:27

What about any further children you have, where will they get their £1000?

You can't change it to split it between the children. The will said £1000, so that is what the child must get.

I wouldn't worry about it. Life often isn't fair and people need to deal with that.

bridgetreilly · 05/05/2019 18:31

I'm conscious I want them to grow up in a household with my husbands attitude to money rather than my family's.

This is what I would focus on. Constant squabbling about making everything absolutely equal is exhausting and can lead to much bigger rifts. It's much better to foster a more generous and relaxed attitude to money. I think it's perfectly fine to explain to your DC when they are older that one of them has an inheritance but the other wasn't born and so they didn't get it. That is just how life is.

FrancisCrawford · 05/05/2019 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 18:33

I work full time, ice cream - was that a less than subtle way of asking if I earn anything myself?

It's another good point about future children actually. Imagine we are sticking at 2 but you never know. So that's worth thinking about!

My mum was very much of the 'storm down there and demand what you're owed' type of person. My husband and his family have a much healthier attitude to money which I'd like to instil in my sprogs so letting it go does seem the best option...

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 05/05/2019 18:35

When my grandmother died (this was in the 70s by the way) her will stated that each grandchild should have - I think it was about £1000. At that time there were 5 grandchildren and one expected. Grandma's 3 sons just decided to include the unborn child. Nobody thought it was anything but fair. That's what I would do if my parents died and there was a similar will/situation.

Scrumptiousbears · 05/05/2019 18:35

If splits the £1k between the two

Original poster
NowWeAreSuckingDiesel · 05/05/2019 18:36

I don't think I'm thinking of the money as mine rather than my husbands. It's family money, like all our incomings. He did ask me what 'we' should spend it on. I said an account for the new baby, and he said he didn't think that was the right thing to do when we could put it toward decorating the house. It's hardly me taking it over!

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 05/05/2019 18:36

You match the £1k.

£1k may not be a lot but invested until the child was 18, it would be a sizeable sum.

I very much doubt it would have 'evened out' and maybe you should put that to your DH in black and white.

gowgow · 05/05/2019 18:38

I'll throw a spanner in the works. How much do you think £1k will be worth in 18 years time? A cup of coffee maybe?

BlueSkyBurningBright · 05/05/2019 18:38

I must say that it would not occur to me that my unborn child would get any inheritance.

SunshineCake · 05/05/2019 18:40

Only read OP so far.

You could give each child £500.

Just because you're mother is greedy Hmm and you've been brought yo as you say you are Hmm doesn't mean you have to carry it on.

Dh grandad died when I was expecting his third great grandchild. He left 3/12 to our two children but his wishes were obvious and all three got the money.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2019 18:43

My mum was very much of the 'storm down there and demand what you're owed' type of person. My husband and his family have a much healthier attitude to money

I think both of these are extremes. You think his is healthier because you've seen the bad effects of one you think the other is much better. I think the middle position is 'try to be fair if you can but if things aren't - be gracious'. That's the line my parents took and I think it works well.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2019 18:43

You could give each child £500.

You absolutely can't do this though. Illegal and wrong.

TheTreeHearsYourSecret · 05/05/2019 18:44

You can't make things equal, just fair.

What if a school trip costs your first child £400 but by the time your second child goes to do the same trip in the same year group at school the cost is now £500, are you going to "owe" your first child £100?

I have two sons, Ds2 has benefited immensely from hand me down clothes. Should I be buying him all brand new clothes as that is what Ds1 has had?

The £1k your Dh is inheriting should be used for what you need now, not some distant savings for your children.

I never received any money from my parents when I turned 18, no inheritances from any relatives. I made my own money from working from 14.

SunshineCake · 05/05/2019 18:48

Pay into account. Will be overseen by parent. Transfer to other child.

Or just save. Don't think it needs to be so dramatic as to say illegal and wrong Hmm.

My son has just turned 18 and has five figures. Dc 2/3 have slightly less with being younger but it's all within close enough that we'd match it should the time come. Though since we intend to give it to dc2 at an older age they'll potentially be given more than DC1 got at 18.

tanpestryfirescreen · 05/05/2019 18:54

Pay into account. Will be overseen by parent. Transfer to other child.

Whatever you think it is illegal.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2019 18:55

Don't think it needs to be so dramatic as to say illegal and wrong

The money was left to one child in a will. You can't just take it.